


Mixed Emotions

by BethBoca



Series: Ryan Haywood [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-10-12 07:06:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 50,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10485159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethBoca/pseuds/BethBoca
Summary: Ember has worked as an Achievement Hunter for about six months now. She has down all the punishments for tardiness, all the codes she needed around the office, and got to know how everyone speaks and works in their personalities. Geoff was like her father, Gavin and Michael were her idiot friends, Jack and Jeremy were her brothers, and Ryan... Well Ryan was her best friend. Her camera shyness chooses when it wants to be made and so when Gavin posts a shenanigans video with Ember making a quick appearance, will it show itself?





	1. Team Ac-pun-cture

I closed the door to the office quickly when I realized that Michael and Gavin had on face cameras for their Play Pals. I pulled down my long and baggy shirt just a little more whilst fiddling with my glasses. I wasn't a good person when it came to cameras. I'm not using camera shyness as something to be cute, but I am terrified of anyone I never met in real life seeing me and automatically firing multiple shots at me. I was an Achievement Hunter, yeah, but that was mainly with the Let's Plays that didn't involve a camera on my face. Like Minecraft, Gta, Cloudberry, etc. I heard the two friends and co-workers bust up into laughter quickly and I shook my head. That was too close. I look up to see Lindsay and Barbara coming down the hallway speaking about RWBY and an episode of Rooster Teeth Animated.  
  
"Hey, guys!" I say, flustered. I waved at them and they stopped, watching me cautiously.  
  
"Woah, why the red face?" Lindsay questioned quickly. Barbara and Lindsay both knew of my fear but never actually witnessed it happen to me.  
  
"I guess Ember is the perfect name for you." Barbara says with a wink. I roll my eyes and huff at her.  
  
"Oh shut up." She smirks, still proud of her joke. "Team Nice Dynamite is recording with face cam." I explain. They nod in understanding and Lindsay shrugs.  
  
"Why not just cover your face?" She suggests.  
  
"It's not that easy."  
  
"Well it's just your face that you're scared of showing, right?"  
  
"Not exactly, but yeah at the same time." They stare at me with slight confusion and I sigh, shaking my head. "Just- No." They nod at me quietly. "So what's up with the new RWBY and RT Animated?" I ask, changing the subject. I could feel the blood in my face going back to normal and I relaxed with relief. As they spoke about the new episodes for each, I tried to listen in, but I kept hearing Michael and Gavin in the room. I felt like they were talking about me since I squeaked once I saw them recording.  
  
"So when are you going to do an episode of something with us?" I snap back my attention to the women when Barbara asks me a question.  
  
"You mean other than Podcast, Oh the Spot, Immersion, and Off Topic?" I list off, mentioning the ones that involve your face to be shown. They nod and I shrug. "I guess whenever I am asked."  
  
"Well what if we talked to Burnie about getting you a spot on RWBY?" Lindsay asks with excitement. I make an unsure face and sigh slightly.  
  
"It's already a crowded show, don't you think?" Barbara groans and grabs my shoulders, shaking me.  
  
"Come on, use your name and start a fire in a show!" She argues. I roll my eyes as she releases me.  
  
"Stop with the shit puns and I'll think about it." I remark. She laughs at me and I can hear Michael and Gavin stopping the Play Pals in the room. "Alright, I gotta go edit some shit. I was just waiting for the team to finish up." I inform them. They nod and we part ways. I open the door and see them sending and saving all the footage for the game.  
  
"Hey, Em." Gavin greets. I smile and wave back at him.  
  
"Hey, Gavvy." Michael turns to look at me and I smirk. "Mogar." He smirks back and nods his head up.  
  
"Sparky." I smile small at my nickname and go to my desk, placed on the end of all the desks. On one side of the large office it was Michael, Gavin and Jeremy. In other words, it was Team Lads. On the side with Geoff, Jack and Ryan it was Team Gents. Usually whenever I was teamed with either side, it would either be Team Lads and Lady or Team Gents and Woman. I was kind of the odd one out, but everyone still tried to make me feel like I fit in. It was kind of hard with all the comments all the time. Jeremy and I were the newest, Jeremy there for a while longer than me, so we were practically best friends by default. I had team names with everyone else, too. Jeremy and I were Team Acu-Pun-cture. When we came at you we usually had puns with the pain. Jack and I were Team Builders. Not very clever but it got the point across. We usually were the ones to build shelter and protection for everyone. With Gavin we made Team Vocabulary. It was meant to sound smart, but it was the exact opposite. When we had a smart word we sometimes didn't use them at the right time or sentence entirely. Geoff and I were Team Delusional. Just because we both were always doing stupid shit as if we were crazy. Michael and I were Team Rage. Perfect description for when we aren't going to win. I will and have killed anyone who got in our way just to win. Once I got angry enough, everyone practically backed down. Ryan and I had a strange team name in my eyes. Maybe it's because I was a mix of everyone and he was just a mix of crazy and murder. We were Team Overlord. No one ever explained to us why so we just rolled with it Ryan personally liked the name but I wasn't too fond of it. The fans went for it, too, so I stuck with it. I think that the closest I am to anyone in this office would be with Jeremy. Him and Kat are my best friends- practically my brother and sister-in-law. Ryan was the one I was next closest to, but he was different. I felt like there was more there and everyone else trying to convince me there was something else was making it worse. Ryan just got out of a marriage last year and had lost both kids. Not even seeing rights. I felt bad for him and I had no hate against her. She had her reasons just like he had his. Besides, from what I heard of her she was a great person. It just didn't work out anymore. Anyways, I refuse to believe there is anything there but people trying to convince you there is makes you sometimes think it's there. It's confusing, I know. I was close to everyone in the office, really, but I was listing off who I was closest with. Next would be Michael or Geoff, I'm not sure. Michael and I connected a lot during Let's Plays, but I connected a lot with Geoff outside of the office, too. We were always planning shit together and having drinks with Griffon. I think both of them were equal. Next would have to be Jack. We both liked to build things and we always there to build together. He was one of the least favorite Achievement Hunters apparently, but he was one of my closest friends because of the reasons people don't like him. We liked the same stuff and him and Caiti were some of the greatest people I ever met. I sometimes corrected him mid-sentence when he would say Caiti. I would say that he actually meant to say Cutie. One time he accidentally did because he knew I was going to say it and it just spilled out. So pretty much we came closer over his girl. Gavin... We are close but since I've only been here six months and he leaves for a while to England and does The Slow Mo Guys a lot with Daniel Grunchy, we don't really get time to work together. Sure we had a team name, but everyone does. We only get paired up every so often. It's mainly just Michael and I together when there's teams.  
  
"Hey, you're here early." Geoff's voice says through the room. I look around and realize that Gavin and Michael left with their monitors sleeping. I nodded my head and looked back to the video I was editing. It was a Let's Play in Minecraft that I was helping Trevor with since it was a mega video.  
  
"Yeah. Just thought I'd get the move on this video so Trevor isn't stuck with most of it." Geoff nodded at my response, satisfied with it. He sits in the desk farthest from mine on the right and boosts his computer alive. I hear the tower rumble with energy while I crop different frames, accidentally cutting some too much. I would mutter to myself profanities, but I finally fixed it every time I messed up. "So what are we doing today?" I ask Geoff as there's a heavy but okay silence in the room. He shrugs and yawns.  
  
"Probably just piecing together an old Let's Play. We might try to do another Minecraft." He explains. I nod my head and he shrugs again. "I don't know. I guess depends on who shows up." I finish my part of the editing fully now and save it, clicking the button over ten times to make sure I didn't lose everything. I email the missing piece Trevor needed and click off of the computer, stretching backwards. Gavin and Michael come through the door again, both eating Fruit Loops.  
  
"What the hell?" I ask, laughing. Geoff glances up at them over the monitor ahead of him.  
  
"Where'd you get those?"  
  
"Remember during the GTA Let's Play when Gavin said he doesn't eat the fucking cereal in the bottom of the bowl?" Michael asks. We both nod our heads. "Well I'm gonna sit here and he's gonna fucking eat it in front of me." I scrunch up my face in disgust.  
  
"Why would you make him do that?" I say. "That's absurd and sickening." Michael and Geoff flick their heads to look at me.  
  
"Ember, are you telling me you don't eat that part either?" Geoff asks, almost shocked. I nod my head.  
  
"That's disgusting!"  
  
"Exactly!" Gavin shouts. Michael was about to argue when Geoff puts his hands up in the air.  
  
"We are not getting into this discussion again." I laugh with a small snort and Michael just stares at me, ashamed of me or some shit.  
  
"I can't believe we are even friends with you two." He says lowly. I smirk and shrug. We are all sat there until Michael and Gavin finish their cereal. I can hear them arguing over Gavin finishing the bits, but Michael makes a rage-filled noise when Gavin pours the milk into Michael's bowl. "You fucker." He mutters. "You little bitch." Gavin was making his usual no-breathing laugh and then he sucks in with a hiccup noise. I snort at them and shake my head. Those idiots. I finish rummaging through my emails when I see one new one come in from Burnie. I cock my head slightly and click it. I frown when I read it.  
  
Em,  
  
My office in thirty minutes. Important thing I have to discuss with you.  
  
Burnie Burns  
  
I sigh and look at the time it was sent. That was sent twenty-five minutes ago. My eyes widen and I close off my tabs, grabbing my bag hurriedly. The three men in the room watch carefully as I dart out the door and down the hall. I was panting when I made it to Burnie's office. I straightened my shirt and glasses while running a hand through my hair. I knocked once.  
  
"Come in." I took a deep breath and walked in, closing the door behind me. I walk over to the desk in front of him as he throws his glasses onto the table and rubs the bridge of his nose. Oh shit. I'm fired. I'm so fired. Fuck fuck fuck.  
  
"You wanted to see me?" I asked, trying to be careful with my breathing and tone. He nods his head and puts his glasses back on his face.  
  
"Yeah." He says with a stressed tone. I swallow hard. "Lindsay and Barb stopped by this morning, begging for me to find a show to put you on." I frowned as he continued. "All of our shows require facial acknowledgement and with you, that's not gonna happen. Not with that fear, anyways..." I hang my head. "Look, I know you're camera shy, but you can't just edit videos and be in Let's Plays without fans asking questions about your face." I nod my head and look up slowly.  
  
"I apologize for my phobia. I won't let it stop this company-"  
  
"Woah, woah, I'm not telling you that you need to completely put yourself out there." Burnie says softly, stopping me. I look at him with confusion. "I'm just saying that if you want to do more, expect to be hounded with questions." I nod my head and he watches me, studying my facial features. "You though I was gonna fire you, right?" I smile small and nod, my nervous shakes gone. "Well you're safe for now." He says with a joking smile. I thank him and stand from the chair. I was about to go out the door when Burnie stopped me. "Oh! Trevor brought me this today." I turn back around, confused once more. What did he bring? I watch as Burnie pulls out a black sketch-book. I instantly grabbed for my shoulder bag, realizing it was lighter. I glared at the book as I imagined it as Trevor. I walked back over to the desk slowly as Burnie opened it up, flipping past different sketches until he landed on one I did a few months back. It was of Burnie and Barbara arguing in cartoon form while she was making puns and Burnie was swinging a chair at her. I personally loved it. Right now, though, it was embarrassing.  
  
"I had no idea he took it." I whispered, grabbing the book after he slides it to me. He smirks and places his hands into a triangle on the edge of the desk.  
  
"I personally like that sketch of Barbara and me. I would like a copy of it, please." I was slightly stunned since no one ever asked for copies of my drawings. I knew I was good but I was humble about it. I kept to myself. I didn't watch art tutorials for no reason... I nodded my head.  
  
"Do you want it colored?" I asked. He perks up slightly.  
  
"That would be awesome if you could do that." He says with almost a slight awe. I smile and nod my head.  
  
"I'll have it for you tomorrow." He nods his head and I begin to walk back towards the Achievement Hunter office. When I pass by the smaller office, I can see Trevor, Lindsay and Kdin sitting just in view from the door. I squint at Trevor and dig through my bag, finding the little rock I picked up yesterday because it looked cool to me. I threw it at Trevor through the door.  
  
"Ow!" He shouts, turning to see the culprit that the rock fired from. "What the-" I hold up my sketch book and he stops talking, running from his chair to shut and lock the door. I roll my eyes, knowing I didn't have time to deal with him. I made it back to the main office and typed in the code for the door to unlock. It took only a second before I was inside. I saw that Ryan, Jeremy and Jack all had arrived while I was gone. I waved quickly at them and took my seat beside Jeremy. He smiled at me and I returned it.  
  
"Team Acu-Pun-cture gets to reunite today!" He whispers excitedly. I glance at Geoff and see that he was setting up Minecraft. I lean over to whisper back to Jeremy.  
  
"What are we teaming up for?" I ask. He giggles slightly and smirks.  
  
"I finally get to be king." I smile wide and gasp slightly.  
  
"Oh my gosh, finally!" I say a little too loud.  
  
"Jeremy is picking favorites!" Michael accuses. I glare at him and Jeremy laughs slightly loud.  
  
"I need a Jester." He explains. I nod in agreement.  
  
"I'm not an opponent completely." I say matter-of-factly. I glance around at everyone and see that Jack and Ryan were already logging into their game. I booted up mine and turned on my capture. Let's do this.


	2. Queen Ember

"Michael!" Gavin wails loudly. I chuckle as I watch from the gate Michael murder Gavin. I was competing, but I was still the one to make Jeremy laugh. It was my duty, after all. I charge up to Michael, knowing his health was low and both him and Gavin had the rest of the equipment I needed. I charged and swung, landing a critical on him. The bear flew away from me along with the stuff he drops from his death.  
  
"Oh shit!" Michael yells in surprise. "Sparky you mother fucker." I giggle maniacally as I gather only what I need from both corpses. I dash back to the throne area just in time for Michael to bounce me into the safety zone.  
  
"I'm safe!" I shout with a laugh. Michael and Gavin both mutter and curse at me while I call for Jeremy. "King Jeremy, your jester has returned with the required objective items." I declare. I hold each one out to him, throwing them towards his little boxy character. "A fishing pole for you to teach a man to fish, a rabbit's foot for luck, a lamb's wool for warmth, and a bone for you to get a bone-er anytime you wish." He didn't tell us what the items were for so I just rolled with it.  
  
"That pun satisfies me, Jester." I smirk and nod my head on my character.  
  
"Thank you, my king." He and I go into a fit of laughter while the others sigh in annoyance. Suddenly my character is hit by Gavin's. I spin and begin wailing on him with a stick I collected. "Gavin!" I squeak. "I'm safe, you pleb!" I declare, using his common pet name for me. He snickers as he runs away from my attacks. I was now one gold block away from winning as I place the block atop my other two.  
  
"One last objective!" Jeremy tells us. We all quiet down to listen. "I require s new suit. I would like a full suit of gold. I will give you each a block to start with since gold is difficult to find in Achievement City." I nod my head as he hands each of us a gold block to turn into ingots We each do so and turn to Jeremy. I smirk as another pun comes to mind.  
  
"Yes, my king." I smile harder, unable to hold it back. "You will become the golden one." He smiles wide at my joke and looks to me from his desk. I smile wider and have a fit of giggles by myself.  
  
"Stop with the puns already." Ryan says with a joking voice. I look at him and raise my finger to him.  
  
"I am the Jester and I am doing my job." I lower my finger and pass by Ryan's Kung Fu house in game to see him expanding it again. "Unlike someone." I say, putting emphasis on the last word. I earn a few 'ohs' from the men and smirk. Ryan spins his character to look at me through the open doorway.  
  
"This doesn't concern you." He comments whilst shutting the door with a creaking noise. I snort a laugh and push my glasses up my nose as they begin to fall from my wiggling head. I pass by and see Jack running ahead of me. I turn on my heels to avoid him since he could easily steal my gold from me with a swift kill and shake of his iron sword he swung at Michael and Gavin.  
  
"Jack you shit!" Michael yells when I see the notification of Jack's murder come on the screen. Gavin wails loudly again when his appears too. I knew I was next. I dart into my little cabin I share with a sheep next to Geoff's house and beside Jeremy's. I close the door and crouch behind my little sheep who recently grew from being a lamb. I stay quiet as Jack sneaks beside me and I think I'm in the clear. Then I hear glass break behind me. I spin and instantly am met with Jack's sword.  
  
"No!" I call out as I fight for my life. Jack wins, of course, causing me to fall to my desk. I was one gold ingot away and I got those without killing anyone. "I was one little ingot away!" I shout. The men laugh at me while Jeremy just pats my back in an apologetic way. I turn my head and glare at Jack. "We're not friends anymore." I mutter. He laughs crazily from beside me and I suddenly see Ryan in the distance following Jack and swinging his diamond- yes, diamond- sword. He hits Jack and instantly the Trials character falls with a drop of many gold ingots and some other junk.  
  
"Dammit, Ryan!" Jack shouts. I run after Ryan and am about to attack him when he stops and drops the gold after seeing me charge him. I cock my head to the side and steal a glance to Ryan. He was looking t me for a moment and smirked before running off. I pick up the stack of gold without saying a word and run to the throne area. No wonder the guy was being so quiet... He just wanted to widen up his house. I made the armor I needed to and cleared my throat.  
  
"My king." Everyone whips their head to me. "I have a full set of golden armor for you to strut into, sir." Jeremy floats down while everyone begins to yell at me and my first ever victory in six months of being here. I place my fourth block atop the tower and stand in my seat. "I won!" I shout. I look at Ryan, whom was smiling and still looking at his screen. I smiled when he glanced to me for a second. He winked and I felt myself shudder slightly. He winked all the time but this time was different. I shook it off when I heard the men shouting at me.  
  
"How the hell did you win?" Gavin squawks at me. I shrug and pull my baggy shirt down a little.  
  
"I got lucky. The gods were on my side!" I said, trying to hint to Ryan, but no one got the reference except him. I retook my seat at my desk, quitting capture when Geoff gave the word.  
  
  
I still was confused, two hours later, as to why Ryan let me win. He could have let Ryan have it. He could have let Gavin, Michael, or Geoff have it. Why me? Maybe because I hadn't won a tower in six months. I was suckish. The office was silent even though everyone was still there. I heard Gavin and Michael giggling about something while I laid on the couch. I stood and walked over to their desks, trying to see what was so funny.  
  
"What are you dumbasses laughing-" I stopped and froze when I saw it was shenanigans from earlier. I wasn't scared of the video or what it was about, but the fact that my face was right there, right in clear view with nothing blocking it. The shenanigans was about Jeremy and Jack, not me! Why was I in it? Gavin and Michael looked to me. My face paled and I just stared at the phone. Michael swung into full friend mode, knowing my fear.  
  
"Woah, Em, it's okay, alright?" I shake my head.  
  
"No, no." I say quickly. My heart was racing. It wouldn't be that bad if the video was still on the camera roll. They were watching it on YouTube. It was already uploaded. There were over two hundred thousand views now. I swallowed hard.  
  
"Look, we can take it down." I shake my head again and back away.  
  
"It's too late!" I say loudly. This causes everyone to look up. I push my glasses up and hold them there, unable to focus so thinking I could see better if they were closer. "Two-Hundred thousand viewers saw my face!" I hold my face and can feel myself wanting to faint.  
  
"What's going on?" Jack asks, standing to come over to me. I place the hand holding my glasses to my chest.  
  
"Shenanigans." I say softly. He thinks back to earlier today and why Jeremy was feeling sick right now. He sighs and goes to Gavin's phone.  
  
"Delete it." He demands. I shake my head and back up to the couch, sitting on it.  
  
"They can't just delete everyone's memories of seeing my face!" I argue. I began to feel myself hyperventilating. My phone dinged loudly and I shook as I pulled it from my pocket. It was Burnie. He texted me. I opened it and caught my breath, wanting to cry.  
  
I see you got over your fear! Keep it up.  
  
I tossed it to the side and laid on the couch, curling up into a ball while everyone was trying to either delete the video and not let more people see my face, or keep the video and try and cope me through the accident. I couldn't show my face outside of the office anymore. Someone could stop me and tell me anything they didn't like about me, knowing it was me all along. The comments would be even more rude. The people who liked me would actually like me a lot less. I feel arms trying to tug me up from the couch and I open my eyes to see Jeremy on the phone. I could barely understand what he was saying. He was trying to talk to Kat apparently because he handed me the phone and I heard Kat's voice through the phone.  
  
"Hey, Emmy, I'm here!" She says quickly. "Talk to me, honey, what happened?" She was trying to keep her voice calm for me. I took deep breaths so I could try to speak.  
  
"Shenanigans, my face, YouTube, Two-hundred thousand." I listed, unable to make a whole sentence. She sighs and takes a deep breath.  
  
"Listen to me, all you can do right now is try to stay calm. What's done is done."  
  
"Kat, that doesn't really help me."  
  
"Nothing I ever say when you need me helps!" She says, laughing. I laugh slightly. "Now come on, breath and relax and just think about something else like how you like to draw me and Jeremy in cartoon form! Do that!" She pauses and I laugh slightly.  
  
"You just want another drawing of you two."  
  
"Of course I do, you dummy! Hurry up and do it I want one." I sigh as my body begins to calm down slightly.  
  
"Okay. I love you, Kitty." I say softly. She laughs and I can tell she is smiling wide, knowing she's helped me like always with my panic attacks.  
  
"You too, Emmy." I hand the phone back to Jeremy slowly and he smiles at me, kneeling in front of me.  
  
"Are you okay?" He whispers. I shake my head and grab my sketch book like Kat suggested. He looks to it and chuckles. "She asked for another drawing, didn't she?" I nod with a small smile and he sighs. "At least it helped." I nod and begin to sketch in silence. As I do, the commotion in the office quiets down and I am able to focus. I loved drawing couples because they looked so happy. Especially Kat and Jeremy. I was so excited for their wedding because I was the maid of honor! I only knew Kat for six months but it was a quick attachment with us.I glance up from my book when I feel weight on the side of the couch to my left. I glance to see Ryan watching me draw intently.  
  
"That's cute." He comments at the small picture of chibi formed Kat being kissed all over by multiple little Jeremy's and one big one with a single rose in his hand and hearts for eyes. "A little creepy but it's cute nonetheless." I smile and nod my head.  
  
"My brain works in mysterious ways." It was silent for a moment. Everyone was at their desk except Ryan and me.  
  
"Want to talk about it?" He ask. I knew it was about the panic attack. Him and Gavin were the only ones who didn't know about my phobia. I sigh and shake my head.  
  
"Not really." I say softly. "Not that I don't want to, but I don't want the attack to come back." He nods his head in understanding. "Maybe some other time, though." He smiles and stands from the couch. He spins to face me. He was practically towering me compared to the height I sat at.  
  
"Well if you need me, I'm here to help." I feel that same shudder travel down my spine as it did when he winked. I cleared my thoughts and focused on the drawing. I couldn't help but feel like maybe there was more every now and then. Then my mind snapped at me, telling me it was the work of my co-workers. I groaned and continued with the small drawing.


	3. Camera Shyness

Like promised, I had Brunie's drawing on his desk in the morning. I brought him coffee like I do every day with it. He wasn't there like usual. I kept carrying around coffees, handing them out to everyone. Once I got to Trevor, I stopped. I glared at him for quite some time.  
  
"Oh come on, Ember!" He whines. "I would have been lost without you saving my ass on that edit. It comes out today thanks to you." I keep staring at him and slowly hand him his coffee. Just before he grabs it I pull it back again.  
  
"Say that you need me." I say. He makes a pouting face and I arch an eyebrow. "Waiting..." He throws back his head and goes on his knees. I didn't ask for that much but nice touch.  
  
"I need you." He mutters.  
  
"I'm sorry?" I ask. "I didn't hear you." He groans loudly and looks at me directly.  
  
"Oh my lord I need you, Ember Collin!" He says loudly. I snort when people look at us but he continues. "I'll need you to save my ass forever and ever so please may I please have my coffee?" I tap my finger on my chin while the coffee hung lovely in my hand.  
  
"I don't know, can you?" I ask, a hint of teasing in my evil tone. Trevor looked to me and smirked.  
  
"You really are the evil overlord." He mutters. I gasp and quickly chug a part of his coffee, which is scalding hot, by the way. I burnt the shit out of my tongue. I pull back, nearly dripping the coffee out of my mouth and swallowing hard on the burning coffee. I'm sure my tongue is swollen because it felt wrong and raw. I stick it out to try and see how bad it was only to have Trevor and Kdin laugh at me.  
  
"Fucking dumb ass!" Kdin yells loudly. I roll my eyes and pull my tongue back in.  
  
"I'm not dumb!" I whine. It came out barely understandable because of my swollen mouth. I frown when they laugh at me, taking their coffees. "Jerks." It hurt to talk right now but I could manage. I walked to the Achievement Hunter office where Jack and Geoff were speaking quietly at my desk. They glanced up at me and suddenly went quiet while dashing away from my area. I pretended not to notice while closing the door behind me. I look to them again and wave the two coffees I brought for them. "I brought coffee." I say, trying to make my words audible. They stare at me with confusion.  
  
"What's up with your tongue?" Jack asks.  
  
"You go to the dentist or something?" Geoff was smirking and I rolled my eyes.  
  
"I chugged hot coffee to piss off Trevor and it backfired." It was really hurting with my teeth and roof of my mouth hitting it. They chuckled at me and gladly took their caffeine. I sat in my seat and rubbed at my sore mouth while looking unconspiciously for what Jack and Geoff were doing at my desk. When I saw nothing out of the ordinary, I opened my screen. I instantly screamed when I saw a picture of the ghost from Layers of Fear in front of me. I swatted at my monitor and bite down on my tongue during the scream, causing my eyes to water. I looked to Geoff and Jack when they were laughing hysterically at me. I rolled my eyes and rubbed my hurting and throbbed tongue.  
  
"I hate you guys..."  
  
  
We were halfway through a GTA Let's Play and my tongue was still swollen and hurting.  
  
"So, Ember isn't talking why?" Jack asks, knowing darn well why. I sigh and mutter into the microphone.  
  
"I burnt my tongue on coffee and then bite it when you guys scared the shit out of me." I clear up for the fans. Trevor was taking the place of Gavin today, him off with Meg for a date before the editing later today.  
  
"And tell everyone how you burnt your tongue." Trevor urges. I groan and sigh harder.  
  
"Because you called me overlord and so I drank your coffee but it was really hot."  
  
"But why did I call you that?"  
  
"Because I made you beg." All the men erupt into laughter at both of us. I can't mutter choice words or else I would have. "Shut up, Trevor."  
  
"I'm sorry, who's Twevor?" Michael asks, joining in on the teasing. I look at the screen and see Trevor running in front of me. I raise my SMG and fire it into his characters skull.  
  
"I said shut up."  
  
"I didn't say it though!" He whines. I smirk and eye Michael.  
  
"Don't worry. Michael is getting his pain." I shoot my eyes at Jeremy, him being quiet the whole game. He nods his head small. I look back to the screen when I hear an explosion in the distance. The notification comes up and shows that JDoolz has bombed MLPMichael.  
  
"Lil J!" I shout gleefully the best I can. He smiles and accepts the raised hand I had for a high five.  
  
"Team Acu-pun-cture!" He yells. We laugh along with everyone but Michael and Trevor.  
  
"Not fair!" Trevor declares. "I demand a rematch." He complains. I roll my eyes.  
  
"You're just upset we got you first." I stick my swollen tongue out, the cool air feeling good on it. Trevor sighs and shakes his head.  
  
"You are just mad that you are on YouTube now." I freeze and the room falls thick with silence.  
  
"Edit that out." I hear Ryan say into the microphone. Trevor was about to say something until he saw my eyes watering. I had forgotten about the video. I had forgotten about my face being shown to the world. He realized his mistake and Geoff instantly tried to change the body language.  
  
"So that's how many kills for everyone?" He questions. I look to the number written down.  
  
"Three." Trevor calls out loudly. I smile at his enthusiasm.  
  
"Ten." Michael says as if he wasn't proud.  
  
"Thirteen." Jack replies.  
  
"Sixteen." Ryan says. Of course. He always had the most.  
  
"Fifteen, Ryan you fuck." Jeremy says with a small chuckle in his voice. Ryan laughs small.  
  
"I only got six." Geoff states. "Em?" I clear my throat and smile wide.  
  
"I have one." Trevor smiles and raises his fingers to himself.  
  
"I was that one!" He declares. I nod my head.  
  
"You sure were and I don't regret not killing anyone else."  
  
"That's a double negative." Ryan points out. I shrug and look at him, my lips to the microphone.  
  
"I don't not not give a fuck."  
  
"That's a triple, Ryan, what now?" Michael says, chuckling. Ryan stares at me and I could see a different look in his eyes. It was like he was challenging me to something. I looked away quickly and reattached my eyes to the game. I can see a text pop up from Ryan. When I open it, I instantly smile.  
  
Triples are for nipples  
  
"How does that make since, Ryan?" I ask, laughing loudly. He shrugs.  
  
"Because double is trouble and I couldn't think of anything for triple." I roll my eyes, shaking my head at him with a goofy grin on my face. I then get another text on the game but it's from Geoff.  
  
Quit flirting  
  
I glance up and see him straight faced. I frown. Was I flirting with Ryan? I don't think so. Why would I be? I shrug it off and close the text. We continue to play the game, finally calling it a day when Ryan wins with a whopping thirty-two kills. I had the lowest, like always, with fourteen. Geoff was in front of me with twenty. Everyone else varied from twenty to thirty kills. I clicked off the Xbox and closed the capture program. I stretched in my seat and yawned, tongue feeling much better.  
  
"So why is Caleb editing out the thing I said?" Trevor asks. I nearly slap my forehead but I hold back against it.  
  
"Because what happened with the video was an idiot's mistake." Geoff explains. I frown.  
  
"Geoff, Gavin didn't know." I defend. Jack turns to me.  
  
"You were pretty upset about it yesterday." He informs me. I nod my head.  
  
"Yeah, I was. But I had time to relax about it." I retort. "It isn't Gavin's fault I was in the video. He didn't know about my phobia. Now he does so I hope it doesn't happen again. If it does more than a few times, he is in for a shit stir and I just might be done working here." I was quiet and collected throughout the whole sentence. I thought a lot about this last night. One more slip up and I might have to quit. My phobia was a dangerous thing for me. It caused damage to my health and form. That's why I avoided it as much as possible.  
  
"You'd go as far as to quit?" Geoff asked. He didn't quite understand why I was Camera Shy but I was and I couldn't explain it. I also have social anxiety so those two mixing was incredibly dangerous.  
  
"Yeah, I would unless I can get over it within a certain time span." I sigh when everyone looks at me like I'm stupid. "My phobia is more than just a fear. It's like a sickness. It feels like a complete stranger is looking at my face and laughing at it and throwing darts at it and slicing it up. Like when I meet whoever saw my face in real life they will shoot me at first sight because they know who I am and what I do and who I'm friends with and they can hold me against my will." My heart beat was quickening just from the feeling of my phobia. "Phobia means deathly scared of something. We'll that's what it is for me. I'm deathly scared of being on camera." After my long explanation, all the men are quiet. I look at Ryan, knowing he wanted to talk to me about it.  
  
"Why do you work here then?" Geoff questions. I frown. Did he not want to hire me?  
  
"I enjoy what I do. Editing and playing games to make people happy. That's why I work here. Not because I'm trying to show the world who I am." God I felt like I was at my interview again with Burnie. I told Burnie straight out that I was camera shy and he's kept his word to try and keep me from cameras when they are rolling. The room was silent as my response was taken in. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost five. I had to set up the party tonight for Caiti's birthday. It started at seven. I sigh and stand from my seat.  
  
"Who will I be seeing tonight for the party?" I ask. Jack raises his hand. "Of course you, you bloke." I say jokingly. He smiles and I look to everyone else.  
  
"I gotta edit some shit." Trevor says with a shrug. "If I hurry I can be there by eight maybe." I nod my head.  
  
"I'll be there at early as fuck o'clock since Griffin hates being late." Geoff mutters. I glance to Jeremy and Michael.  
  
"And you guys? The wives?"  
  
"I'll be there at seven thirty or so." Jeremy says. "Kat's out of town tonight." I frown and nod. At least he will be there.  
  
"We might go. I'll text you if we decide to." Michael says with a small shrug. I look at Ryan.  
  
"And you?" He ponders for a minute.  
  
"Yeah. Need help setting up? I mean you got an hour practically." I sigh. Ryan has been to my house many times to help Trevor and me with editing. I nod my head.  
  
"Yeah sure." He smiles and I feel a tug on my chest. My heart skipped. Why did it do that? What's been up with me for the past two days? I mean, I understand the denial I'm feeling but why the ping of hope? I stop questioning myself as I walk to the door, waving to my friends and co-workers. I was so confused by myself right now. I just wanted to go home and start setting up. I hear Ryan call out behind me and I turn. "What?" I ask, zoned out slightly. He gives me a confused look.  
  
"I'm helping you set up, remember?" He reminds me. I clear my throat and head while I nod.  
  
"Right." He follows me out the door and to our separate cars. As we drive to the house, I can't stop thinking about how I've been acting lately. Was it obvious? If so, how was he acting upon it? Maybe asking to help was a trick to make me talk to him about it. I shook at the thought. It terrified me.


	4. Little Wins Count

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream!" I yell loudly over the lyrics as the music was pounding through the house. The party started thirty minutes ago and everyone was there. Jeremy, Michael, Caleb, Lindsay, Meg, Geoff, Griffon, Etc. I smiled at the crowd. I saw Barbara in the distance, drinking and laughing like crazy. Ryan helped with the set up and placement for food and furniture movement and that's it. There wasn't a talk about anything but what we were doing then. I travel through the drinking people and dancing idiots to make it to the back where there was a medium sized pool. It was filled by Geoff, Griffon, Jeremy, Caiti, and Lindsay. Michael was off at the grill, watching Ryan grill hot dogs. I smiled at the two when they glanced up to me. They gave a small wave and I pointed to Caiti, mouthing some words. Michael put a thumbs up and went over to a lawn chair on the patio.  
  
"Alright, Fuckers, listen up!" He shouts. The music was still loud, but people could hear him fine. "Today is Caiti's birthday. So we got her a surprise." Michael points to me and I smirk, whistling. Around the corner of the house came Trevor and Burnie, a giant cake on a table they rolled between them. Caiti gasped and ran to the cake, water dripping off her body without her caring. She looked to everyone with a red face and a giant grin on her face. Suddenly, the cake busts out from the side and an arm grabs hers, pulling her to the cake. She squeals in fear and tries to pull back until she sees Jack's face, covered in frosting. She makes an inaudible noise and smiles, diving onto him.  
  
"You son of a bitch!" She shouts. "You scared the hell out of me!"  
  
"It was Ember's idea!" Jack says, throwing me under the bus instantly. I gape at him and he shrugs while Caiti shoots me a playful glare. I smile at her with a shrug of my shoulders.  
  
"Jack agreed to it." I remark, tugging him under the wheels with me. Caiti and Jack share a quick peck before he steps out of the box cake, covered in frosting. He takes a piece from his beard and licks it, causing some of us to cringe.  
  
"Jack!" We scold, laughing.  
  
"Caiti, you do have a real cake, but it's running a little late." I explain. She nods her head and looks to the destroyed fake one on the lawn and table.  
  
"That was perfect, don't worry." I smile and nod, earning a hug from her. She was so cute oh my god. I walked back towards the grill and stopped beside it, standing there and enjoying the heat. It was kind of chilly tonight, but it was a summer night type of chilly. I watched as Ryan placed hot dogs and hamburger patties on a tray to the side of the grill.  
  
"Thanks for grilling." I tell him. He smiles and nods his head.  
  
"It's not problem, Em." He replies casually. I smile and look at the drink in my hand. It was coke and Fireball mixed together. I took a swig of it. "How many of those have you had?" He questions, gesturing to the alcohol in my hand with the spatula in his own.  
  
"Like four."  
  
"That's Fireball- a whiskey." I look at him, seeing the glow from the grill fire shining on his perfect stupid face. Wait, why am I thinking of that?  
  
"So? It's not like I need a ride home." I retort, jabbing a thumb to my own house. He sighs and puts a hand up in surrender.  
  
"Alright, whatever." I eye him cautiously. He always got nervous when I drank. Why?  
  
"No, what's up?" I urge him to speak, but he stays quiet. I huff and shake my head. "Look, Ryan, we're best friends. You can tell me whatever you'd like about me."  
  
"But would you listen?" He snaps. I look at him blankly. "Exactly." I frown, getting kind of annoyed.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" I argue quietly. "You act like you're my god damn boyfriend!" I can see Geoff and Meg glance to us but I ignore them. Ryan doesn't.  
  
"Look, just go inside and stop drinking so much, alright?" I huff at his command and chug the rest of my mixed drink.  
  
"What's gotten into you?"  
  
"I can ask you the same thing." He mutters. I perk my head up. Was he talking about the last few days? "I'm sorry, but I just don't want you regretting anything." I groaned, feeling the sudden chug of alcohol buzzing and screaming in my head. It was a usual good buzz but Ryan was pissing me off.  
  
"What, like Laurie?" I cover my mouth quickly. Ryan stops what he's doing, turning off the grill and putting the food aside. I feel a tight grab on my arm and a tug. I spin to see Meg and Lindsay. I know I fucked up.  
  
"Ember, let's go." Meg demands. I fight back the urge to insist on staying, but Ryan might go off more than he wants to. I see Geoff and Jack gathered by Ryan quickly as I am tugged hard away from him. I fucked up and I fucked up bad. Meg and Lindsay drag me to the closest room they can find, which happens to be the spare bedroom down the stairs. I flop onto the bed, face into the mattress.  
  
"What the hell, Em!" Lindsay instantly scolds. "You brought up Laurie?" I sigh and cover my ears. I wanted to cry. I hurt Ryan. My close friend and someone I most likely was convincing myself I liked for more than that. I feel both women pulling me to force me to uncover my ears and flip me over.  
  
"Emberella!" Meg says, using my nickname against me. I groaned and opened my eyes to look at them.  
  
"I didn't mean to!" I shout, sitting up. My head spins but I clutch it anyways in guilt. "I know the wound is still fresh, but I was so mad. He was acting controlling, telling me not to drink anymore-"  
  
"So being a caring human being?" Lindsay points out. I glare at her, which she returns. They were pissed and I'm sure so was everyone else who heard about it.  
  
"I wish I could leave this party." I whisper. Meg sighs and runs a hand through her dark purple hair.  
  
"Then why don't you just leave for a while?" She asks. I look at her with confusion. "Like just go somewhere you can run away for a minute, regain yourself, and then come back when you're ready." Lindsay nods her head in agreement to the idea. I sigh and stand from the bed.  
  
"Alright." I say quietly. I walk towards the door and swing it open to see a very pissed off Caiti. Let me tell you, right now, she was not cute. She was furious and it was with me.  
  
"Jack told me." She says quickly. I throw my head back in a groan.  
  
"Caiti, just-"  
  
"Let her go." I can hear Geoff say from the hall down from her. I peak around the door and am slightly relieved to see just him waiting there. "She was in the wrong and she needs to think about what she's done." He says. I nod my head. Caiti groans.  
  
"How could you be so stupid, though?" She grumbles. I frown. I push passed her without another word and walk to the counter that had my car keys hanging above it. I was buzzed, but the drive was just down the road. It was gonna be fine. It was late anyways, everyone was home. Hopefully. I walked to the front door while twisting through the crowd and passed out already Kdin on the front lawn. I smirked at him but kept going to my car. I went into the car and sighed heavily while resting my head against the headrest. I suddenly hear my car door open and I open my eyes to see Ryan climbing in the car. No no no, why? I was about to speak when he spoke instead.  
  
"What the fuck?" He asks hard and harshly. I swallow stiffly. I haven't heard Ryan swear often so when he did it was different. This time, it was terrifying. I was opening my mouth once more but he cut me off again. "Don't talk." He commands. He was still looking forwards. "Turn on the car and go to the park. We are gonna talk this out there and then." I bite my tongue and look at my keys. I was okay with endangering myself but not Ryan too. "What? Now you care about what you do?" I feel tears in my eyes and keep my jaw tightened. Ryan went quiet. I wiped at the slipping tear under my glasses. I knew I fucked up so I really didn't want to hear about it anymore. He deserved to want to know why I said it or if I meant it, but I didn't want to speak about it at all. I slowly put the keys in the ignition and started it up. I was about to pull out of the driveway when Ryan reaches over and unbuckles me before getting out of the car. I watch him in confusion as he comes to my side of the car. He was still refusing to look at me the entire time. He opens my door.  
  
"What are you-"  
  
"Get out and go to the other seat." He commands. I nod my head without an argument and do as told. When I was in, he drove off quickly to the park. His knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. I frowned and looked to my lap. I wanted to cry but I didn't want to now. I was in a bad enough position already and crying always made my circumstances worse. We pull up to the open area and Ryan gets out of the car quickly whilst trying not to slam the door but doing it anyways. I get out slowly and hold my arms, nervous for what was going to happen. The air felt colder now, probably because the warmth in me was gone. I swallowed hard as Ryan pointed me to a bench in front of him.  
  
"Sit down and don't talk until I tell you to." I was going to mention his annoying controlling tone but I had no right to talk to him about anything right now. I nod my head and take my designated seat. He was pacing slightly in front of me. Then he spins, eyes closed and mouth pressed in a hard line. "How could you?" I sigh and he keeps going. "You know that's hard for me and I was just trying to help you out." I keep quiet and hang my head. "Look at me." I slowly look to him and bite my tongue. The anger in his face was obvious and his voice was even worse. It was deep and harsh. "Tell me why you did it."  
  
"Because I was angry."  
  
"Well no shit!" He shouts. I flinch at his tone. I stand from the bench and feel tears of frustration in my eyes.  
  
"Oh my god, look, I know I fucked up!" I shout, shaking. "I'm sorry that I brought up Laurie but I was already annoyed from your controlling behavior."  
  
"Well that was no reason to bring her up."  
  
"I know!" I sigh heavily and turn from Ryan, who was still glaring. "I know... I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you or make you hate me."  
  
"I don't hate you." He says after a moment. I look up to him. "I'm very very pissed at you, but I don't hate you." There's a heavy sigh afterwards and he runs a hand through his hair. I straighten my glasses and push my hair back behind my ear. "I'm sorry that I scared you so much, but I'm still pissed." His voice was halfway back to normal. I sighed back and nodded my head, playing with my fingers in front of me.  
  
"I'm sorry that I mentioned something I know nothing about." I admitted quietly. Ryan came over to stand directly in front of me and took my arm, pulling me to the bench. We both sit and I wait patiently.  
  
"Then you should probably know more about it." I look slowly to him.  
  
"I'm a little drunk. Do you think now is a good time to tell me about it?" I ask, laughing slightly. Ryan returns the small laugh and shrugs.  
  
"If I tell you and you don't remember at least I told someone finally." I ponder on the comment and nod my head. He takes in a deep sigh while I listen as much as I can. "Laurie and I were happy. Really happy. That's what I thought, anyways. After a while of me being gone a lot to work and her getting emergency calls from the office, she thought we weren't together enough. Our kids never saw me practically and she didn't like having a baby sitter all the time or putting the kids on our family." He paused, trying to collect himself. I could tell it was getting to him. "I didn't really understand it, but when the divorce papers came, I signed them because I knew she wanted me to. Maybe I shouldn't have given up so easily, ya know? I kind of regret not talking about it with her." I frowned.  
  
"Well if she let you sign them without saying anything about the situation, she clearly was done with it in the first place." I input. Ryan sighs and nods his head.  
  
"I know, but I just can't fight this feeling. It's just drilled into my brain and every time someone mentions her or talks about what happened I lose it. Hearing you say it made it even worse because you're one of my best friends and it's pretty much like you told me I was an idiot for my choice to sign the papers." I hung my head.  
  
"I didn't mean for it to sound that way. In fact, I shouldn't have said it at all." I say softly. He nods his head and I sigh. "I'm sorry. It sucks you don't even get to see your kids."  
  
"It hurts, but I guess it's all part of the living process. You win some you lose some." I furrow my eyebrows.  
  
"You didn't win anything, though." I point out. He looks to me and smirks for a second before looking away.  
  
"Little wins count, too."


	5. You're Fired

Ryan and I talked for what seemed like hours, but really I passed out and he took me back home. He forgave me after a while but I didn't forgive myself. Right now I was hungover and I wasn't going to be in any of today's Let's Play. I was going to be editing in the other office with Caleb. He needed to know exactly what to edit out and where. I usually helped with special effects that made the Let's Plays more funny pike zooming in and where to put funny scenes from moments before they are mentioned. Today though since I was hungover, I wasn't doing much. Everyone that heard about what I said to Ryan last night wouldn't even talk to me unless they needed to. Jack did, though. Michael, too. I was really hurt when Jeremy wouldn't. I'm sure Caiti, Lindsay, and Meg were passed still. As I sat there with Caleb listening to the new footage I heard a conversation I wasn't sure how to feel about.  
  
"Make sure you edit this out, Caleb." I arch an eyebrow and listen closer. They were playing Cloud berry Kingdom so whenever they edit a lot out its like playing with fire. People notice. "Ember isn't here because of what happened with her and Ryan." He pointed out. I frowned. Caleb looked at me and then back to the computer. Gavin was here today so he piped in a bit. Geoff was sitting in for Jack and so far he did poorly.  
  
"I heard from Meg what happened. That was total shit on her part." I hung my head. Ryan and I talked it out but no one knew that yet.  
  
"Guys, come on." Ryan says quickly. "She didn't mean it."  
  
"Oh, it sure as hell sounded like she did." Geoff says angrily. "Ryan, we know you are her close friend and you feel for her-"  
  
"Geoff." Michael warns.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She didn't mean it, alright? If anyone should be mad still it's Ryan and he's not." There's a long pause before anyone speaks again. "Lindsay told me they talked it out." Michael inputs. I smile small. Lindsay my darling you made Team Rage stay together.  
  
"We did. Then she passed out and I drove her back home." Ryan clears up. Geoff sighs heavily.  
  
"Whatever, man, but all I'm saying is she shouldn't be forgiven for that."  
  
"Oh what do you know?" Ryan snaps. I sat back a little in surprise. "You don't know why she said it or what pissed me off about it. You don't know what we talked about. Just shut up and let's finish this game already." Everyone was quiet, stunned. Caleb was watching me intently. After that conversation the game was returned to normal. Gavin messing up a lot, Michael yelling at him, Ryan flubbing up words, everyone yelling at Ryan for messing up words, and Geoff talking about dicks. So the usual. After we edited out the part we were commanded to, Caleb took off his headphones and turned to me.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said lowly. "I was mad at you still. I didn't know-" I hold up a hand to stop him. He silences himself and I smile small.  
  
"It's okay, Caleb. I don't care who is mad at me anymore. Like Jeremy said; Ryan is the one who should be mad and no one else." He smiles back at me and I ruffle his hair like always. He glares at me and I shrug. When he stops glaring, he gets tiny little stars in his eyes.  
  
"Wanna see the YouTube comments from the last shenanigans?" He pipes up. I freeze.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"I know you're camera shy, but come on you gotta see what they are saying about you!" I frown and shake my head.  
  
"I don't want to see the hate." He returns my frown.  
  
"Well there's only like two or three comments like that but the rest are crazy!" I bite my lip and debate whether I really wanted to see them. After a moment I nod. He excitedly pulls up the video while I'm almost passing myself in fear. I could hear my heart in my ears screaming no a million times a second. The video is up and playing by the time I relax a little. Jeremy was stuffing his face to try and beat Jack, who was slowly and normally eating his container of greens. Jeremy was so pissed at Lindsay and me for not telling him the plan they had. I smirked at the video and saw Caleb pause it on my face. I shivered, knowing it was the first time I was seen on camera and it was on YouTube. He scrolls down the page to the comments and I instantly see a comment about me.  
  
Finally a face to put with the beautiful voice.  
  
I smile and look to another comment. A few were already "shipping" me with people. Like Trevor, Caleb and even Ryan. I smiled and laughed a bit at one of the comments about Caleb and me.  
  
Ya know, Camber was always a pretty name...  
  
Caleb turned and winked at me, making me roll my eyes. We were just going through the comments for a while when I felt my phone vibrate. I dug it out and saw a message from Geoff. I sighed and looked to the text.  
  
We need to talk about a new job for you.  
  
I felt like crying. I was getting fired? I swallowed hard and stood from my chair next to Caleb. I waved to him but wished I would have said more. I slowly walk to the AH office. I pace in front of the door and take a deep breath. When I open the door, I see only Geoff and Jack in the office. The rest must have left for lunch. I walk over to Geoff's desk and hold my hands together in front of me.  
  
"You wanted to speak to me?" I asked quietly. He looks up and nods his head.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Burnie and I need you in his office." I nod my head back at him and follow him as he stands up and walks to Burnie's office. The whole time we walk I can feel eyes on me, judging what happened. When we got to the office, Geoff shut the door behind us. Burnie was sitting there with a stern look on his face.  
  
"Good, you brought her." He says lowly. I tighten my jaw and swallow hard. I was so fired. "Look, Ember, we have been discussing your job and what you've been doing here with the Achievement Hunter family and we think that you should maybe look into working with another branch." I frown. Another branch? "Maybe with Funhaus or Kind of Funny." I shake my head.  
  
"With all do respect, guys, I want to stay here and help with this branch." I say flat out. Geoff sighs and rubs his face.  
  
"Em, with your phobia and how you act about certain things, it's dangerous to have you here. Achievement Hunter is the one that shows their face the second most, FunHaus being the first." He says tiredly. "Maybe you can edit for them, though.  
  
"I can get over that!" I say quickly. "I can try at least..." I put my hands between my thighs and frown, trying to keep from crying. The two exchanged a look.  
  
"Ember, we're sorry. We can give you only the rest of the week to change and that's it." Burnie tells me. I take a deep breath and nod, feeling determined.  
  
"I can do it." I tell myself more than I tell them. "I promise." When we got back to the office I instantly looked to Gavin and Michael. "Guys, film me." I beg. My heart was pounding with fear but from being fired. Right now my camera shyness was being the least of my trouble. The two look at me, dumbfounded.  
  
"What?" Michael whispers. I sigh and lean closer so none of the others can hear.  
  
"I'm gonna get fired if I don't get over my fear." The two exchange a glance to each other before looking back to me. "Please?"  
  
"Ember, sorry, but we aren't filming anything right now." I frown and nod my head.  
  
"I understand." I whisper. I walk back to my desk and take a seat with a hard face. Jeremy and Jack both glance to me. "Hey." I whisper. They nod their heads at me and I lean onto my desk. I suddenly feel a hand on my back and look to see Geoff. I sigh and lean back up.  
  
"Don't force yourself." He tells me with a sad smile. "You've got a week." I nod my head and run a hand through my hair.  
  
"I know I just don't want to be fired." I admit. Geoff thinks for a moment and then I can see a little gear in his head turning.  
  
"I got an idea." I perk up and watch as he walks to Gavin and Michael once more. They have a quick discussion before Gavin smirks and nods his head. The British man stands and walks in my direction.  
  
"Let's do a Play Pals!" He shouts excitedly. I smile wide and nod my head.  
  
"Yes!" I stand and wrap him in a hug, looking past him to Geoff. The boss smiles at me with a thumbs up. "What will we play?" Gavin shrugs and looks to Michael, whom was smirking evily.  
  
"I guess Five Nights at Freddy's." I glare at Michael and then smile to Gavin.  
  
"Challenge accepted." I stick out my hand and shake Gavin's. "Team Vocabulary is gonna kick Freddy Frazzbear's ass!"  
  
  
Three minutes into the game in a dark office and I'm already jumping at every sound.  
  
"I hate this game." I whine, covering my eyes with my hands. Gavin chuckles from beside me.  
  
"Oh come on, Em, it's just a- Shit!" He screams as Foxy moves from the camera. "Code red, Foxy is gone!" I gasp and glance at the screen, frantically clicking the cameras.  
  
"Chika is, too!" I point to the monitor and Gavin grabs for his headphones.  
  
"Not the duck!" I would usually laugh at his reaction, but I was nearly pissing myself, too. "Where'd they go?" I click to the hall camera to our right of the room and shake my head.  
  
"Get out of there, you Prick!" I shout at the fox mechanical. Gavin takes the mouse and shuts the door quickly. I bring back up the cameras and click to the janitor's closet behind Foxy. Chika was standing there with dead eyes looking into the camera. I squeaked in fear and clicked back to the stage. "You two better not-" The screen statics. "No!" When the screen clears, Gavin whines with me.  
  
"Why does it have to be Freddy?" He complains. I agree with him quickly until the power goes out and the camera shuts, scaring both of us.  
  
"Shit." I mutter. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, ducking into Gavin. He was about to do the same to me, but instead pulls the camera closer to my face. I tried to avoid it but remembered that's what I needed to do to keep my job. I grabbed his shirt and screamed when Freddy jumps from the shadows and into our faces. Gavin drops the camera during the screech and I laugh hard as he struggles to pick it back up.  
  
"You dope!" I said, laughing. He chuckles and places the camera back before stopping capture and Webcam. I stand from the desk while he prepares the video for editing since he had to do it today. Once I walked from the desk, Geoff shrugged to me.  
  
"I guess you get to keep your job." He says with a smile. I nod and hug him quickly. Without his idea I wouldn't have found a way in time.  
  
"She was gonna get fired?" I hear Ryan ask loudly from his desk. I turn to him and sigh, nodding.  
  
"If I didn't get over my fear I would be fired, yes." Ryan looked stunned.  
  
"That's so stupid, Geoff, why would you tell her that?" He looks angrily to Geoff. Geoff shrugs and rubs the back of his neck.  
  
"We had to get her to show her face somehow." I frowned and glanced between the two men.  
  
"So I wasn't gonna be fired?" I asked, confused and suddenly upset. Geoff shakes his head.  
  
"No, you were going to be laid-off." I stare at him. "There's a difference."  
  
"Yeah, Geoff, I know there's a god damn difference!" Ryan stands from his seat and comes to my side.  
  
"That was idiotic, Geoff." Geoff frowns angrily.  
  
"Well god dammit, I saved your job either way Em, and Ryan why are you so mad? She called you out-"  
  
"Geoff!" Jack snaps, intruding on the conversation. The room was quiet. I hung my head and rubbed the part of my nose my glasses sat on. In the heavy air, Geoff returns to his desk while Ryan and I just stand there, both infuriated


	6. Ember VS Ryan

I grabbed the controller tighter as I had my tongue stuck out in concentration. All the hours I put into this map are finally showing though. I pulled my character high into the air and smiled when I placed the last block I needed to. I smiled and kicked my feet up on my coffee table. I finished the new Let's Play map and it would probably never be used. It had many different games, such as one called Ant Farm. Team Lads and Team Gents would be in survival and have to travel all the way down to the bottom, finding chests along the way with gold blocks hidden in them. At the bottom was the queen ant, or a mooshroom, waiting with an obsidian block. First team to erect the tower won. Another game was called hide and seek. Each person would get an invisibility potion that would last eight minutes. You had only a certain area to hide in and whoever wasn't found in the eight minutes would be safe and whoever wasn't would have to find the people. If there were more than one person found, then the first one found would be the seeker. Other than those, the rest were pretty much remade board games in mine craft form. Such as Clue, Life, Pictionary, and Operation. It was seven in the morning. I was awake all night making this stupid thing? Shit. I have work in an hour and I still need to sleep. I groaned and saved the game before switching off the Xbox. I grabbed at the closet door and rushed to throw on a sweater, even though it was hot as balls outside, but I never wanted to show my arms much. I had tattoos that I loved, but they were more for myself. I tugged on jeans, doing a tiny dance to get all the way into them. My boots slipped on quickly and I tossed a shoulder satchel on my arm. Fixing my glasses with a pant, I jogged to the door and took my keys from the hook.  
  
  
We were halfway through a new Let's Play and I was completely exhausted. It was a horrible decision to dedicate a whole world to games and not even show anyone. I yawned heavily and finally someone called me out on it.  
  
"Damn, Em, why the fuck are you so tired?" Michael asks, eyeing me. I shrug and rub my face.  
  
"I pulled an all-nighter." I admit.  
  
"What could have possibly been important enough for that?" Jeremy, filing in for Jack, questions. I shut my mouth quickly when another yawn tries to escape.  
  
"Nothing." I say quickly. "I just didn't want to go to bed." It was partly true. I look at the screen and watch Gavin bouncing as the last survivor for Cloudberry Kingdom. He fucked up though like the rest of us and we restarted.  
  
"Oh come on, there's gotta be something to make you stay up." Jeremy accuses. I roll my eyes at him. Ever since what Ryan had told them yesterday, everyone had backed off and cut me a lot of slack. They had no idea what happened. The only one trying to still hold it against me was Geoff. He was such a confusing guy. One minute he's trying to break my camera shy fear and the next he's back to hating me.  
  
"I made something on Minecraft out of boredom..." I mumbled.  
  
"What did you make?" I glance at Jeremy and then to my screen.  
  
"N-nothing for everyone to know about." I reply.  
  
"Why don't you just tell us?" Ryan asks, his voice rolling through my headphones. I swallow hard. "I mean, you did get hired for creativeness." I could feel the heat reaching my cheeks but a yawn stopped it.  
  
"Because I made something completely pointless and lame."  
  
"Is it a giant penis?" Gavin asks abruptly. I roll my eyes as some of the guys chuckle at the outburst.  
  
"No, it is not a giant dick, Gav." He shrugs and smiles at me. I smirk and watch as my character slowly but surely is going across the screen perfectly. "Oh shit." I mutter.  
  
"Go, Em!" The men all chorus in different tones and phrases. I begin squeaking in nerves and make it to the door at the end of the stage.  
  
"Yes!" I yell loudly as the rest begin to freak out slightly and congratulate me. "I beat that shit without even focusing." I said with a bit of cockiness in my voice.  
  
"Alright, sit down, Ego." I roll my eyes at Michael's comment. He smiled at it and I smiled in return. I was still confused as fuck with his emotions and shit... "Let's stop." I nod my head and grab my mouse, clicking stop on capture and saving my audio to edit later. I close off everything and yawn once more.  
  
"Shit I'm tired..." I whisper more to myself than anyone else.  
  
"Take a nap." Ryan suggests. I glance up to him. "That way we can break into your account and see what you made." I narrow my eyes at him.  
  
"Listen here, Rye Bread," I start, "You will not break into my account and be alive long enough to see that map." I warn. He arches an eyebrow and smirks at me. I narrow my eyes at him while Michael stands from his seat and points at us.  
  
"Overlord challenge!" I go wide-eyed as Trevor and Lindsay come in with phones recording the crew. Shit. I quickly avoided the cameras and looked at Ryan.  
  
"Are you shitting me?" I ask, covering my face with my hands. "This was a Versus set up all along?"  
  
"Well we knew you stayed up doing something so we were gonna find out and use it against you." Jeremy mentions. I groan and throw my head back.  
  
"I hate you all." I glance to Ryan, whom was still staring at me. I smirked at him. "I get to choose the challenge since it's a surprise." He shrugs and puts a hand towards me.  
  
"Sounds fair." I smiled wide and slid forwards to my desk, opening the Minecraft selection quickly.  
  
"Already choosing her secret weapon!" Jeremy announces. I nod my head. Might as well use it to win. I open the world and as it's loading, stare at the camera. I shiver crazily and take a deep breath. I needed to get over this.  
  
"Before I reveal this screen to you all, I need to set a disclaimer-" I state, "I spent all night testing and setting up all these games. All of them are from two to eight players." I watch the men nod and listen to me. "So if they are shit, I apologize." Gavin snickers with Michael and the rest nod again. I uncover the screen and reveal the first game- Pictionary. It was more than two players required though so I ignored it. Some of them were talking about the large map and different games I created. Once I reach Ant Farm I frowned. I knew where everything was in that. I couldn't play that one. I flew over to Operation and nodded. This game worked.  
  
"Okay!" I yell, announcing it was chosen. "So the way it works is there is a chest containing the piece you need to extract from this beautiful zombie villager made from fireproof wood and wool. Please do not be an ass and break it with a fist. Around the chest is two blocks to three blocks worth of lava. You'll have to make it to the chest and back to your chest on the starting side. You don't make it, you put the item back in the chest. First to get all the items or most of them wins." Ryan nods and the versus begins. I kept my placement as I watched Ryan ahead of me leap across one of the spaces to a chest. It contained a bone. I smirked when he instantly fell in the lava.  
  
"I am not off to a good start." He admits with a low laugh. I smile and nod my head. I dashed across the lava blocks and got to a chest containing shears and smiled in success when I made it over to the other side again. I placed the shears in my chest and marked a point.  
  
"One to none!" Michael announces. The game continues, me and Ryan dying and retrieving multiple items back and forth. It goes on for almost ten minutes before we reach the last piece in the head. It was stood between ten blocks of lava with stepping stones separating the lava from the objective. It was my turn to run through and no matter how many times I had done it this morning, I still fell into the lava.  
  
"Son of a bitch!" I shouted, groaning. "I made this and I still suck at it." Ryan chuckles lowly while the other men take their time to laugh at my failure. I watch carefully as Ryan makes it to the chest.  
  
"Will he make it back?" Gavin asks, Geoff and him inching closer to our screens. Gavin was smirking over my shoulder with Geoff over Ryan's. I sighed heavily and watched Ryan as he ran to his chest without a single foot dipped in lava. "He made it!" The men all cheer for Ryan while they just laugh at me. I nod my head.  
  
"I am not worthy of the trophy!" I say with a small smile. I yawn quickly and see Ryan wrap his arms around the trophy with a hot dog atop of it and a belt around the bars. There was a rooster trophy on the side also. There was too much shit on that thing. The men calm down and the videos are about to cut when Ryan sighs heavily.  
  
"Wait!" He declares loudly. Everyone snaps their attention to him. "I don't want it." I furrow my eyebrows and stare at him, waiting. He was actually saying this? "She can take it." I shake my head and put up a finger to him.  
  
"I am not letting you tell me I won with a false victory!" I tell him. He arches an eyebrow and watches me intently. "If I get that trophy it will be fair and square." He shrugs and sighs slightly.  
  
"Alright. Let's fight for it."  
  
"Again?" I glance to the cameras. "It's already fifteen in." I explain. It could only go on so long to be a versus.  
  
"Maybe some other time then. Or maybe not even in video games." He said with a small movement of his shoulders. It wasn't exactly a shrug but more of a roll.  
  
"Like fight for real?" Jeremy asks, trying to help it become clear.  
  
"No!" Ryan corrects quickly, laughing. "Like maybe a challenge."  
  
"Oh?" I smirk. "I'm intrigued." I walk towards him with the intent stare I had before locked onto his eyes.  
  
"Give me a day or two and I'll think of something." I shrug and nod my head while jutting my hand to him.  
  
"Deal." He shakes my hand firmly and holds it tight for a moment before letting go. Whatever this man had planned for me was definitely not good for me.  
  
  
Sleeping for the rest of the day until work the next morning was not part of the plan but it was not regretted. I felt so hyper, so happy. I got a text to wake me up at five this morning. It was from Ryan.  
  
Get ready to win that trophy.  
  
I smiled and texted back.  
  
Why do you want me to win so bad?  
  
Because I feel like you got too nervous during your map...  
  
I laugh a bit at his reply and shake my head.  
  
Oh really? Is that my excuse in your eyes?  
  
I put my phone on the bathroom counter and strip from my clothing as the shower water hums against the tile floor in the tub. I press play on my ipod. The music flows through my bathroom with a slight echo while my phone vibrates on the granite. I open it and put a hand on my hip.  
  
No. But I do know you deserve to win something since you only one once during the time you've been here.  
  
I huff and nod my head while quickly typing back.  
  
Only because of you, once again.  
  
I only won because he gave me what I needed to win King Jeremy. It was his choice to help me win. Why was he always so nice to me in Let's Plays? When there wasn't a reply right away I got in the shower. The whole time I was in there, I wasn't focusing. Why was he so nice? Did he feel bad for me? I kept my mind busy for only a moment before I was right back on the subject. Maybe he did feel bad for me. Maybe he hated the way the guys treated me after I lose. Because I do it all the time, they would send pictures of my character with failure notes written all around it. A while back I got fan art that had my character standing on the tower of pimps from King Jeremy. It got released recently so that's a good thing. I shut off the water and wrapped a towel around my naked body before stepping out of the tub. I go to my phone when I see a blinking light. I open it and read the message. It was almost a paragraph long.  
  
Because we are best friends. I care a lot about you and I know you think it's pointless but I do want you to have more than one win in six months. Fans deserve to know you are good at games, you are creative, and you are evil at the same time. I don't care what anyone says, you deserve to win just as much as everyone else in the office. Even Caleb.  
  
I laughed at the end but I felt happy from the rest. I tried to think of a response to the message, but it was hard to reply to. I finally dug into my heart and mind and wrote something out.  
  
Thank you for feeling that way, Ryan, but it is ironic. You and I are best friends but that doesn't mean you need to feel pity for me. It's okay to lose all the time and get a win every six months. There's a lot of Let's Plays. I'll win one more of them.  
  
I rub the towel over my hair repeatedly and grab my clothes from the counter. I wipe my glasses from the condensation and put those on first. As soon as I pull my loose shirt over my head I hear my phone. I go to it and open the screen to see Ryan's name on the screen.  
  
Ironic means opposite of the situation at hand.  
  
I groaned and rolled my eyes. Of course he would point out my grammar at this time. Before I can reply another text is sent to me.  
  
Besides, I don't feel pity. I feel need.  
  
For what?  
  
It takes what seems like an hour for him to respond. When he does, it's a simple line I didn't expect.  
  
To make you happy.  
  
I felt warm. My best friend- no, crush- just told me he needs me to be happy. I smile and glance at the mirror wiped from fog and clearing slowly. I saw the spots on my face and the scratches on my old glasses. My hair was rated and it was usually in a bun. Maybe I should try something different. I never wore make-up and when I did it was light eyeshadow and mascara. Maybe lip gloss every now and then. My face was sensitive to foundation so I never wore it. I could at least do something with my hair...


	7. Tattoos

I walked into work with a shake in my breath. I felt weird having my hair down and curled nicely. I only dressed up for a wedding and that was last year. My make-up was darker but still light. I had on nude lipstick and mascara and that was all for my face. My clothes, however, we're different than usual for even when I dressed up. I never showed my arms except twice since I worked here, but I was still working with Barbara when I did that. I didn't know anyone but her, Burnie, and Geoff. Happier times for sure. I was quiet and less obnoxious. My tattoos showed and I immediately regretted coming to work with no sleeves and this much change. It was bad enough that my shirt had no sleeves, but showing my body figure was even worse. I wore baggy shirts that covered my waist and ass along with my body figure. I was boyish and larky. This flannel dress did not make me feel comfortable. I wasn't myself and it was obvious.  
  
"You look great!" Lindsay's voice echoes when I turn a corner. I blink a few times, instantly going to push up my glasses but only hitting the bridge of my nose. I forgot I had contacts in. Lindsay lands her eyes on my first tattoo instantly. I clear my throat and look to the ground. "I didn't know you had tattoos!" She says a little too loud. I sigh and rush passed her. I only had two tattoos visible out of the five I had. The second one was only partly visible and it was from the back. It was on my shoulder trailing up to my spine. It was a beautiful koi that I hot after I lost my mom. She was a Pisces. I smiled at the thought but stopped smiling when I made it to the door of the office. Maybe I should go home and change. I sighed and shook my head. That was stupid. I got dressed up to feel nice. I felt wrong though. I wasn't the usual me. No. Change was good. It lead to making me like myself again. Where I wasn't camera shy. Where I wasn't bullied all the time. I took a deep breath and typed in the code. I can do this. The door clicked and I pushed it open. As soon as it opened I saw Geoff, Jack and Michael all at their desks. I realized Jeremy, Ryan and Gavin- of course Gavin- were running a little late like me. Geoff darted his eyes to me like usual but did a double take as soon as he did.  
  
"Ember?" I bite my lip and nod my head slowly.  
  
"Yeah." The men turn to me and all seemed shocked.  
  
"What are you all dressed up for?" Jack questions. I hang my head.  
  
"No reason..." I tuck my hair behind my ear. I felt myself shaking and a panic attack about to happen. "This was stupid, I'm gonna go home and change." I say before turning back for the door. I pull on the handle and walk quickly from the door. I'm an idiot. Why did I think this would work? That's so stupid. I look up when I turn the corner and run into someone. I clear my throat and try to fix my glasses but I remember they aren't there.  
  
"Sorry." I mutter to them before glancing up. I figured out quickly I ran into Ryan. I dart my eyes to the floor as quick as possible.  
  
"Ember?" I sigh and nod.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why are you-"  
  
"I'm going home to change." I reply quickly to stop his question of which matched Jack's. Ryan was quiet for a minute and I was still shaking. I needed to change right now.  
  
"Woah, Em, you're shaking hard." I feel his hands touch my arms and I flinch slightly. My eyes were watering as I was frozen, shaking. "What's wrong?" I am forced to look up to him when my body won't let me. I look into his blue eyes and see the little hints of green spread around the pupil and iris. I feel a slight relaxation as I do before I realize I'm staring and tense up again.  
  
"I just regret dressing up and I want to be back in my baggy clothes with no make-up and my hair in a bun and-"  
  
"Sh, Em..." His voice was soft and it soothed me slightly. "It's okay, you don't need to change. Clothes and make-up don't matter. Who cares if you look different as long as you act the same." I watch him, studying his facial features and the way they moved when he spoke. I took a deep breath and nodded.  
  
"You're right..." I whisper. He smiles and nods his head.  
  
"Of course I'm right." I roll my eyes while he winks at me playfully.  
  
"You're a doof." I say lightly. Ryan pulls me into a hug slowly and I gladly accept it, wrapping my arms around him.  
  
"And you love it." I nod my head and he sighs slightly. "You do look nice, Emberella." I smile at the nickname he started that caught to everyone else. I pull back and release him, still smiling.  
  
"Thanks, Ryno." He chuckles at his own name and I wink, walking with him in pull back to the Achievement Hunter office.  
  
  
It seems like I was now the most popular subject of the day. When Jeremy and Gavin came in to see my dressed up they thought I got replaced. Jeremy was about to go off on Burnie and Geoff for if I got replaced. I love him for that. Gavin just took a while to realize it was me because I didn't talk until later on in the Let's Play. I laughed hard when he screamed in shock.  
  
"I thought that you were replaced!" He squawked. It was great. The only person who hasn't talked much about how I looked today was Ryan. After what was said this morning he acted like I wasn't dressed up. I honestly enjoyed it so much. He said it once and that was it. I glance over to him and see him already looking at me. As soon as I saw him, though, he looked away. Strange... I watch my computer as I click and edit the audio from yesterday and the capture with it. I click save over a million times it seems before I finally close the program. It was only Ryan, Geoff and I left in the office. It was lunch time and we all three had editing to catch up on. I stood to stretch my legs when Geoff caught my attention.  
  
"So I never noticed the koi." He says loudly. I catch myself mid step and nearly trip from the sudden realization he had. I grabbed at it with my opposite hand and smiled small.  
  
"Y-yeah." I stutter. "I got it when my mom died. She was a Pisces." I can hear Ryan stop his editing abruptly. Geoff stands from his chair and comes to me.  
  
"Got any other tattoos?" He asks, perking up slightly. I nod and he smiles small. "Can I see?" I bite my bottom lip and shrug.  
  
"They aren't exactly in a place I'm comfortable with showing." I mention. Geoff waves his hand.  
  
"Come on you're like a sister to me, just show me." I swallow hard and nod. I lift my dress skirt and reveal the tattoo that surrounded my thigh and went up to my ass. I felt uncomfortable and my face was as deep a red as the flowers I was showing Geoff. He smiled and pointed to it.  
  
"Woah I just got a look at the not so innocent side of you." He comments. I quickly pull the hem down and hang my head. That was the third tattoo visible on my body now.  
  
"I still have two more but that would require me to remove my dress." I inform him. He nods his head and I smile, returning to my desk shortly after. I was happy with my tattoos but they were personal. I felt like I was the only one to understand do them and what they were beautiful for. I glance to Ryan who was watching me intently. This time, it was with a different look than before. I couldn't quite place my finger on it but it was something different alright.  
  
  
It felt good to have my glasses slipping off my face again with sweatpants and a baggy shirt while my hair was back in a bun. I was munching on popcorn with my feet curled under me when I heard the doorbell ring. I cooked my head to the side. It was pouring out and I wasn't expecting any visitors. I walked to the door and peeked through the glass hole to see Ryan, soaking wet, standing on my barely covered porch. I quickly opened the door and pulled him inside before he explained anything.  
  
"Are you mad? It's freezing out and you're standing in the rain you dumbass!" I scold him instantly. He sighs and nods his head.  
  
"I know." His tone was quiet and I knew something was off about him. "I just needed someone to talk to." I frown and go towards the bathroom but shout to him as I do.  
  
"What do you need to talk about?" I grab a towel from the top shelf and start going back to Ryan. He sighs loud enough for me to acknowledge it.  
  
"The house is so quiet and lonely..." I frown as I wrap the towel around him and begin rubbing his arms. "I miss her, Em." His voice was just above a whisper. "We went through so much to be together and she just left me..." I put a hand on his shoulder while he held the towel with his own hands.  
  
"Ryan, Sweetie, it hurts to not be with someone you love, trust me." He nods his head but then looks up when he realizes what I said. I giggle lowly. "Yes, I was once in love for many years also." I look to the couch and motion to it. Ryan nods and I follow him. He sets the towel on the couch before sitting down and I wave my hand. "Don't worry about the couch. It's old anyways." I pull a throw blanket over him and tie it around him like a cape. He smiles and nods his head.  
  
"Who were you in love with?" He asks softly. I sigh and play with the loose thread tying together my sweatpants.  
  
"A man named Jake Lawrence." I tell him. I clear my throat as the ball of pain in my stomach comes upwards instantly. "We were together for five years, to be married in the next one. He was with me through everything. Then, when I needed him the most he was gone. Both times." I frown and hang my head to hide the tears forming behind my eyelids. "When he was there for me, it wasn't the same as before. It was like he was feeling bad for me. Like caring for me was a charity. So as the wedding drew closer, I kept postponing it to make sure it was what I wanted. In the end, it was. Jake disagreed."  
  
"Do you mind me asking about those times?" He asked in a moment of silence. I shook my head.  
  
"I don't mind..." I swallowed down the pain again but it shot back up. "I lost my mom when we were planning the wedding. That's what made it postponed for the first time. I was emotionally unable to be married. Jake found that a good time to go party early with his friends. When I told him about it, he said he would be home quick and he didn't come home until the morning after I cried myself to sleep. Then the next time was when I had a-" I paused and looked to my stomach, gripping tightly as I remembered the news I received. I could tell Ryan took the hint.  
  
"Why did you still want to be with that-"  
  
"Ryan..." I trail quietly. He shut his mouth quickly. I frown and look to the paused television. "I am the way I am because of that guy. The loose clothing and camera shyness. The bun hair and no make-up. I guess I like the fact I went through that bullshit."  
  
"Why?" Ryan sounded in disbelief.  
  
"Because without him I wouldn't have been locked up in my house all day and night to create the videos and games I did to get where I am." Ryan and I smile at each other for a moment before he looks away with something different in his face. He looks like he's about to say something but he closes his mouth and watches the frozen television. I frown. He's been off since the office. As we sat alone in the house with the rain pelting the tin roof and glass windows, I got a tiny idea. It was brave but also so small. I swallow hard.  
  
"Do you want to see my other tattoos?" I ask softly. It was so quiet he almost didn't hear.  
  
"You mean the ones you would have to have taken off your dress for?" I nod my head and he cocks his to the side. "Why would you want to?" I shrug and rub the back of my neck.  
  
"Because they're personal to me and I want to share them with you..." I trail. He smiles at my words and nods his head. I stand to remove my shirt. Before I do, I feel Ryan grab my wrists fast. I look to him with confusion.  
  
"Are you sure you want to do that?" I swallow hard and nod my head.  
  
"Positive." He slowly releases my wrist and I raise the hem of my shirt. My bra was revealed as I tucked the object under my arms. I lift the left side of my bra and reveal the hummingbird tattoo that looked like a watercolor painting. I smiled at it and touched it gently. "This is a tattoo I got to show I might be weak and tiny but I have a lot I can do for the world." I explain. Ryan smiles at it while staring at the outline and color. I turn my back to him and unclip my bra while holding it with my arms to reveal my spine tattoo. It was watercolor also, but it had a different meaning and symbolization. It was abstract. "This one is strange to people who don't know why I got it. It is abstract and watercolor for a reason. It shows that even with sharp edges, I can still bleed softly. Even through I don't have a particular shape, I can still be beautiful in someone's eyes." I quickly redo my bra and lower my shirt while covering my chest with my arm. I pull my shirt down again before I look at Ryan. He was smiling softly at me.  
  
"Those are beautiful, Em." I smile back at him and take my seat beside him. Silence filled the room again. I looked at the T.V. and grabbed the Xbox controller.  
  
"Let's watch some Netflix." I suggest. He nods his head slowly. I flip through the different videos and movies, but all I could think about was the compliment he gave my tattoos. I blushed and felt warm from just the thought of it. I was so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tattoo and outfit links:
> 
> Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/m/set?.embedder=2235215&.svc=copypaste-and&id=199504591  
> First Tattoo:http://www.kooltattooideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Vintage-Anchor-tattoo-1.png  
> Koi Tattoo: http://www.tattooeasily.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/koi-fish-tattoo-designs-2.jpg  
> Leg/Ass Tattoo: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSR_rr6ba8XEFI2H8kCkk9y1nQYEcw5y5NSFbZKTa2IPDR8PgY29w  
> Hummingbird Tattoo: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQA6OzTE6L5yOM4K8ZrZ_yINVRYeVWij75MnxWRTeRN9fiOEqoY  
> Spine Tattoo: http://www.cuded.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/5-water_color_abstract_2_by_koraykaragozler.jpg


	8. We Didn't Fuck

It was still raining in the morning when I woke up. Ryan had stayed the night, scared of going back to the empty house he lived in for a year now by himself. I offered for him to sleep in my room with the bigger bed and I in the guest room, but he took the spare room. I walked from the bedroom in my splatter painted pjs to the living room when I heard soft tacking on my Xbox controller. I glance up and see Ryan playing around on my games. I was fine with that until I realize that he was playing Sims. I gasped and darted to him, yanking at the controller but unsuccessfully taking it from his hands.  
  
"Hey!" He shouts with a small laugh. "I'm playing a game!" I groan and reach for it again. I was embarrassed by my gaming selection. I was told it was boring and not entertaining in any way. Sims was one of my top games. Along with Peggle and Zoo Tycoon. I whined a bit and kept trying to grab the console device. Ryan kept it just out of reach each time.  
  
"James!" I shout, making him pause. I realize what I just said and he chuckles.  
  
"So you're using my first name as a weapon?" He asks. I shrug and nod my head.  
  
"Well, yeah. You won't listen either way." I mutter back to him. He sighs and turns back to the game.  
  
"Why do you not want me to play anyways?" He questions. "Are you embarrassed by it?" When I stay quiet, he turns to look at me. His face drops slightly. "Why would you be embarrassed by it? It's just a game." I hang my head and shake it shortly after.  
  
"You're right, it's stupid."  
  
"I'm not saying it's stupid. I'm saying there's nothing to be embarrassed about." His voice was gentle but still strong enough to make me understand he was serious. I stare at him and then look up to the game. His character was currently eating by himself. I walk around the side of the couch and take a seat next to him. We both just watch while sim Ryan finishes his food and goes to answer his cell phone. The little notification pops up asking if he wanted to chat with another Sim, who just so happened to be mine. He smirked and turned to face me.  
  
"I'm gonna hang up." I gasp with fake pain.  
  
"You wouldn't." He chuckles and shakes his head.  
  
"I wouldn't." He says before hitting A to accept the call. As the two sims chat forever it seems, Ryan finally hangs up. "Isn't that how we first became friends?" He questions after the sim goes towards the shower.  
  
"What?" I reply.  
  
"Us talking on the phone for ages." I try to think back to when Ryan and I did become best friends. I smiled small.  
  
"Kind of. I mean, it was all work related." I tell him with a small laugh hidden in my voice. He smiles and shrugs.  
  
"Well yeah, but still we were talking forever it seems." I nodded in agreement. We were going over edits over the phone from eight at night to one in the morning. I remember feeling so nervous that talking to him so late was going to effect his work ethnics and get him in trouble. Ryan and I were close but it was more of a friends from work close. We talked a lot and we confided in each other a lot, but sometimes we were just friends and other times we were like best friends. After a moment, my phone begins to vibrate on the coffee table in front of us. I look at the screen and see a number that sounded familiar but wasn't saved. I answered it, skeptical.  
  
"Hello?" I asked quickly.  
  
"Hi, is Ember Collin there?" I arch an eyebrow. The voice was familiar, too.  
  
"This is she."  
  
"Oh, good." That voice was driving me crazy. Who was this? "This is Jake." I furrowed my eyebrows until it finally clicked.  
  
"Jake?" I whisper, sudden anger boiling in my gut. Ryan whips his head to me, watching as if witnessing two parents getting a divorce talking on the phone.  
  
"Been a while, huh?" I scoff and stand from the couch.  
  
"Try seven months." There was a high amount of venom in my voice.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to you."  
  
"About what?" I was trying to act like an adult but the child in me was wanting to give him the silent treatment and smack his face until he called the cops.  
  
"I just want to talk about getting something going again.. Starting new and fresh." I stayed quiet. "I changed over the last seven months." I glance to Ryan, who was still staring at me intently. I ducked my head away from him and started to walk back towards the kitchen. Figures I would talk about this asshole the night before he calls.  
  
"Jake, we ended because-"  
  
"I know, because I wasn't being serious about us anymore. Trust me, I figured out that real quick." I shut my mouth again. I did love Jake. I was still willing to marry him when most said I shouldn't. "I was mean to you- real mean. I was a horrible person. When I was an expecting father, I was even worse. We lost a kid-"  
  
"I know we lost a kid, Jake, I was the one who went through that shit and you weren't even there!" I said a little too loud. I cover my mouth with a shaking hand. "Why would you want to get back together, huh?"  
  
"Because, Ember, you're the best thing I lost and I took too long to realize it."  
  
"Damn right I was the best you had." Jake sighs heavily while I just lean on my kitchen counter.  
  
"Em, can't we meet up somewhere to talk?" I look to the granite counter top and try to think of something.  
  
"I live in Austin now."  
  
"I can fly there or I can fly you here, it doesn't matter."  
  
"Wisconsin is pretty far, Jake."  
  
"I just want to talk to you." He says softly. "Please." I knew I was supposed to say no in a conversation like this and walk away with an explosion in the background, but right now I was on the verge of crying. Jake was always sweet and caring, just clueless and unavailable a lot. I sighed heavily.  
  
"Okay." I say after a while. "Fly out here because I'm not going back to Wisconsin."  
  
"I understand. Thank you. I'll be sure to let you know when I book a flight." I nod my head and hang up quickly. I put my forehead on my arm and groan. Why did I agree? I sat back up and rubbed my face. Oh my god Ryan is gonna be pissed. I just told him I wouldn't want to be back with Jake and yet here I go talking it out with him soon. I just won't tell him. I'll look like a hypocrite. I walk back to the living room and see Ryan still sitting on the couch, but his attention wasn't on the game.  
  
"Hey." I say casually, sitting next to him again.  
  
"So that was Jake?" He asks instantly. I nod. "What did he want?" His voice was quiet and low as if in defensive mode. I shrugged and sat back against the couch, trying to be casual.  
  
"He just wanted to talk."  
  
"And?" I swallowed sort of loudly, but I don't think he heard.  
  
"I told him I don't want to hear from him." I lie. His jaw shifts and he looks at me.  
  
"Why are you lying to me?" His blue eyes were now ice cold. I swallowed hard again and looked at him with sorrow.  
  
"I didn't want to sound hypocritical." I admit quietly. He sighs and shrugs, looking back to the screen.  
  
"Well if I could talk everything out with Laurie, I probably would have said okay to it also." He tells me with a bit of a softer voice. I frown and sit in silence with him for a moment. "Maybe I should go. I need to change for work." He says, standing from the couch. I shake my head.  
  
"I can get you a new pair of clothes from my closet. I have a lot of guy shirts. Jeans don't need to be changed." He looks at me and then to his shirt. He nods his head and I smile, running to my closet. I needed to get ready to but that could wait for a minute. I tug on the hanger of my Achieve shirt. I realize then that it's Ryan's achieve shirt... Oh no. That's gonna look weird. All my other guy shirts were pretty dirty so that was the only one left for him to where. Well shit. Oh well. I dash back out to the living room and hand the shirt to him with a smile. He looks from it to me.  
  
"Why do you have my achieve shirt?" I shrug.  
  
"I was a fan before, remember?"  
  
"These came out after you got hired." He points out. I stay quiet for a moment and repeat myself.  
  
"I'm still a fan." I admit shyly. He chuckles.  
  
"Of me?" He winks at me before turning and stripping abruptly from his shirt. I watch the fabric remove itself from him and I quickly spin away from him to distract my eyes. Was I blushing? It was Ryan, oh my god, stop. I bit my lip when I heard him chuckle lowly once more. "Like I said," he pauses to lean close to my ear, "you're a fan of me." I shivered and quickly walked to my room with his laughter still trailing behind me. He liked to make me uncomfortable, that was obvious. It was a funny kind though, not a rude kind. I rummaged through my closet and finally pulled together an outfit. I couldn't find my normal glasses so I had to use my new ones. I was saving them for when the ones I had currently worn broke. I grabbed my bag and shoes, pulling them on fully and then walking out to Ryan. My shirt was only one size smaller than his usual wear, but it outlined his muscles and shoulders perfectly. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. He looked at me and smiled.  
  
"Still in awe over me?" I roll my eyes and slap his shoulder.  
  
"Oh shut up. You wish."  
  
"Oh yeah." I smirk at his words and then think of maybe he actually meant it. That he actually did want me to be in awe over him. I walk to my car and slide into the driver's seat and wait for Ryan to move his car first from behind mine. When he slides into my car with me, I look in the rearview.  
  
"You walked here?" I ask, stunned. He shrugs and nods.  
  
"Yeah. I could use the walk." I frown and look down the street towards his housing area.  
  
"You live four blocks away!" I point out.  
  
"That was four blocks worth of walking." He acted like it was no big deal, but I kept feeling like he was in way too much pain to have walked those four blocks just to talk to me. I shake my head and start up the vehicle.  
  
"You're crazy." I say in disbelief. He smirks and nods in the passenger's seat.  
  
"Of course I am." He looks at me. "So are you."  
  
  
No one said anything about Ryan and I arriving to work together. Of course, why would they. Ryan looked like he was wearing his own clothes and that I was still able to talk to him normally-  
  
"Did you guys fuck?" I can hear Trevor ask from behind me. I currently was getting a cup of coffee for Ryan, Geoff and myself. He was stuck behind me to wait for him to get his. I roll my eyes and turn to face him with all three coffees balanced in a drink carrier.  
  
"No, you dick." I mutter, eyes narrowed. He rolls his eyes and winks afterwards.  
  
"You might call me a dick, but you got one last night." He teases. I groan and throw my head back.  
  
"Ryan and I didn't have sex. Why would you think we did?" I was beginning to get annoyed.  
  
"Because you guys came into work together." He says as his only evidence to false accusations. I glare at him.  
  
"So, like co-workers?" Trevor stands silent for a moment. "Exactly." I push passed him towards the office. I stop by our mail cubbies, grabbing all of our mail like I did every usual morning. I make it to the door and struggle to open the heavy wood before almost spilling the coffee. I make it through and walk over to the two men and hand them each a coffee while placing my own on my desk. I sort through the mail and stack them according to name. Michael's, Gavin's, Jeremy's, Jack's, Ryan's, and then Geoff's. I place each stack on the desk, Gavin and Michael receiving the most and Jack and Geoff receiving the least. I frowned. Why were they always the least? I am about to throw the junk mail away when I see a letter addressed to me. I arch an eyebrow and go to my desk to open it. Once I do, I see it's a picture. I smile at it and see at the bottom that it's signed by the artist.  
  
"I got fan art!" I shout with excitement. I was so happy to finally get a physical form of art to hang on my bulletin board. It was of me with the guys, myself in the middle of all of them standing on a tower of gold. My little character in her squid costume was screaming finally while the rest of them were bowing except Jeremy as he was placing a crown on my head. I smiled with tears of joy in my eyes. This was great. It was adorable and just all around perfect. I spun around and pinned the paper instantly to my bulletin board. I grabbed my phone and snapped a quick picture of it, posting it to twitter with the artist's name mentioned in the caption. I glance back around to see Ryan and Geoff chuckling at my excitement. Surely they remember the first piece of fan art they received. It must have been like what I'm feeling now. As I look to their separate little cork boards, I see the fan art they received compared to mine. I was still happy as hell to even have one picture.


	9. Be My Boyfriend

I finished off the editing just in time to be able to participate in another Play pals but this time it was with Ryan. It's been two days since the night he came to my house and I invited him back anytime he wanted to. He took that chance and came over last night to play video games. Michael and Gavin were both busy with personal affairs and other work so Ryan and I decided to volunteer for Play Pals this week. The camera was being set up and I watched as Ryan set up the audio.  
  
"What game are we playing?" I ask. He turns to me and smirks, leaving me with a heavy feeling. "Is it a horror game?" The audio begins to record while Ryan syncs the devices together. I sigh heavily. "It's a horror game isn't it?" I said it as more of a knowing statement. He chuckles with still no real solid answer. Once I know the audio start, I look at the camera and speak into the microphone. Getting seen on camera was now becoming way easier and just like before I was camera shy in the first place.  
  
"Hey guys, so Ryan is refusing to tell me what the play pals is for some reason. It's pretty shit if you ask me." I glare at the chuckling Ryan as he continues to set up the game. I look at the screen and my face drops. "No." I say with disappointment. "Ryan." He laughs harder at my face and I look back tot he screen. He leans to the microphone.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are playing Gears of War." He looks to me and smirks.  
  
"Ryan... Who told you?" I ask, glaring at the screen.  
  
"Lindsay." I sigh heavily.  
  
"She's gonna die." I claim. He chuckles and looks back to the camera.  
  
"The reason why we are playing Gears of War is because out of all the video game characters you could possibly be scared of in the world of video games, Ember here is terrified of the berserker." I frown and hang my head.  
  
"She's scary!" I whine.  
  
"That's why we are going to play only the parts she comes out!" He says with excitement. I glare at him and then stare at the camera with the same glare.  
  
"I hate you both. You and Lindsay. Don't even think of talking to me after this. Either of you." I warn. He continues to laugh as I grab my controller. I was going to be playing Dom while Ryan was playing Marcus. I tried to keep myself calm as I knew the big berserker was going to make her first entrance. As soon as I heard her call out in a roar, I felt my heart drop. "I'm gonna let you down I can tell you that right now." I tell Ryan. He looks over at me and smiles.  
  
"I won't let you."  
  
"Well I'm gonna." I say with a nervous laugh. I watch carefully as I see the screen shaking from the weight of the Locust monster. I take a deep breath and dive out from hiding to distract her like I was supposed to. As son as she ran, I wanted to cry. I screeched loudly and began to hall ass down the hallway, knowing her arms could easily smash Dom. I rolled behind a pillar only to see her smash it right over me. I screamed while Ryan was just laughing and shooting at the berserker to distract her to him.  
  
"That isn't working!" I tell him with a panic evident in my tone. He chuckles and nods.  
  
"I see that." I whimper as she keeps coming for me.  
  
"Ryan!"  
  
"I'm trying!" He shouts over my cries for help and whimpers.  
  
"She's gonna kill me." I could feel the tears in my eyes and my heart was trying to break from my chest. I took deep breaths to try and relax as soon as Ryan distracted her successfully. I then flew right back into panic when he went down.  
  
"Shit!" He yells. "Run, Em!" I squeak and do as told. As soon as she gets close to me, tears escape my eyes.  
  
"Ryan, I'm gonna die!" I tell him, trying to keep myself under control. "I was not ready for this!" I dove towards the spot I needed to be, but I missed by a second because I was quickly shot down by the berserker. I screamed out in surprise and begin to whimper as the screen said we failed. I dropped the controller and covered my face, knees instantly flinging to my chest.  
  
"Ember, are you okay?" I shake my head and he chuckles, pulling my hands from my face. "Are you crying?" I nod and he sighs. "It's okay, you're safe." He pulls me into his arms while I still whimper. "You're safe. It's just a game." His hand rubs up and down my back and I sigh into his chest.  
  
"It might be just a game but it's scary as fuck." I whine. He chuckles and pulls back from me.  
  
"Let's stop." He says before cutting capture. It was a short Play Pals, but it was enough to soothe people's needs for another one. I looked to Ryan and he sighs slightly. "I didn't think you'd cry." He admitted.  
  
"I always do with Gears of War. Did Lindsay not mention that?" He shakes his head while I huff. "Of course she didn't." He chuckles slightly and saves the audio and capture for us to edit later.  
  
"I'll treat you to lunch as an apology." He offers. I shrug and nod.  
  
"I could use lunch."  
  
  
My phone rings after I swallow my second bite. I recognize the number from the other day as Jake's. I glance to Ryan, who was eating his food quickly. I answered the phone quietly.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Ember. I bought the tickets yesterday. I leave for Austin right now. I texted you but you never replied." My eyes widened and I remember glancing at the text but ignoring it for the meeting I was in.  
  
"Shit!" I mutter. "Alright, call me when you land. I live not too far from the airport. I can get you in like ten minutes after landing."  
  
"Alright. Sorry to announce it so late." I shake my head and clear my throat.  
  
"It's okay. I'll have my schedule cleared by then." I hang up with him and see Ryan eyeing me differently than before. He finished his food already while I had a few bites left.  
  
"Jake?" He asks, clearly understanding the conversation.  
  
"Yeah." I reply. "He's coming today and I totally forgot."  
  
"Where's he gonna stay at until he leaves?" Ryan asks. I shrug and bite my sandwich.  
  
"Either at a motel or my house it doesn't matter. If I have a say, he isn't being left on the streets." I conclude. Ryan stays quiet for a minute and the air feels different in the office. "What?"  
  
"Do you think him staying at your house is a good idea? I mean, you guys might be blinded by the past and just connect again and he never leaves." I frown at him.  
  
"Is that a bad thing?"  
  
"Well, yeah." I put the rest of my food down and stare at him.  
  
"Why? Because you're gonna get jealous you're not the one I'm in awe about?" I ask, joking about the other day when he teased me about the Achieve shirt. He wasn't finding it funny. I sigh afterwards. "Ryan, it was a joke. Where you laugh-"  
  
"I just think you deserve better than him." I bit my tongue.  
  
"What do you know?" I huff. "Jake's trying for me just like he used to."  
  
"What makes you think it won't go back to the way it was?" Ryan asks, stumping me from words. "What if you end up getting hurt again because of the same god damn reason?"  
  
"Why are you getting so defensive over me?"  
  
"Because you're my friend and I care about you!" I shut my mouth quickly and look to my food and then to the office door. I lost my appetite and I just wanted to leave and go punch a tree outside the office. "Look, Em, I don't want you being like me. Where you walk four blocks to talk about something that you can't let go of." He stands from his desk and comes over to mine, sitting on the edge of it. "Why can't you see that the past happens for a reason. You said so yourself you were happy to be gone from him and been through the shit he put you through. It got you here." He opens his arms to identify here as the office. I keep quiet still. "I'm sorry I got defensive, but you have to see where I'm coming from."  
  
"But that's the thing," I say quickly with tears of frustration in my eyes, "I don't see it. I'm so confused by you, Ryan! You're my best friend and we have gotten way closer in the past two days than in the past six months. I don't know whether to be angry at you for trying to tell me you care all of a sudden or if I should trust in your words and follow them." I sigh and hang my head, tears sliding off my glasses and onto the desk. "I have so much shit I don't understand about you. Like why you're so nice to me compared to everyone else. Why you put up with my bullshit when you really should have asked to fire me for half the stuff I do or say. I don't understand how you can still act like everything I do is okay when clearly it's not!" I was out of breath and tears were coming fast down my face. I sniffled and wiped at the water droplets with my sleeve. Ryan stands and pulls on my arms gently to stand me to my feet. I am covered by his torso as his arms pull me to him. I begin to slowly but surely cry into his chest. He shushes me every now and then but I feel his hand rubbing my back lightly with his thumbs. The shaking of my body calms under his touch and my eyes close as we just stand there, my arms folded to where I was completely engulfed into his hug. I took deep breaths before pulling back from him. He smiles softly at me and wipes at the tears streaking my cheeks.  
  
"Don't let me tell you how to feel, Em. Your mind has no limits." As I felt his hand grazing my cheeks, I felt a ping in my heart. That's when I finally accepted it. I was falling for Ryan. I kind of always was, I guess. Right now, though, it made itself obvious. My mind snaps back to Jake. The man I almost married was flying out here to talk to me about how our relationship ended and was going to try and mend things. I couldn't be falling for Ryan with that happening- it was wrong. My cheeks flustered and I realized my voice was spilling out before I could catch it.  
  
"Do you want to come to my house tonight for dinner?" I ask quietly. Ryan arches an eyebrow.  
  
"Dinner?" I shrug and nod.  
  
"Well, yeah. Where you eat food with friends." He chuckles and rolls his eyes.  
  
"Alright, smart ass, sure. I'll come by for dinner." I smile and take in a deep breath.  
  
"Good." I watch him walk back to his desk and I can't help but feel excited. That's until I realize it sounds like I just asked Ryan on a date. I slapped my forehead quietly and groaned mentally. Well shit.  
  
  
Ryan was coming for dinner any minute and I was still thinking I asked him on a date, like an idiot. When the doorbell rang, I was startled from my thoughts. Maybe he didn't see it as a date. Hopefully he didn't. Even though a date would be nice... No, Ember! I go to the door and sing it open to see Ryan dressed casually. Thank god because so was I.  
  
"What's up?" He asks, coming through the open door. I shrug and shut it behind him.  
  
"Just got done with the food." I reply. "Now bare in mind, I'm no chef. I have a limited menu." I warn him. He chuckles and follows me to the coffee table in the living room where the food was served already onto plates. It consisted of pork chops, applesauce cups, and macaroni. He smirks and nods his head.  
  
"That is a limited menu." I roll my eyes and lightly slap his shoulder.  
  
"Well it's just dinner so I didn't go all out. It's only us two eating. Besides, I have to pick up Jake in an hour..." I trail. Ryan glances at me. "Will you come with me?" He stares blankly for a moment.  
  
"Won't he think we're together?" I shrug and nod.  
  
"He might, but that shouldn't matter." I say quietly. I pick at my macaroni with the fork and glance at him. "Would it be bad for him to think that?" He eyes me suspiciously.  
  
"Well you're trying to mend back your relationship, right?" I stay quiet. "Wait, do you even want to try and fix it?" I sigh and shake my head.  
  
"Not now... I mean, I want to fix up a friendship, but I don't want to have a relationship with him." Ryan seemed a bit happier when I said that.  
  
"Good. He's a dick."  
  
"Ryan!" I scold. He shrugs and bites into his first pork chop.  
  
"Well he is! I mean, Laurie kind of is, too, if you want to say that." He admits quietly. Wow, talking bad about Laurie?  
  
"Since when do you mouth on about Laurie?"  
  
"Since I knocked some sense into myself about what happened." I smile softly and look at him with my eyes locked on his. We sat there, staring for a moment before Ryan spoke up. "So what if he asks if we're a thing?" He questions. I sigh and rub the back of my neck.  
  
"That is all on you."  
  
"Well I wouldn't want him to think that we aren't..." He trails. I arch an eyebrow. "I mean I'm not saying I would want to uh..." I laugh slightly at him trying to find his words.  
  
"Just until we talk it out and he leaves." I say, making him focus again. He sighs slightly and nods. It was a deal. I was fake dating Ryan to get Jake to not want a relationship again. This won't backfire, will it?


	10. Well That Backfired

Yes. Yes it will backfire. Definitely. Everything was fine until Jake arrived at the airport. It wasn't his reaction that made the plan backfire, it was his boyfriend, Preston's, reaction to meeting me. I was stunned even more than Ryan was trying to not be. We both were looking like complete assholes because of this, but we had to stick with it.  
  
"So Jake here tells me you work at a company for YouTube." Preston says, trying to start a conversation int he awkward air. I clear my throat and nod.  
  
"Yeah. Ryan and I work there together." I say, mentioning my best friend's name, whom was still stunned. He snaps into focus and squeezes my hand as he held it tight. We could have backed out instantly from the plan, but Ryan refused thinking it was stupid for him to be there if Jake would have asked. I agreed quickly to the plan, all of it going down as the two men walked to us. Jake looked the same, except he had a beard that was trimmed to line his jaw. His eyes were still an amazing green color that I always fell asleep looking at every night. His hair was a faded dark brown, him refusing to dye it. His body was still built but not enough to show off all the time. Preston was a lot like my body type- Larky and tall. Well, I was tall for a girl. He was average height. His hair was a dark red brown. like mine, but mine was more red than brown and light. His eyes were also blue like mine- did Jake literally just get a man version of me? I glance at Ryan and see that the only thing like Jake in him was the muscles.  
  
"You know, you two are so cute. The way you both look at each other when the other isn't paying attention is exactly how Jake and I met."  
  
"Come on, Pres, that's such a boring story." I spin to look at them with blush in my cheeks.  
  
"Oh come on, Jakey," I say, mentioning the nickname I gave him years ago, "we want to hear it."  
  
"Okay, so we were both in New York for a business meeting and one of my good friends there was telling me that Jake kept looking at me when I wasn't looking at him. I didn't believe him but I couldn't help myself from looking at him in return and one time we both met eyes and that was it. We knew then and there something had to give. We had to push it or pull it. We chose to push it." I smile at the story. It was nice to know Jake moved on, but it was sad I was only pretending to move on. "So how'd you guys meet?" Preston asks. I glance to Ryan.  
  
"Work. I mean, we do work together."  
  
"I know that, Ember, I mean how did you guys start dating?" I bite my tongue and Ryan chuckles. He better have a damn good story.  
  
"So she had been working there for almost a month and I had gone through a nasty divorce a year back. She didn't know that, though, so whenever everyone was on eggshells around me at the office, she was the only one who was able to talk to me like I never got a divorce and that I wasn't in a shit hole." I smile, knowing that part of the story was true. "Then as the months progressed, we got closer, but both of us were still kind of shy of each other. I dropped hints to her but she never picked up on them, always being busy and stuff." I frown. Was that true? I was always busy... I wouldn't know if it was true or not honestly. "So I had been dropping hints for a while and she invited me to a party she was having and I offered to help set up the house to get to know her better, but we both were still avoiding each other to set up the house. Later on, we got into a deep argument over protectiveness she didn't recognize I had over her. We talked it out, though, and everything got better for us after that." I smile softly at him. All that was true; the events and such.  
  
"So where's the part you guys started dating?" Jake asks. Oh no. Was he catching onto our lie?  
  
"I'm getting there. Patience." Ryan says with a grin. He turns into the parking lot at the motel Jake and Preston booked. "We got closer over the next few days, me going to her house four blocks from mine just to have someone to talk to. When she let me stay the night, that's when we both realized we wanted this to happen."  
  
"You had sex?" Preston asked quickly.  
  
"No!" Ryan says, shaking his head. I eye him, not sure how to feel about this since it was only two days ago he stayed over. "We talked about how we felt for each other and how long we felt it." I heard Jake and Preston unbuckle and I followed in queue.  
  
"Keep the car running?" I ask Ryan. He nods his head and I turn to Jake. "Are we gonna talk outside before we go?" He shrugs and shakes his head.  
  
"Give it a day's rest and we can talk." He tells me. I nod and step out of the car to help them with their luggage. I follow them to the motel room, Preston going to grab the key while we waited. "So you and that big guy, huh?" Jake asks, smiling at me while I waited awkwardly.  
  
"Yeah." I say, laughing lightly. "So you and that lanky guy?" I jab my thumb to the receptionist desk. He chuckles and nods.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You weren't lying when you said you've changed." I comment.  
  
"You're surprised?"  
  
"Hell yeah." I say with a slight laugh.  
  
"Well I'm surprised myself. Didn't even know I was bi." I was confused as to how he didn't, but no one really knows until they are hit right in the face by it. I nod and he looks up at me. "I still love you, Em." I shoot my eyes up to him. "But I don't believe it's in the same way I used to." I relax a bit and slowly release the breath I held unintentionally.  
  
"So like a friend?" I ask. Jake nods his head and I smile. "Good. Because I love you, of course, but not the way I used to." He nods and comes closer to me slightly. His luggage was now resting a full foot behind him.  
  
"Do you think that maybe we can kiss a goodnight without either of our boyfriends getting mad?" He asks. I chuckle and bite my lip. His eyes were burning into mine and I took a deep breath.  
  
"Okay, but only a peck." Jake nods and he leans forwards, doing just as agreed. That peck was not the same as before. It was always full of love and passion for each other, but now it was just confirming we moved on. He waves good-bye to me as I walk towards the car to Ryan, whom was eyeing us both. Once I slid into the car, it was a quiet ride home.  
  
"So you guys kissed?" He asked as we pulled up to my house. I sighed and shrugged.  
  
"It was pretty much a kiss to prove we were over each other. There was no emotion there." I admit. He smirks and nods his head.  
  
"It's good that got settled." He inputs. I laugh small and nod. It was nice to know it was over. That we both moved on from each other. I jolted in my seat from the thought of how Ryan said we got together. Were those words true? How he felt about me? I decided to go ahead and take Preston's advice. You either push or pull. His half is up to him.  
  
"Did you mean everything you said to Preston and Jake about us?" He looks to me and then to his lap.  
  
"Well, yeah. I mean we are really close, right?" I frown slightly but force myself to smile.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Yeah we are." I decided I still was going to push. I stepped out of the car and looked back to him. He was still looking at his lap like he was in deep thought. "If you want to come inside and hang here for the night, that's cool, too." I say quietly. "I mean you don't have to go to that empty house..." I trail. Ryan chuckles small and nods his head.  
  
"Alright. I don't have clothes though." I smiled and nodded towards the house.  
  
"I have a load of shirts in the dryer. One of them is bound to be a man's shirt." I mention. He nods his head and follows me from the car to the house. It was eight at night and I was trying not to make it sound like Ryan and I were going to have sex because I didn't want that. Maybe I should pull back instead of pushing. Maybe I should let it go. I push open the door and I suddenly feel an arm slipping around my waist and holding me against the front hall wall. Ryan shuts the door swiftly and I just stand there, shocked slightly. His eyes were closed and I was still just shocked. My breathing was faltering and my heart was racing. The look I had on my face was absolutely not fear. Ryan opens his eyes, looks into mine, and I swear the whole world freezes. I can feel my breathing hitch and my body shivered when he sighed deeply and it tickled my collar bones. He pulls back slowly and shies his eyes from me.  
  
"Sorry. I uh... I don't know-" I walk forwards and place my lips on his softly. When I feel my lips tingling, I pull back.  
  
"It's okay." I smile and see his own lips curl up to match my smile. I glance to the T.V. and point to it. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" I ask softly. Ryan keeps his smile on my lips and nods.  
  
"Sure." I walk forwards, but his arm snakes around my waist like it did earlier. He keeps me against the wall but not with much force at all. "As long as I get to kiss you again." He says with a slight smirk. I roll my eyes and laugh slightly.  
  
"What a cheesy little line." I stare at him for a moment. "I love cheesy." I kiss him gently again and smile into the kiss as it lasts a bit longer than the last one. He pulls back this time, grabbing my hand and rubbing his callused thumb over the tops of my knuckles. He kisses them gently and then releases my hand while watching me shiver from his touch.  
  
"Let's watch that movie." He insists. I clear my throat and nod.  
  
  
I walk into work with Ryan dressed in my Ramones shirt that was again a little tight on his chest and arms. I push my glasses up my bridge and feel Ryan squeeze my hand for reassurance when I was twitching nervously. I was scared of how everyone at the office would react.  
  
"What?" I hear a voice shout. I glance to the doors and see Jeremy running to us with excitement all over his voice. "God damn it's about time you two shitheads got together. You weren't named Team Overlords because you both just so happen to be evil." I roll my eyes and smile with red cheeks while slightly hiding my arm with Ryan's. He keeps his hand loose but tight still on mine.  
  
"Well don't go yapping all over. All we need is for someone to send something through Twitter." Ryan tells him. Jeremy nods as I hear a ding from my phone. It was a little bird whistle telling me it was Twitter. I pull out my phone and see I'm tagged in something with Ryan from Gavin and Barb.  
  
"Might be a little late for that." I whisper to Ryan. I show him my phone as the tweets open. The one from Gavin is of Ryan and I walking from the car together with our hands locked. The other from Barb is her already trying to make a ship name under Gavin's photo. She already had down the name Rymber and Eman. Ryan groaned and I tucked my phone away.  
  
"Well if you start getting rude tweets you'll at least know why." He warns. I nod my head. Today should be eventful then... We follow Jeremy inside the office and I can hear my phone blaring it's annoying bird whistle. Here they come. I was now terrified to look at my phone. I avoid all eye contact as I make it into the room with Ryan. I glance at my little fan art on my cork board and smile. At least someone still likes me. I pull out my phone nonetheless and open twitter. The first five and pretty much saying 'ew' and 'not a good couple'. The next few are saying 'congrats' and the others were asking about Laurie. That's not gonna look good for Ryan's love life for sure.


	11. We're Cute

"You Fucker!" I yell as Michael laughs uncontrollably. I groan while the other men are sat confused. That is, until they see the little notification.  
  
SparkyBabe_AH was slain by MJones  
  
The others erupt into fits of laughter while I charge at Michael's bear character. He fakes a panicked yell and dives into the water.  
  
"You're in my waters now!" I shout, referring to my squid skin. I viciously begin to beat him with my bare fist but barely win against his wooden axe. "Asshole." I mutter whilst collecting my gubs. Geoff was laughing harshly with Jack while Michael was sitting their fussing.  
  
"Team Rage!" Michael shouts with a fake sadness evident in his voice.  
  
"You and I are no longer a team you cunt."  
  
"You love me, shut up." He says with a low giggle. I roll my eyes.  
  
"Yeah, whatever, Mogar." The Let's Play continues for about ten minutes. Everyone at the office died down about Ryan and I, claiming bets they placed weeks ago and not really expecting it to happen. Jeremy speaks up, catching my attention.  
  
"So I heard your ex flew in yesterday." All eyes shifted to me for only a second before back to their designated screens.  
  
"Who told you?" I ask quietly.  
  
"Lindsay."  
  
"God dammit!" For a minute I thought it was Ryan. I forgot I told Lindsay.  
  
"Yeah, you can't tell my wife shit." Michael inputs. I glance at him for a second.  
  
"Your wife is my best friend so shut your whore mouth."  
  
"I thought I was your best friend!" Jeremy whines.  
  
"Me too!" Ryan claims with him.  
  
"No, you're her boyfriend." Geoff corrects. I blushed at the mention of our relationship. It was new but it was awkward still. I wasn't sure how to act about it. I smirk when I see Jeremy running ahead of me.  
  
"Of course you're my bestie, Lil J." I say before slicing at him with my iron sword. He shrieks as his character falls to the floor into a puff of smoke.  
  
"Besties my ass!" He snorts. I giggle and nod.  
  
"We're not picking favorites." I remind him.  
  
"Oh, we're not?" Ryan asks slowly.  
  
"Why?" Jack questions Ryan's change in tone.  
  
"Because there's only one person he hasn't slaughtered." Geoff points out. That one person was me. Well fuck.  
  
"No!" I beg loudly and quickly. Ryan's Scottish character appears suddenly in front of me.  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Were you following me?" I squeak while he laughs lowly. It sends shivers down my spine. "Please don't! I'm so close!"  
  
"Did this just turn into sex?" Michael asks.  
  
"Oh god." Jeremy says lowly, turning his character from us in the background. "I didn't see this going down." He claims.  
  
"Lil J!" I whine. He shrugs and shakes his head while laughing.  
  
"Not picking favorites." He mocks in a high tone. I groan and begin to dart away from Ryan and his diamond sword against my iron one. I am whacked across the back and screech as I dart to my house beside the kung-fu house. It was a small cobblestone hut with a wood stair roof. It was kind of like a villager house but better. I shut the door behind me and I could see Ryan staring at me through the door holes.  
  
"Once you get out of there you are going down." He warns. The men laugh while I shake my head.  
  
"I'm safe! Houses are safe!" I remind him, panicked.  
  
"That's why I said after you get out, dumbass." The men chorus in "oh's" and a small "burn" comes from Michael. I smirk and shrug.  
  
"Then go ahead and win." I say casually. I turn my character to my bookshelves and bed. "I'll just chill here... Read a book maybe..." Jack chuckles from beside me and I glance to Ryan to see him smiling warmly. I look back to my door to see he had disappeared from the frame. I didn't trust it. I knew Ryan too well.  
  
"Okay, guys, to call it all fair, I'll end this right now." Jeremy calls out. I frown, knowing I could have won if I wasn't trapped in my house by Ryan. "I have placed the golden block atop my own obsidian and now I am placing-" Jeremy stops mid-sentence.  
  
JDoolz has been slain by BM_Vagabond  
  
"Ryan, no!" Jeremy bellows in angst. I giggle as I open my door to freedom and dart to the finishing arena. I knew I was okay until I got there.  
  
"God dammit!" Ryan groans. "I don't have a good enough pick axe!" I take a deep breath and hold it while running my little legs off.  
  
"Guess you killed me for no reason, you fuck." Jeremy grumbles with a smile spread on his face.  
  
"Oh no, killing doesn't need a reason." Geoff, Jack and Michael all laugh at Ryan's response while I was focused on getting to where I needed to go.  
  
"Ember has gone silent!" Michael points out.  
  
"Shut up no I haven't." I reply quickly. All men smile and I can see Jack and Geoff look at me.  
  
"You are gonna win aren't you?" Jack asks. I shake my head, my face red with anticipation.  
  
"Nope!" I shout with a racing heart while I place the gold block on my obsidian. I quickly go to the armor stand and place the gold helmet and chest piece on the stand. I realize then I have to take extra time to open the inventory to move the pieces I needed to my quick bar. "Fuck." I whispered, fixing my quick bar.  
  
"Hizzah!" I hear Jeremy shout while cackling and my inventory closing from being hit by him.  
  
"You shithead!" I spun and swung at him the best I could until I was suddenly pounded on my three others- Geoff, Michael and Jack. "Guys! This is a bad gang bang!" I scream as my character falls to the floor. I frown and stand from my chair, groaning.  
  
"Why was there a gang bang and I wasn't invited?" Ryan asks casually. I roll my eyes and smile at him. I listen to Jack grab the winning gubbins and yell out in victory while I stood there, pounding my head hard enough to hurt only slightly on the white board. I feel arms go around my torso and turn to see Ryan holding me in a close hug. "It's okay, everyone loses sometimes." I roll my eyes and pat his chest lightly. He releases me momentarily and I look to the rest of the group of which were saving their audio and captures. I sighed and went back to my seat.  
  
  
It was lunch time and all of us had went to the break room to eat. Michael and Lindsay sat on one of the couches discussing their days, Geoff and Jack with Jeremy and Matt at the main table and Ryan and I at the couch away from everyone. We were both kind of quiet. Jake and I were supposed to discuss things after work today. Even though there really isn't anything to talk about anymore we still agreed to speak about it. Lindsay would glance at us every now and then and I knew she was trying to ask Michael about us without being heard. I bit into my sandwich and glanced to Ryan, who wasn't really eating much of his. I frowned and leaned over to him.  
  
"You okay?" I whisper. He sighs and shakes his head after a pause. "What's up?"  
  
"Can we talk somewhere-"  
  
"What, so you two are dating now?" I hear Burnie ask loudly as the break room door opens. I clear my throat and shrug. My face felt hot and I was beginning to get nervous.  
  
"We- I- uh..." I trailed as I was unsure how to respond. Ryan grabs my hand and points to the door. He waves to the people in the break room as he leads me to the hall. "What did you bring me here for?"  
  
"Why are you so shy about us?" He asked quietly but strictly. I hung my head slightly and pushed my glasses up to the bridge of my nose before looking back up and avoiding his eyes.  
  
"Because..." I trailed trying to think of a reason. "I don't know. I just am!"  
  
"Did you regret coming to work with me?" He asks. I shake my head immediately.  
  
"No! No I don't," I start, "I just don't want anyone saying something to set something off, ya know?" He stays quiet and I rub the back of my neck nervously. "I don't know how to be in a relationship anymore. After Jake-"  
  
"I get it." He says softly. I look to him slowly. "After Laurie, I was scared. I guess what made the divorce easier was you. I was happy and-" He stops himself from speaking when Kara and Gus walk past us in the hallway. He clears his throat and watches them leave. "Maybe we can talk about this after work..." I nod my head in agreement. That would be better. "For now, though, what do you want us to be?" I was stunned. It was a choice I hadn't seen before. I smiled small and grabbed his hand.  
  
"I liked being together like we were last night. Just us watching movies until bed while being stupid together was nice." I remind him and see the same soft smile from last night creep up to his face. He nods in agreement and I lean up to gently kiss him on the lips. I pull back. "Let's keep it that nice."  
  
  
Jake and Preston decided to come to my house instead of the motel since they were stuck in there all day and night. I gladly accepted the suggestion and agreed. Right now we were all four- yes Ryan is here- sitting together in my living room while having dinner I cooked with Ryan. I had no idea he knew how to cook so that's a bonus. Our plates were nearly clean before all of us said we were finally full. It was quiet for moment until Ryan spoke up.  
  
"Hey, Preston," he says, "want to see the backyard?" He asks, trying to give Jake and I personal talking time. He nods to him and I watch them leave to the glass door and out of it towards the pool area.  
  
"He's a cool fella." Jake says to snap my attention to him. I smile and nod.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah he is." I look at Preston and nod my head at him when I turn back to Jake. "He's pretty wild, isn't he?" I ask with a small laugh. Jake laughs also and nods.  
  
"Sure is." It's awkwardly quiet for quite some time. "So about us..." I nod and focus on his words. "As you may have noticed, I don't want to take you back lover-like, but as a friend type." I nod my head again. "You and Preston are the only people to know me so well and I do miss you. I care for you a lot and Preston actually was the one who made me call you up. He encouraged me so that I would stop looking at your contact and refusing to call from fear of being shut out." I chuckle and sigh.  
  
"Well it was quite an out of the blue call." I mention. "But what you've said is true about me, too. You are the only one who knows so much about me-"  
  
"Not Ryan?" I pause at his question and shake my head.  
  
"We were engaged, Jake, Ryan and I are a fresh relationship. We barely know about each other's secrets." He nods his head in understanding and I continue. "Anyways, you know so much about me that I would be able to count you as a good friend because you and I have been together for so long." I think for a moment. "Friends would be a nice fresh start." I agree. Jake smiles and sticks out his hand.  
  
"Friends then."  
  
"I never thought I would be friends with an ex for the same reason we are staying friends." I say with a huff.  
  
"Well none of your exes turned bi." He jokes. I roll my eyes and laugh slightly.  
  
"Yeah I can't say more than one has." He smiles and stands from the couch with me. We walk over to the glass and stare at both of our boyfriends. I watch Ryan point to a star constellation in the sky above them. It takes Preston a minute before he sees it an reacts in amazement. Ryan smiles and I can tell he's feeling proud. He was a very smart man and handsomeness was a bonus. "We are both very lucky people." The words just spill out, but they were honest. Jake smiles from my peripheral and nods.  
  
"We sure are." He elbows my ribs lightly. "But so are they." I laugh slightly with him in agreement and see Ryan turn his gaze to me and smile softly. I can't help but feel blush rising to my cheeks. He winks and I feel a chill travel down my spinal cord. I shiver from the cold feeling and hear Jake chuckle. "You guys are so cute, ya know. I mean, at first it hurt to see you with someone else but that was for the better." He admits. "You and Ryan? If you guys don't get married in the future then I'll be shocked." I smile small and duck my head from Ryan's gaze. Jake's words made me feel warmer and I knew he was speaking from the heart. He always did. I look slowly back to Ryan and see him laughing with Preston. I could almost hear him laughing from inside it was so easy to remember and get stuck in your head. I had to agree with Jake- we were cute.


	12. Guess Who's Back

When I woke up, Ryan was talking on the phone in the other room. Either that or to himself. I stumbled out of my bed and walked sleepily to the hallway to try and see what they were conveying about and if it was work. When I walked into the kitchen to see him shaking and his eyes watering, I felt my heart almost drop.  
  
"Ryan?" I whisper. He glances his eyes straight into mine and I felt like I could feel everything he felt. All the pain and suffering he felt in this moment from whomever was on that phone. That's when I realized who it was. I frowned at the thought of her calling to mend things with him but not in the way Jake and I did. I almost turned angry before I remembered what Ryan said. He would answer the call if it was Laurie. He still loved her and if she was planning on taking him back into her life with those adorable kids- I stop. Ryan was going to be with her. He said so himself he would probably take her back if he could. I begin to back out of the room and go to the living room. I sit there, thoughts clouding my brain while I waited for the conversation to end between them. Did he want me around him? Was I a rebound? Maybe he was better off with Laurie. Maybe those kids needed a father and she realized that. I bit at my bottom lip to keep the tears from slipping. Ryan was in pain and I was our here being selfish about my own feelings. I stopped thinking about myself and focused on Ryan. He loved her. They worked so hard to be together and they were so happy- why did she leave? Did he get an answer to that question? He was on the verge of tears when I saw him. I would understand if they tried to make things work again. We would still be best friends and call it quits because I know he loves her still. He will be happy again and see those two adorable children he has been dying to see again. I smile small at the thought of Ryan reuniting with his family, but I can't help but feel jealous. Laurie thought she could just come along and do this? Then again, she was his love and the mother of his children. He should at least feel something for her, right?  
  
"Hey." Ryan's voice flows through the room and I stop thinking to turn my attention to him. I try to keep my tight throat cleared.  
  
"Hey." I repeat his word and we both stay where we are. Ryan stood by the opening to the kitchen while watching me intently. His phone was gripped tightly in his hand. I tried to avoid all the feelings that my mind gave me about the phone call. I finally took in a sharp breath and looked to him. "So-"  
  
"Yeah." He says, cutting me off. He kept staring at me and I was beginning to get confused as to why. Was he able to see how I felt?  
  
"What's happening?" I ask softly. He walks over to me and sits down on the sofa. I patiently wait for him to respond. His head goes into his hands with his fingers in his newly cut hair and his shoulders are tensed. I frown whilst watching him. Even when I first met him six months after the divorce he wasn't this bad. It was like he was going through the legal spat all over again. He pulled his face up to look at me.  
  
"She said she wanted to rethink her decision from last year." I tried to keep my frown hidden but my straight face faltered. He looked to my mouth and then to my eyes, frowning. "I told her that it's too late-"  
  
"Ryan, stop right there." I say quietly, smiling small the best I could. "You love her and you have every right to be with her. She had two kids with you. She loves you if she is rethinking her decision. I understand." I hated admitting it but it had to be said. Ryan shook his head and turned his body more towards me.  
  
"But I don't think I want to fix it anymore. I'm happy again and then she calls and..." He trails and I know he's feeling the pain from that call come to him. He sighs and closes his eyes. "I just think that right now is nice." I smile at his words but I can't hide the fact I feel like he's wrong. Like he is with the wrong person right now. I sigh and duck my head slightly.  
  
"I just think you should give it a chance. You've said so yourself that you want to try again-"  
  
"That was before we started- this!" He says, gesturing between us back and forth.  
  
"Just try it, okay?" I whisper. His shoulders were even more tense than before. I reach up and gently touch his arm. "Please? Just to confirm how you feel about all of this." His eyebrows were pressed together in frustration.  
  
"But I know how I feel and I know-"  
  
"Just do it!" I shout, finally having enough. I was on the edge of breaking and I was shaking slightly. I pulled back from him and ran a hand through my hair while pushing my glasses up to my eyes before throwing them off in frustration. I toss the pair of glass and metal onto the couch beside Ryan while I stand and rub my face. My hands fall to my shoulders and I take deep breaths while rubbing my thumb over the Koi on my shoulder through the tee shirt fabric. The couch squeaks to symbolize Ryan standing from it. I was biting harshly on my lip to stop myself from crying. I was angry, frustrated, jealous and upset all together. I felt hands slip around my waistline and travel to connect in front of me. I am spun to face him and sniffle as I avoid his eyes.  
  
"Look at me." He whispers. I hesitate, but slowly do as told. His usually blue eyes were filled with a dimmer light, but it was more careful of a light than the bright color it once held. "I'm not gonna ruin anything between us right now. I like what we have and it's confusing as hell sometimes, but I like it this way." He tells me seriously. I rub my nose with my hand and hair falls all in front of my face. Ryan beats me to the punch and pushes my hair from my face. I can feel the usual warm sensation he gave me run through my body. I feel his fingers slowly creeping upwards from my hips to my armpits. I freeze and look up at him with a small smile playing on both our lips.  
  
"Don't you dare." I warn.  
  
"What are you gonna do about it?" I bite my lip and grab at his wrists, but they were already attacking under my arms. I squealed out and began to frantically try and escape. I fail dramatically and crash onto the couch with Ryan hovering over me and running his fingers all over my ribs and stomach before spinning and pinning me down by sitting on me and grabbing my ankles.  
  
"Ryan!" I cry out, laughing with tears streaking my cheeks. I kick hard but Ryan is able to control me too well. I slap at his back and keep calling out his name in begging he will stop.  
  
"If you don't keep quiet the neighbors will think we're banging." He informs me. I cover my mouth and keep laughing, my stomach hurting from the tightened muscles becoming tired.  
  
"Get off, you Lug!" I yell through my tears and laughter. He sighs and shrugs while doing as commanded. I take a deep breath and release it. I wipe off the streaked tears and grab Ryan's outstretched hand to pull me up. When I am yanked to my feet, I hear a snap on the couch beside me. My eyes widen and I spin to see my glasses are broken now. I frown and groan. "No!" I pick up the bent metal frame while trying to find a way to slide the lens back into the metal. I sigh and Ryan's hands come to mine, retrieving the broken pieces from me.  
  
"What prescription are you?" He questions. I shrug and think to what I am.  
  
"Like a two point zero. Why?" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of folded glasses. I arch an eyebrow at him. He shrugs and hands the pair of spectacles to me.   
  
"I'm a one point seven five so you should be okay with these, right?" I nod my head and take them thankfully. I slip the pair onto my face and squint at first to focus. "You'll get used to it." He tells me with a small smile. I nod my head in agreement.  
  
  
It was really fucking hard to see with these glasses even though they were close to my prescription. That point twenty-five made a big difference.  
  
"Blind as a fucking bat, Sparky?" Michael asks with a chuckle. I roll my eyes and flip him off while keeping my face close to the screen.  
  
"Sorry they don't help much..." Ryan mutters with a small voice. I shake my head.  
  
"They help more than not wearing any. I wouldn't be able to see if I had no glasses at all." I reply. Ryan nods his head and turns back to editing his video for the day. I was trying to write an email out to all the staff about a meeting coming soon with YouTube enterprises but I couldn't see what the hell I was typing. I groaned when my eyes started to shake and hurt from the screen and wrong prescription. I whined a bit and rubbed my eyes. "Can one of you read this email over for me? I need it done by two and it's almost one fifty." I complain. Jack nods his head and turns my monitor to him. He mutters the words of the email under his breath before finally finishing the long paragraph.  
  
"For being blind your spelling was great."  
  
"Team vocabulary!" Gavin shouts with a fist in the air. I roll my eyes and smile.  
  
"More like Team Dorks..." I hear a familiar voice speak up and gasp when I see Ray Narvaez Jr. standing in the doorway of the office with a big smile on his face.  
  
"Ray!" I shout, running to him. I tackle him into a hug and he stumbles slightly. He chuckles at me and I squeeze him tight.  
  
"Breathing is necessary, Four Eyes." He whispers slightly out of breath. I roll my eyes and back up.  
  
"What the hell you been up to?" I ask with excitement while the other men come over to greet the Puerto Rican. Ray smiles at the men but keeps his eyes on me.  
  
"Just been twitch streaming like usual." He says with a simple shrug. "Hey, Ember, can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?" He never used my real name unless it was important. I shrug and nod my head.  
  
"Sure." I follow him outside to the hall and down to the bathroom area where less people were around. "What's up?"  
  
"I know this is a big favor for me, but do you mind if I crash at your place for about a week?" I nod my head quickly.  
  
"Of course, dude! No questions asked." I assure him. He smiles and pulls me into another hug.  
  
"You're amazing. Thanks, Four Eyes." I laugh and pull back from the hug. "I promise I won't be long. Just until I find a place." I know I said no questions asked but now I'm damn curious as to why he needed a place.  
  
"Wait, you and Tina are moving out here again?" I ask with slight glee that I get to see Tina and him again and much more often. Ray rubs the back of his neck.  
  
"Uh, just me actually." He hung his head and I knew instantly what he meant by that. I frowned.  
  
"Ray, you can stay at my place for a damn year I don't care. You let me crash at your pad when I first started here." I remind him. "And you had already quit Rooster Teeth by then!" Ray chuckles and sighs.  
  
"Yeah." He says with a small smile. "You're still my best friend, you know that?" He asks. "I mean, sure we haven't really kept in contact, but Team Flame is still kicking it, right?" I laughed at our old name together and nodded.  
  
"Of course, Flint."  
  
"Hey, a flint can't light anything without it's steel." He says, punching my shoulder so lightly it was meant to be playfully. I nod my head and point to the office.  
  
"Want to hang out until after work? I leave in about-" I glance at my watch and gasp. "Shit!" It was one fifty eight and that email should have been sent out by two today. I ran to the office door and busted open before dashing to my computer and almost missing the computer chair. I let out a long relieved breath when I saw the email was already sent five minutes ago. I glance up and see Ryan wave at me with a small smile. I smile back and look at Ray who had followed me into the room in confusion. I continue the conversation I just tried to finish with him there.  
  
"So like I was saying, I am off in thirty minutes if you wanna chill here before I take you back to my house." Ray shrugs and nods.  
  
"Aight, cool." I smile and take a seat at my desk, making sure everything is in order before I leave here. My phone vibrates loudly on the desk and I pick it up to see a text from Ryan. I glance up to him but he wasn't looking at me. He was glued to his screen with lazy eyes.  
  
Ray is going to your house?  
  
I quickly type in my response and place the phone back on the desk. Ryan's is silent, but I can see the screen light up on his side. He takes a moment to type his reply to my message and places the phone down. Vibration.  
  
Maybe I should come over tonight  
  
Was he getting jealous? I shook my head and quickly responded.  
  
No, Ryan, it's fine. He needs a place to stay and that's what I'm giving him. You don't need to get jealous...  
  
Once the message is sent I look at the time. Fifteen more minutes. I had nothing to edit and nothing to send out so I decided to call it an early day. I closed all my drawers with a lock and set my new Xbox password and my new computer password. Can't trust anyone in this office now after Ryan's gamer-tag was changed last year.  
  
"Alright, let's go ahead and head out." I tell Ray. "I'll see you guys Monday." I tell the men with a smile and wave.  
  
"Alright." Geoff calls out. "Good seeing you Ray." Ray nods and stands, waving also.  
  
"You, too. I'll try to stop by more." We walk out the door and I feel my phone go off again.  
  
I'm not jealous, just worried.  
  
No, you're jealous. Worried would be if you don't trust Ray...  
  
I'm not jealous!  
  
I ignore the text this time and toss my phone into my shoulder bag. I look at Ray and smile. It was nice to have him back even in times like this.


	13. Old Roommates

It was Friday afternoon and I had the next two days off to help Ray move in for the time being he was here. We already situated him into the spare bedroom and his T.V. was connected to his system. His tower for his computer wasn't working, though, so he had to wait with his Twitch streaming.  
  
"Thanks again, Four Eyes." Ray says with a huff and putting a box of wires and controllers on the floor. I smile and nod my head.  
  
"Don't worry about it." I tell him, putting his box of clothes on the bed. "You're always welcome back here, ya know." He nods his head and I hear the doorbell ring. I walk down the hall and to the door, opening it and wiping the cobwebs from some of the boxes off my clothes. He must have been packed for so long if there were cobwebs... "Yeah?" I ask, finally looking up to the visitor. When I meet their eyes, I realize it's Ryan. "Ryan, I told you that you didn't have to come."  
  
"I'm not jealous." He declares before walking inside. I roll my eyes and shut the door after him.  
  
"Then why are you here?" I ask when I turn to him. He shrugs and looks around the house as if he was searching for something- or someone.  
  
"I just wanted to see you." I narrow my eyes and shake my head.  
  
"Oh no, we aren't doing this." I say, huffing. "You are not going to use seeing me as an excuse to check on me." I declare. He furrows his eyebrows, but not in confusion.  
  
"Well I'm sorry but I don't want you to be alone with Ray all weekend." He keeps his voice down knowing Ray was in the spare bedroom. I glare at him coldly.  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me, Ryan?" I ask, arms crossed. "Ray let me stay at his house with him until I got this one and he had already quit Rooster Teeth when he did. He's one of my best friends and he needs me right now. I'm not gonna let him down because you're jealous." Ryan watches me intensely. I arch an eyebrow at him. "We done here?"  
  
"No, we aren't." He claims. I sigh in annoyance. "Why doesn't he go stay with Tina?"  
  
"Because that's why he's here!" It takes him a minute for the words to all line up. His face drops and I nod. "Now don't you feel like an asshole..." I tell him.  
  
"Yeah, I do..." He trails. "You're right, he does need you and I'm sorry I was-"  
  
"Overreacting?" I fill in.  
  
"Being too caring." He corrects. I roll my eyes and pull his hand with mine, making our bodies close the space between us.  
  
"It's okay. I'm not mad." I whisper. He wraps an arm around my waist and I smile at the touch.  
  
"So you're forgiving me?" He asks. I nod my head and he leans forwards. "Good. Because I want to kiss you." I smirk and pull my face to his until I can feel the numb feeling his lips give mine. I smile when I pull back and he keeps me in an embrace.  
  
"Hey, Four Eyes-" Ray stops when he turns the corner and sees Ryan and I together. "Woah, you two a thing now?" I nod my head with blush rising to my cheeks. "Damn bout time, huh?" He asks, looking at Ryan. I look between them and Ryan laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
"Y-yeah." Was he wanting to be together even when Ray was around?  
  
"Dude, I told you she dug you." I rolled my eyes at Ray's comment and went over, slapping his shoulder lightly.  
  
"Alright, Jester, what did you need?" Ray thinks for a moment and then remembers what he was saying.  
  
"Oh yeah!" He turns to me. "Did you see my box of games? I hope I packed them..." He trails. I shake my head.  
  
"No, but I have mine. Plus, whatever you don't have I'm sure Tina would not mind shipping them to you." I tell him. He nods his head.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. I'll check in the car again on the in case." He goes to the front door and shuts it behind him as he goes to the car. I turn to Ryan and arch an eyebrow.  
  
"Even Ray knew?" I question. Ryan turns sheepish and looks to the ground for a second before nodding at me. I smile and point at him. "Awe, how cute! You try to act like you didn't like me in the beginning." I tease. He rolls his eyes and pulls me towards him.  
  
"Oh shut up." He says with red in his cheeks. "I like you now so that's all that matters." He says before leaning down to give me another kiss. I roll my eyes and accept it.  
  
"Can't I turn the corner and not see you making out?" Ray announces, entering the house again. I giggle and pull back from Ryan and follow Ray to his room as he carries the games he found.  
  
"You two can go to lunch and catch up if you want. I have to clean and organize some of the furniture for you." I tell Ray and Ryan as they both follow me to the doorway of the spare room. "I can make myself a sandwich or something."  
  
"Dude, I make a mean sandwich." Ray claims. "I can totally stay and make some for us if you would rather do that. Or if you're just trying to rid us from your house-"  
  
"No, no it's fine, Flint." I say with a small laugh. "Go ahead."  
  
"Thanks, Steel." He taps his hands on the door frame before making his way to the kitchen. Ryan shortly after follows him and I watch the two go while I place the boxes in order, clothes together, Games and wires together, and other items all in the corner in stacks. I step out of the room and head towards the living room to go to the kitchen. I stop outside the doorway to pick up some dropped items from the boxes when I hear the men speaking.  
  
"So how long has this been going on?" Ray asks before I heard the crunch of lettuce.  
  
"Almost a week now." Ryan responds. Ray makes a noise with his throat.  
  
"So it's still fresh?" Pause. "I mean, you liked her since we found her on YouTube, right?" Ryan chuckles a little at that.  
  
"Yeah... It was only two months after the divorce and I thought YouTube videos could cheer me up. Found Sparky playing Trials and she had such rage but it was just so..." He trails as he tries to think of words. "I knew then that I wanted to watch more videos." There's more chewing going on before Ray speaks. I play with the picture frame in my hand and see it's of Ray when he left Achievement Hunter. I was in the background, face turned away. I frowned. I have gotten much better with my camera shyness. It was a horrible illness to my brain but Geoff, Ryan and Gavin all pushed me through it.  
  
"Have you told her yet?" Ray's question brings me back.  
  
"No... I can't. Not yet anyways." Ryan responds lowly. I frown. What can't he tell me?  
  
"Well you knew her longer than anyone, so that's up to you on when you tell her." I furrowed my eyebrows with the frown still on my mouth. What? I decided then was a good time to enter the room. I still had the photo frame in my hands along with a fallen sock and a wire that was beginning to fray. I take a seat next to Ryan where a sandwich was waiting for me on a plate. It was bologna and mayo just like I always made for Ray. I chuckled and eyed him.  
  
"Mean sandwich?" I ask. "It's just meat mayo and bread."  
  
"But it's the perfect amount of all three. Just try it." He insists. I roll my eyes and bite into it. And god dammit, you know what? He was absolutely fucking right. It was all perfect amounts to send my taste buds to happiness. I nodded at him and pointed to the simple meal.  
  
"Mean sandwich."  
  
"Right?" Ray says, chuckling. I glance to Ryan and see him smile wide at me and take a bite of his sandwich. Whatever he was hiding he wasn't going to tell me with Ray around. Even if he knows.  
  
  
Ryan went home at around six in the afternoon after helping Ray and I put away belongings and watching a few of the new episodes of Orange is the New Black. Ryan kept trying to not get a boner on some of the hotter scenes. I couldn't help but snicker at him. Ray would laugh a bit too, actually getting caught up in the show unlike Ryan. He seemed focused on other particles. Or you know, no particles at all... Right now Ray and I were finishing up the new season. It was already nine and neither of us were ready to quit our binge watch. Ryan texted me a few minutes ago, asking if I was asleep. When I told him no, he didn't respond. He must have passed out. I glance at Ray and smile at him. His glasses reflected the scene on the television and I rolled my eyes. I know he called me Four Eyes because I actually really need these glasses, which Ryan bought before coming over apparently. I thank him for that. Ray didn't need glasses as bad as me so that's why I got the nickname Four Eyes and he didn't. Because it would literally take me four eyes to be able to read something without my glasses.  
  
"What a bitch." Ray mutters about Piper, making me chuckle.  
  
"Right?" I sit back a little. "I don't know, though, top chief Piper is a nice change."  
  
"She ain't taking any bullshit." He says, nodding to my statement. "Much like someone I know..." He trails, glancing at me. I smirk and kick my feet up on the coffee table with my hands tucked behind my head.  
  
"I ain't gonna take any bullshit from any of ya'll and you know it." I say with a cocky tone. He chuckles and shrugs.  
  
"Ryan seems to like teasing you and you seem to like him doing the same." He comments. I arch an eyebrow.  
  
"Ryan and I don't tease each other."  
  
"It doesn't have to be sexual teasing, girl, calm down." He says, seeing how defensive I got real quick. I frown and sit up. "I'm just saying, it's like you guys have been dating ever since you met." I cock my head to the side. I knew Ryan offered me the job with the company's permission, but what Ryan told Ray in the kitchen about finding me two months after the divorce, I was on edge. I was a big fan of Achievement Hunter and I knew all about the divorce and how Ryan felt after it, but I never let him think I did. That's why I was able to make him happy again apparently. Ray sips from his beer and I stare at my Fireball and Coke mixture on the table. As I do, I remember the night Ryan and I first fought and it was bad. Boy was it bad. I should have listened to him. Maybe if I did, we would have still been friends and then we wouldn't be caught up in a relationship based off of just broken hearts trying to mend themselves with each other.  
  
"Ryan never told me he knew about me after the divorce." I whisper. Ray glances over to me.  
  
"Huh?" He asks. He didn't hear me, thankfully. I changed what I said.  
  
"I said I knew about Ryan's divorce." I said, speaking up. It wasn't a lie, it just wasn't what I said the first time...  
  
"How?" Ray turns, interested. The show was running it's credits and waiting for us to play the next one.  
  
"I never told anyone but Ryan, and it was recent, but I was a fan before I got hired. I watched you guys since twenty thirteen. Ryan had his divorce in twenty fifteen. Two years I watched you guys before I was called up to get an interview. It was only supposed to be an internship, but I told them I was either all or nothing. Apparently Burnie and Geoff liked that I was straight forwards cause I got hired." I explain. "But before that, I was just starting out on YouTube when I found out about you guys. On one of my videos, they commented I should do a collaboration with you guys over at Rooster Teeth. I never thought I was good enough for you guys so I decided to leave it be."  
  
"Did you have a favorite?" Ray asks, leaning forwards. I chuckle and nod.  
  
"Of course. I loved all of you, but there's one that always stood out." I admit. "Ryan." I look at my feet and smile, biting my lip to try and keep myself from blushing. "When I found out about the divorce, I couldn't understand why someone would divorce such a wonderful man and how they couldn't just love him anymore." I tapped on my glass of alcohol, it being my third one. "I loved hearing his voice and the laugh everyone seemed to find annoying. It was like music, ya know?" Ray smirks and nods his head, pausing the theme song to the next episode to listen to me. "When I got hired on, I tried to hide my feelings for him to be professional. I kept them hidden for so long I forgot they were there. Then they hit me all at once and I wasn't sure if they were real anymore or if I was tricking myself."  
  
"Do you love him?" I shoot my eyes up to him at that question.  
  
"W-what?" I ask, breathless from the hit the words took on me.  
  
"I mean, you said yourself that you loved all of us, but Ryan stood out." I feel my face heating up. I rub the back of my neck and swirl the glass in my whiskey mix.  
  
"Well, yeah, I did, but that was different... He was married so I had to love him in a different way."  
  
"Well do you love him now?" Ray asks quietly. I stay silent. Did I? I mean, that would explain how these feelings finally got sick of me and pushed past myself. I hung my head and thought about the question for quite some time, but Ray was patiently waiting. I remember having this conversation with him about Tina. How he loved her but was too scared to admit it. I was Ray. I was scared. What if Ryan didn't feel the same? It's only been a week and I'm already saying I do... No, wait. It's been three and a half years. Not a week. I can love someone without them loving me back and that's the sad thing. I do love him. He's only known me for a year- apparently- and that doesn't mean anything compared to the three I was too scared to admit I had been drastically in love with him for. I sighed heavily.  
  
"I do." I whisper. "I do love him." Ray smiles at me and nods his head, turning back to the T.V. I was stunned. Was he just curious? He wasn't urging me to tell him. That's when it hit me... He knew Ryan wasn't going to say it back. He knew it was too early. I sighed a shaky breath and watched the last episode of the season while not truly focusing on the screen.


	14. Heartbreak Sucks

All Sunday had been quiet. Ray and I stayed in, watching Netflix, playing video games and talking about our relationships and how come him and Tina ended. Apparently it was a sad but needed agreement, Ray explained it as. He claimed they both needed to be separated because no matter how much they wanted things to work, it wouldn't. It kind of made me scared of my own relationship. Maybe we were also trying hard to make things work. Ryan said that him and Laurie tried and I tried with Jake, but both of us ended up single and broken. I took a deep breath and shook my head. I had to clear my mind before I got to work. Ryan and I didn't talk all day Sunday. I decided after my talk with Ray, I just couldn't bring myself to even think about him. My nerves were making me anxious and afraid to even see him. I pull up to the office and take a deep breath when I see Ryan's truck already there. I swallow hard. I had to face him. I was scared from my own judgement and I just had to face him. I had received many texts yesterday and a few missed calls from him, but I still never replied. He didn't come to the house though. He didn't try and ask Ray where I was. Maybe he thought I was too busy to call or text back... I hope so. I get out of the car and fumble with my keys to lock it before heading to the door. I close my eyes and shake my head.  
  
"He's your boyfriend..." I try to tell myself. I shiver. We haven't actually labeled it yet. Ryan wants to but I just can't. I walk into the office and I instantly see Ryan coming to me with an upset look on his face. I feel myself pale. Well shit. Ryan grabs my arm and pulls me back into the hallway.  
  
"Why haven't you been answering me?" He asks, mixed emotions clouding his voice. I sigh and run a hand up to my loose hairs, tucking them behind my ear.  
  
"I'm sorry, I was just busy all day yesterday and-"  
  
"What, too busy to check your phone before bed for at least a text saying you're okay or goodnight or something?" He was trying very hard to not raise his voice but his voice shook from the held in anger. I frown and shake my head.  
  
"No I suppose I could have..."  
  
"I was worried sick, Em..." He trails, his voice was rough but somehow also soft. He didn't want to be angry with me, I understood that, but I had every right to be yelled at. I could have talked to him. Ryan sighs. "Maybe we should talk about... this." He hangs his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. I look at him slowly.  
  
"You mean-"  
  
"Yeah..." He sounded hurt saying it, but I knew it was because of me. "I mean, you don't want to be labeled and you claim we're best friends and I don't know maybe I am trying too hard for this to work." I frown, breathing picking up quickly. "I just don't want to be hurt in the end if you don't feel the same." I take a deep and shaking breath, finally coming to the conclusion that this was his decision. Maybe we weren't ready. We weren't. It was obvious. I nodded my head and avoided his look.  
  
"Okay." I whisper. Ryan clears his throat.  
  
"Um, so... work. We have work to do." I sniffle slightly but he doesn't seem to hear. I follow him to the office and to each desk we were assigned. I was trying hard to hold in my tears. I put this on myself. Ryan got pushed away because I was being an idiot. The office door pushes open to reveal Geoff with Jack.  
  
"Alright, fuckers," He says before taking a deep breath and cupping his mouth with his hands, "Let's Play!" He bellows. I would usually laugh and roll my eyes, but I sat in silence. I knew that if I didn't do anything else I normally did they would point it out and call out the problem in front of everyone. I swallowed hard and pushed out the best chuckle I could to Geoff. Thankfully, it was good enough to believe. I glance at Ryan who was editing a video, but the focus was evident to be missing in his eyes. I bite at my bottom lip and push my glasses up, turning my attention to my keyboard. I was beginning to feel panicked.  
  
"Em?" I hear Jeremy whisper. I shoot my eyes to his and swallow hard.  
  
"Yeah?" I whisper smoothly.  
  
"Got your face cam ready?" I look around and realize I was the only one not setting up the face camera. I shake my head and begin to set up the device while he sets up his capture for the screen. I look at the screen of my own computer while the camera light goes green. I freeze. There it is. My face. The same fucking face I've been showing on camera for a week now. As I stared at the image of me just staring back at me, I couldn't breath. My throat tightened and I just stayed frozen. I tried to catch my breath but my airways were blocked. I felt trapped. I felt choked. What changed? What happened between now and the last time I was on camera? I was so confident on screen and now- I pause my thoughts. Ryan. I was with Ryan last time. I was happy to be on camera with him. I feel my body shudder. I couldn't do this. I watched my face and could see the glisten of a tear streaking my face. I was looking at the person who made Ryan get hurt again in such a fragile state that he only trusted me with. I was staring at a monster and she was staring right back at me with the same disgusted face I gave to her. I felt my head spin and tears began to flow faster and I shook fiercely. It was even visible in the camera. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I stood and rushed out of the room, hearing Geoff and Jeremy call out after me. Not Ryan. Why would he? It's not his job anymore to check on me. It wasn't anyone's. I took deep breaths before running into the women's restroom and locking the whole area behind me. I slide my back down against the door and hold my head in my hands. Why am I such a fucking idiot? I'm so full of myself and I'm just such a douche. There's a light tapping on the door and I shake my head. No one should be in here with me right now. I crawl across the partially dirty tile floor and sit against the stall wall farthest from the door.  
  
"Ember?" The voice was soft but I couldn't place whose it was. "Honey, let me in..." I still couldn't place the voice. It was too soft to hear fully.  
  
"No, please, just go and leave me for a minute?" I beg loudly. Tears were clouding my already shit vision and my throat was clogged by a lump.  
  
"Bitch you better open this door before I kick your ass." Griffon. I smiled small but it didn't last long. I sighed and went to the door slowly. I slowly opened the door and she sighed, leaning against the door. "I was coming to give Geoff his phone when you ran in here." She explains. "What's up?" I frown and she pushes herself inside, giving me the chance to lock the door behind her.  
  
"I pretty much forced Ryan into breaking up with me..." I trail. After a moment I realize she was waiting for me to explain. I took a deep breath before doing so. Throughout the whole time she was silent and never interrupted me, which I was happy about, but I began to panic and when I realized she wasn't panicking, I would calm down. I reached around my head and pulled my ponytail out before ruffling my fingers through the mess and sighing in appreciation. Griffon takes a deep breath and pulls me into a hug while I took deep breaths to calm myself more.  
  
"Honey, Ryan may be right... It's not a good time for you guys." She admits quietly. "Just give it time. Let you each heal. You obviously have been through troubles and it's just painful for both of you. Just relax and the time will come, okay?" I take a moment to accept her words and nod. "Now go back out there, face the punches, and hit back harder, alright?" I smile and nod my head. I turn to look at the mirror. My face was flushed and my hair surrounded my jawbone messily. I pull the strands back and begin to tie the polyester ring around it all.

Snap.

I groan and look at the now broken pony tail band. I turn to Griffon and she shrugs.  
  
"I don't have one on me, sorry." I turn back to the mirror and frown. There was no point in running my hands through it. Maybe if I just tucked it to one side... The hair was poofed up and frizzy, but I knew it was my only option. I swallowed my pain and what's left of the lump in my throat and turned to Griffon.  
  
"Thank you, Griff." She nods her head and walks towards the restroom door.  
  
"Honey, I've got your back. Don't worry." I smile and follow her out the door and into the office. She gave Geoff his cell phone while I sat at my desk and acted like nothing happened. Jeremy glanced wearily at me, cautious of how I felt. I blinked hard before looking over at him and resting a hand on his arm.  
  
"I'm fine, Lil J." I assure him. He smiles small and nods his head.  
  
"Okay." I turn back to my screen and wiggle the mouse to wake it up. When I do I see my reflection staring back at me through the face cam. This time I don't freeze. At least, not for long. I relax and tell myself exactly what Griffon told me. Face the punches and hit back harder. I smirked and brought up capture. I'm gonna own this bitch and my feelings are not going to get in the way.  
  
  
When I got home, I broke. Not only because I was holding it in, but because Ray and Ryan were in the living room, going through some papers and old photos. Ryan didn't even shoot me a glance. In my own home he just ignored me. I could easily tell him to get out but that would be my emotions talking. I waved hello to Ray and went straight to my room. For me being in my late twenties, I was sure acting like a teenager. Old habits die hard I guess. Jake and I were together the summer after high-school until the five years were up. It had been nearly seven years without him. I learned to cope when the time we were together was passed by the time we were apart. I put on my music through my stereo with the aux cord and sit on the edge of my bed as Bibi Bourelly played through the speakers singing Ego. I muttered the words as the emotions and anger over myself built up inside me. Once the chorus came around, I was belting the lyrics over the music, practically screaming.  
  
"You've got me fucked up!" I yell, hands in my fallen hair and my glasses slipping from my face. I didn't bother to fix them as I felt the music run through me. "You won't bring me down!" I shout with tears forming in my eyes. I fall to the floor and take deep breaths, punching at the carpet. I curled my fingers through the loose fabrics stringing from the floor. There was a light knock on my door, causing me to catch my breath. I prayed it was Ray. When I slowly opened the thick wood to reveal who I prayed for, I released my breath.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Why are you screaming the lyrics?" He cuts right to the chase. I frown and shake my head.  
  
"No reason." I answer maybe too quickly. I sigh when Ray clearly didn't believe me. "Ryan and I broke up. I guess. I mean, I don't know anymore." I explained the events of today from the very first moment of the day all the way up until now, telling him about how Ryan and I were an item but never actually titled. Ray sits on the end of the bed while I remove my music from the speakers. I take a seat beside him. Ryan must have gone home after hearing me. I wouldn't blame him. Ray places his arms around me in a tight hug of which I gladly accept.  
  
"Ember," he starts, "you have trust issues, I know that and you know that, but does he?" I'm quiet and shake my head. "Don't you ever think 'hey maybe I should let him know more about me' and that you need to trust him?" I don't speak. I just sit there in my own guilt while Ray talks. "Em, I love you, Buddy, but you are pissing me off." I furrow my eyebrows and look up at him. It wasn't normal for him to be mad and express it up front like that. "You act like you're the only victim ever going through anything bad. Ryan and Laurie were together for eight years and together longer than that. you and Jake were together since high school, yeah, but you gotta understand, you didn't have two kids, almost having one does hurt too, but I think it's harder for Ryan because he has two kids who he loves and cares for and made and he doesn't even get seeing rights. I think you're being pretty fucking selfish." I was speechless. What Ray said was right. I went through some tough shit to have trust issues but Ryan went through more and I just ignored them. I understand to not compare our problems, but at least acknowledging them would be polite. I sighed and hung my head in my hands.  
  
"I was just scared of getting hurt I didn't see I was hurting him. I don't like hurting him." I whisper. "I love him." The words just slipped, but it wasn't unmeant. We were only dating for a week, but I knew him for so much longer. I love him. I do. I sure as hell didn't show it, though.  
  
"Well what would you say to him if he was here right now?" Ray asks. "Pretend I'm Ryan." I nod my head, preparing a thought. When I finally got it I turned to Ray.  
  
"Ryan, I'm sorry for not even thinking of you being through so much shit. I am inconsiderate and I really should have told you how I felt. I want to be with you and I want you to feel safe like I do with you. You're my best friend but you're also so much more than that." I refrain from saying I love him because that might scare him away. A week isn't long at all. He probably only counts love for as long as you've been dating...  
  
"Good. Now keep that in mind because you will need to tell him tomorrow." I frown and shake my head.  
  
"I don't know if I can face him, Ray..."  
  
"Remember how you faced him after what you said about Laurie at the party?" I furrow my eyebrows.  
  
"How did you-" I groaned and smacked my forehead. "Lindsay." Ray chuckles.  
  
"Yep." I sigh and nod my head.  
  
"Alright, I can try I guess." Ray nods his head and presses his lips to my hair before rubbing my back.  
  
"That's my girl." I roll my eyes and push him off me.  
  
"I swear you're probably why I never got a boyfriend. The men probably thought you were my lover." Ray laughs and winks at me with two pointed fingers at me.  
  
"Cuz I'm the best you'll never have." I giggle and fling myself backwards onto my bed. I need to think of how I'm going to approach this mess tomorrow...


	15. Stream Team

Today I was going to apologize. I took a deep breath and went through the office main door and straight to the Achievement Hunter office. I ignored all the "hello" greetings from the men to just cut straight to the point. I grab Ryan by the arm and drag him out to the hallway with my heart pounding. Ryan hesitated but followed anyways. Once we were there, I spoke before he could.  
  
"Ryan, I'm a big selfish idiot and I don't deserve to be forgive." I start out. I practically rehearsed this all morning. "I'm sorry for not even thinking of you being through so much shit. I am inconsiderate and I really should have told you how I felt. I want to be with you and I want you to feel safe like I do with you. You're my best friend but you're also so much more than that. I want us to be so much more at least. I know that you're still upset and that it's hard to forgive me for being so... stupid, but I'm willing to try if you still want to." When I finish speaking, Ryan stared at me as if trying to tell if I was lying or not. Tears had gathered in my eyes halfway through and I'm sure those gave him the answer. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.  
  
"You need to stop calling yourself and idiot." He mutters. "You need to just realize your wrong and admit it. You putting yourself down is part of the problem, Em. And if we do go official, are you even sure you can handle it?" He got me there. "Look, I know you have trust issues. I mean who wouldn't? I sure as hell do and I'm scared of myself fucking anything good up which from the way you talk about yourself you feel the same. So why don't we both just start over and pretend that when we were together it was just friend wise. I understand that we kissed a few times but we gotta move past those to get through this." I thought about his world for a moment and nodded.  
  
"You're right. We both need to work on this, not just you." I say softly. Ryan gives a half hearted smiles and pulls me to his chest gently. His lips touch the top of my head and I smile at the feeling. I almost let the words slip at that moment. I almost ruined everything again. I almost told him I love him.  
  
  
Ryan announced to the room that we were seeing each other again but it's a restart. The men were weary, but Gavin seemed excited nonetheless.  
  
"I always thought you two made a cool ship name." He smiles and chuckles to himself. "Rember Collinwood." I honestly only liked the last name. They just took my first name and added and R to it. I furrowed my eyebrows in concentration on the game. My little character on Michael's screen was trying to zoom through the annoying level everyone was dying at on Cloudberry.  
  
"I honestly like Emyan." I say with a shrug. "It sounds close to Simion so it actually sounds like a dumb brit. Emyan Collinwood."  
  
"Aw, what?" Gavin frowns beside me. "Why brit?"  
  
"Because America isn't smart enough for a long name that sounds fake."  
  
"Michael is spelled weird." Gavin retorts, snorting at his joke. Michael wasn't even here today and I'm sure he will kick Gavin in the ass.  
  
"But like your name, it's stupid." Jack says, chorus oh "burns" and "oohs" echoing in the room. "No but really, Em is right it sounds to fancy for Americans."  
  
"I've seen some pretty outrageous names..." Ryan hints at all the stereotypical black names. I liked the outrageous names honestly. It made people unique.  
  
"Well when I have kids, I'm gonna name then August or Ryan Jr." Everyone laughs at this and I smirk at Ryan through the cracks of the monitor. He was eyeing me already and I bit my lip slowly just to make it seem sensual. Ryan rolls his eyes but not before a pink shade covers his cheeks. He was getting flustered because of me. Before our relationship Ryan and I would flirt playfully. We wouldn't exactly call each other out on it but it still happened.  
  
"So you want kids with Rye-Rye?" Jack asks with a chuckle. We all were dying repeatedly which made Gavin groan in frustration.  
  
"I mean, if it comes down to it. We just started dating so I mean..." I trailed to leave the others to hint.  
  
"A lot of people have a relationship because of a baby." Gavin points out. I look over at him once I die and shake my head.  
  
"That is the stupidest excuse, Gav." He furrows his eyebrows and before he can speak, he's close to finishing the level. We all make excited cheers and relieved ones after when his character makes it all the way to the door. After thanking him, Gavin continues our conversation.   
  
"I think it's kind of cool honestly. Like the guy when he finds out his girl had a one night stand he suddenly wants to be a father and after working with each other they find out they really want to do this." I laugh loudly and shake my head.  
  
"Oh my god did you read a Gavin and Meg fan fiction?" He shakes his head.  
  
"What? No. Is there one like that?" He asks, bewildered. I shrug and laugh again.  
  
"Not from what I have read."  
  
"You read them?" He questions with a high tone. "Of me?" I feel my cheeks warming up along with the rest of my face.  
  
"Dude I read them about everyone..." I admit quietly.  
  
"Even me?" Jack asks, excitement evident in his tone. I laugh and nod.  
  
"Even you."  
  
"What was mine about?"  
  
"Well this girl was a big fan of RoosterTeeth, you know, the usual, and when she gets a job here she hides the fact that she is a big fan so that she can get to know you all in a non-creepy sounding way. Anyways, after a while, you and Caiti weren't together and she had to help you through it. I was in the story and apparently I was dating Gavin, not Ryan. So we went on a double date and you and her hit it off and the rest of the story hasn't been made yet." Jack makes an approving noise.  
  
"That sounds better than most of the stories I hear about." He admits. I laugh a bit.  
  
"Yeah the ones where they are like 'hey' and you're like 'date me?' And then you two have sex." The men erupt into laughter with me. "Nah, but I really encourage everyone to write whatever they want. It is what makes them happy after all."  
  
"So what about me?" Ryan asks, us moving on to the next level with cheers shortly after.  
  
"Well with you there was one that I recently saw getting a lot of love. It was about this girl who worked you for three years already and once I came in she started getting heavier feelings than what she already had for you and like, she worded everything so perfectly in how our relationship got started that I'm pretty sure someone in the office wrote it. Now I'm like uh... who likes Ryan?" The men laugh slightly as I continue. "But after a while you broke up with me for her and she would flaunt you around to me so much that I ended up quitting and you guys moved her into here."  
  
"That's quite extreme." Gavin says, chuckling in his words. I nod and laughed a bit.  
  
"I uh..." I paused to laugh again. "I commented on it."  
  
"Oh god." Ryan instantly says.  
  
"I said 'I really loved the part where Ember quit.'" Jack and Gavin laughed heavily while Ryan only looked at me from between computers. "The best part is she commented 'yeah me too.' And then looked at my profile. I'm pretty sure she cried as she typed again 'oh shit.'" I laugh with the rest of them and Ryan as I am on the last part of the level. "Oh, oh, oh!" I shout as I get close. I hold my breath and finally jump on the last cloud of the Let's Play. I scream a cheer and throw my hands up in the air as my character went through the door. Let me tell you something kids, at school if you still have chairs that are not attached to the desk, do not lean back and throw your hands up. You will go tumbling to the floor. Just like me. The wind gets knocked out of me and I can see Jack and Ryan peeking over the tops of the monitors. My face is bright red I'm sure and I just start laughing with tears in my eyes. I do that when I'm embarrassed as hell. Ryan comes from his desk and extends his hand to pull me up. Thankfully, no one was here to record it and I was in the clear. Gavin laughs into his microphone.  
  
"Let's stop." The end of the day had come because if how long that damn episode took. Ryan and I walked out together. We were discussing something about editing when he spun on his heels and stopped me from walking by placing his hands on my shoulders.  
  
"I'm glad we're doing this." He says with a small smile. I return it and nod.  
  
"I'm glad too." I reply with a low voice. "I was hoping today went well actually." God it sounded like work was a date.  
  
"It did and since it's Friday, I would like to stream with you tonight. That sound fine?" I shrug and nod with a wide smile.  
  
"I really heave always wanted to see you stream."  
  
"Oh, dear, you aren't watching me stream, you're doing it with me." I swallow hard and blink longer than usual but then smile.  
  
"Okay." I finally reply.  
  
  
Ryan took me to my house to get the Xbox One and everything I had for tonight. He set up a poll- after I told him how to do it- on Twitter asking which of the games he should stream. He wanted me to be a surprise apparently. The choices were Minecraft, Mario, or Call of Duty Ghosts.  
  
"Well, the fans voted." Ryan says, looking at his phone while I set everything up. "Looks like Mario won." I smirk and glance at him before pushing up my glasses.  
  
"Oh be prepared to lose."  
  
"Mario is a team effort!" I shake my head.  
  
"Luigi doesn't need Mario, sweetie." Ryan laughs that adorable laugh I love and waves to the camera, showing he started the video.  
  
"Hey, guys. Already two hundred of you. Wow." I smile at his goofy grin to the camera and he takes a deep breath. "Once everyone realizes they are missing the stream I'm going to make an announcement." I knew he was going to announce me. I turned on the Xbox and my T.V. screen was set a little too loud and made the opening sound like a movie theater. I scrambled to turn it down but Ryan chose to ignore it to not ruin the surprise. As he talked, the number of the guests watching increased. He'd thank people for subscribing and then talk to others but really he was waiting on my slow ass to get Mario up. When I finally did, he smiled.  
  
"Okay, so the announcement is that I have a special guest with me tonight." He flicks on the camera to me and I wave.  
  
"Aye!" I shout with my hands up. I instantly remember what happened at the office and immediately remove them from the air. The chat goes crazy with different opinions on me and I smile at the good ones. A lot of questions were about us and our relationship. Ryan seemed to want to keep it low until I was ready, but when I openingly expressed we were dating he talked more about it.  
  
"We have been dating for a week and a half now." He tells them, ignoring out the break up we had for a day. He ignored the chat for a while to play Mario and when I left him behind to save myself he yelled. "It's teamwork!"  
  
"I told you Luigi doesn't need Mario!" I remind him. The chat was still going crazy and Ryan chuckles.  
  
"Yeah, SkullsandKisses, it is uncool." I smirk and lean over, kissing him on the cheek.  
  
"Sorry, Sweetie." I say with a wide grin. He rolls his eyes and nods.  
  
"Yeah yeah I'm sure you are." He says with a playful tone. I nod and smile sweetly.  
  
"You love me." I say with a shrug and a small giggle.  
  
"You're lucky I do." He mutters with a small smile. My heart skips. Maybe he meant it as friends. Ryan chuckled at something in the chat and I glanced over. I almost finished reading it when the chat moves it away.  
  
"What did it say?" I ask. He looks at me and shakes his head.  
  
"Nothing bad don't worry." We start another level to Mario and this time I actually help Ryan and sacrifice myself. Ryan leans over and kisses me on the cheek that time. "That's for the sacrifice." He kisses my cheek again and I furrow my eyebrows.  
  
"And that?"  
  
"For being cute." He says with a shrug. I feel my face heating up and the chat goes mental. Ryan was trying to scroll past the hate bit I saw it. I've been getting hate ever since I worked with him. I'm used to it. He still decided to not let it try to ruin our night. Some of the fans were rooting about our relationship and others were saying I sucked or something stupid like that. You can't make everyone happy. After about another hour of playing, I glance at the time. It was nearly eleven.  
  
"Shit, I don't want you to drive me home late. We should probably go." I tell him. He looks at the time and turns to me.  
  
"I mean you could stay over." He suggests. I frown and shake my head.  
  
"I don't want to intrude. It's okay. I can watch the stream at home." I recommend. He shrugs and nods.  
  
"Okay." He turns to the camera. "Hey guys I'm gonna drive her home and then we will stream when I get back." Most of the chat said goodnight to hint they were going to bed. Some were saying goodbye to Ryan and then some to me. I waved them goodbye and stood with Ryan. I unplugged everything and carried them under my arms carefully. Ryan follows me out the door grabbing his keys on the way. I slide into the truck and rest my equipment on my lap while Ryan starts the truck and drives back out of the driveway. The whole ride home was quiet until Ryan spoke up about the stream.  
  
"So that was nice." He tells me with a small smile. I nod in agreement.  
  
"It was. Very nice." Then silence. Something was bothering me though... I finally spoke up about it. "Ryan, I uh..." I clear my throat to try and catch my words. Maybe I shouldn't. "I really really like you." I whisper nearly.  
  
"I really really like you too." He says just as softly. I smile and shake my head.  
  
"I don't think you know what I mean."  
  
"No, I do." He tells me before I can speak up again. "I also understand that you're not quite ready to say what we both want to say." I feel my body warm up as the truck pulls into my drive.  
  
"Thank you." I tell him while sliding out of the truck. I pull everything out with me and nearly drop my controller. I then drop the television in an attempt to catch the controller. I gasp and look to Ryan quickly.  
  
"If it's broken I can pitch in for a new one." He offers. I lean down and pull the smaller item off the ground and see the screen is shattered and glass pieces were stabbing into the actual screen part. I swallow hard and pick it up to turn it away from Ryan.  
  
"It's okay for now. I'll wait until I turn it on." He nods and I shut the door, waving to him. I didn't want Ryan to buy me a new T.V. I can buy one for myself. I wasn't going to be the girlfriend that the boyfriend gets everything for. I sit inside and look at my broken screen. It was not salvageable. At all. I opened my computer as I laid on the bed and went to Ryan's stream. He tweeted he was back so I decided to watch. Once I came online and said hello, a little sword appeared beside my name and it said Ryan had put me as a moderator. I smiled and I saw him smile at the screen.  
  
"Hey, Ember." He whispers. Everyone in the chat suddenly were chatting with me and everyone was so fast it was hard to keep up. They asked about Ryan and me, just me, my job, and what Let's Plays are to be seen. One mentioned Let's Play Live and RTX. I never went to one but I imagine I will soon. Ryan laughed a bit and smiled at the camera. "I see Ember is having a good time." I laugh and nod, typing to him.  
  
"James, they wanted to know about us. And Let's Play Live and RTX." Ryan pauses to read my chat and nods.  
  
"Yeah, Ember we were waiting to tell you but you're coming to RTX this month." I gasp and squeal in excitement. The chat went mental and got more excited than me.  
  
"I get to meet you guys!" I shout into the chat. People were happy and other people were still trying to get Ryan to say hello to them. He tried his best but the chat was excited. I grab my phone from beside me and text Ryan.  
  
Chat sure is liking you.  
  
I smile when I hear his phone go off. He checks it and laughs.  
  
"Yeah, Em, they sure are." I laugh slightly and look at the time. It's already twelve. Ryan looks at his phone again after I send him another text.  
  
Let's go for brekky in the morning?  
  
I ask, quoting Gavin. He chuckles and looks at the time.  
  
"We'll I gotta go to bed. We're gonna go get breakfast in morning and it's already twelve." The chat began saying goodnight and have fun. He winks at the camera, knowing he was too tired for Story Time. I wink back also. I smile and close the laptop before snuggling into bed.


	16. Late Night Editing

The weekend was nice. Ryan and I spent most of it together. We edited videos, went out for breakfast, ran into some awesome fans, and I got to see jealous Ryan. In fact, on Monday morning it is still being seen. Mainly because I've been pushing it. I peak at Ryan from around the monitors. I smirk when he isn't paying attention to me. We were all currently playing Minecraft, but it was a bit boring. All we were doing is cleaning up Achievement City and expanding our houses. Michael and Gavin were gone today doing immersion so it was just Jeremy, Jack, Geoff, Ryan, and me.  
  
"So I have a funny Ryan story." I speak up. Ryan groans and leans his head back to look at me. I smirk and he playfully rolls his eyes. "Yesterday morning we went out for breakfast along with Saturday and we ran into some fans. I was all giddy because they were complimenting or relationship and shit when this male fan comes up. He almost completely ignored Ryan and talked majorly to me. When he asked for a hug and a picture, Ryan about lost it." I started to laugh slightly when I heard the others doing so, too. "So once the guy left, Lumberjack over here thought he had to claim me and instantly began to hold my hand and glare at every man there was."  
  
"I did not!" Ryan whines causing the men to laugh. "I just so happened to be looking at them and holding your hand..." I laugh at that.  
  
"Yep, totally."  
  
"So is that why you burned Caleb with a stare?" Jack questioned. Ryan blushed deep when I gave him a look.  
  
"You glared at Caleb?" I warn him with my question. He now his head slowly.  
  
"Hypothetically-"  
  
"Did you glare at Caleb?" I ask again. He sighs.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ryan!"  
  
"What? The fans ship you guys a lot!" Ryan whines again. "I had to warn him." Everyone laughed including Ryan.  
  
"They do ship us a lot." I admit. "I don't know... I guess-"  
  
"No." Ryan says flat out, knowing I'm only urging him on. I cackle and turn around my character to see Jeremy building a pair of glasses and a cane on Jack's statue. I start laughing heavily and glance at Jeremy as he begins to bust up also.  
  
"God dammit, Jeremy, did you give me a hat again?" Jack asks add he flies to his house. Jeremy shrugs.  
  
"No." He wasn't lying. Jack makes it to his house just after Geoff and Ryan. He immediately sees the cane and glasses.  
  
"Jeremy!" He scolds through laughter.  
  
"It's you in five years, Jack!" I say, clutching my glasses to keep them up.  
  
"That's you now!" He retorts. I laugh harder and nod along with the other men. After a moment of laughing it goes back to silence and trying to clean up Achievement City.  
  
"So, Em." Geoff speaks up, making me nervous. "We were all thinking about it and we want you to redo your house. First it was the simple little house by mine and then it was behind Ryan's. We want you to take advantage of this creative time and fucking fix your shit house." I smile and shrug.  
  
"Alright." I dismember by house immediately and get my building materials. I've been wanting to fix my house ever since the first time I moved it. I made a five by five lot and placed the walls. It was now literally a one room house. I put fences to make a backyard and a pond. When I was sure no one was near I dug down the center of the pond and placed a sign under the water to stop it from flowing. I spend some time making an underground house with different escape routes on both ends of my housing. I make sure that when the door opens, unless you go inside and shut it, it looks like an empty room. Behind the opened door is another pathway to another set of rooms. I smirk when I'm satisfied and just begin to decorate the house.  
  
"Alright, Achievement City looks uh... Looks pretty fuckin' clean." Geoff says with a satisfied tone. "Did you expand your house?" He flies over to my living quarters.  "What the hell?" His character lands beside my house and looks at it. "You made it smaller!" I shrug nonchalantly.  
  
"I like it being small." After complaints from all the men except Jeremy, I sit back. We cut off our cams and audio before saving each piece and going straight into my editing. I glance at the time, knowing I had a deadline to meet with Geoff. I needed to put out a video I edited by three it was twelve. Editing shouldn't take three hours.  
  
  
Wrong. Editing can take well over three god damn hours. It takes longer. Because of all the frames and content in the video it lagged my computer too much to edit and upload. I glanced at the clock. It was thirty minutes passed three and the video should have been up by now. I groaned and slammed my face on the desk.  
  
"You alright, Em?" Jack asks, returning to the room with his phone pressed to his ear. I was curious as to why he was conversing with me if he was on the phone. The I figured he was on hold.  
  
"I have to upload this video and edit another one for the morning and then I might have to stay late to edit another one for the Achievement Hunter channel, and then another for RoosterTeeth-"  
  
"So you're swamped?"  
  
"Yep." I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Pretty fuckin' swamped."  
  
"Does Geoff know that you have so much shit to do?"  
  
"He's the one that gave me this much shit to do." Jack sits down at his desk and is about to say something when he is connected on the phone again.  
  
"Hi, my name is Jack Pattillo and I would like to ask a question about some plane tickets my friend has." I ignore the conversation when I see the video completed itself and I instantly click off to go to my editing. I try my hardest to edit as fast as possible and still make it look good. I knew it looked slightly sloppy and Trevor, Caleb, or Lindsay will have to look through them before they go up, but I needed to go home to get ready for this next week. RTX was in two days and it lasts for three. I was stressing out abut not being able to edit all the way but I know Geoff stacked all this on me to make sure I got it done in time. Jack stood from his desk again an hour and a half later.  
  
"Are you going to be here all night then?" Jack asks, hand on the doorknob. I sigh and shrug.  
  
"I guess I will be." I was only halfway through the first of the three videos and it was the shortest. Great. He waved me off and I did the same in return. The lights automatically dimmed after six so I was working in darkness with only my screens lighting my work space. I rubbed my eyes as they began to feel strained. I grabbed my phone and went through it, making sure I hadn't missed any messages. I decided to text Ray and let him know I'll be home late.  
  
Be home late tonight. Don't stress.  
  
I place down the phone and look back to the screen. I was beginning to get frustrated with the whole ordeal and looked at the clock. Seven thirty. I groaned and looked at the other project I had open. It was the Rooster Teeth video. I was now a quarter of the way through the second video when my phone went off. I open the message that came in from Ray.  
  
Ryan stopped by. Said he wanted to talk to you about something.  
  
I sighed heavily and called up Ryan.  
  
"Hello?" Ryan's voice asked.  
  
"Sorry I wasn't home. Still at the office editing. What's up?" I say quickly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ray said you have something to talk to me about?" I remind him. He's quiet for a moment.  
  
"I think I would rather talk about it in person." I frowned. Was it something bad?  
  
"Oh. Uh, okay. Tomorrow morning? I can come pick you up-"  
  
"No, no, it can wait until you aren't busy." He insists. I sigh and nod. "I promise it can wait, Em." He must have sensed how I felt and I released a heavy breath again.  
  
"Okay. Whenever you're ready then." I hang up the phone and turn back to the screen. I don't know how long I was working, but my eyes began to droop. I fought it the best I could and pushed through to finish this damn video. I had one more. I can do it... And there is the black.  
  
  
When I woke up, I was on a couch. What? Did I make it home last night? I peer around and see no one around. I was in the office still. My computer was off and I was laying on the black couch. Shit. I fell asleep here? I instantly grab for my phone to see it plugged into my charger beside me. Someone put me here. I didn't plug in my phone I know that much. I unlock the screen and see messages from Ray.  
  
Hey I see you left for work early.  
  
Did you even come home last night?  
  
Em, you better not have been kidnapped.  
  
I'm gonna call Ryan.  
  
I quickly typed back, seeing as to the messages were from six this morning and it's already eleven. God this must look really unprofessional...  
  
I just woke up on the fucking couch at the office. Oops... I'm safe, bro. No worries.  
  
I put the phone back on the floor and sit up slowly. My neck was killing me and my glasses were crooked. The door to the office opens and Ryan comes in with a tray of two coffees and a box of donuts from Krispee Kreme in his hands. He glances up and smiles.  
  
"Oh good. You're up." I arch an eyebrow and rub at my sore muscles. "I brought donuts and coffee for you." He places the items on the coffee table in front of me and sits beside me. I yawned heavily as I eyed the food. I was a bit embarrassed to have woken up where I did.  
  
"So Ray called you?" I ask, referring to my messages. He nods.  
  
"He called me at like seven this morning. I was getting ready for work when he called. He was rambling on about how you didn't come home last night and you weren't answering his messages. So I told him I'd check the office first. Sure enough you were passed out on your desk with your computer sleeping and videos open." He explains. "I moved you to the couch and plugged in your phone since it was near dead. I also finished your videos for you so you could sleep in and not get shit for it." Out of all of that, the best part was him finishing my videos.  
  
"What about the others?" I ask, biting into a donut. "It's nearly eleven-thirty."  
  
"I told them to come in around twelve. We are having a slow day anyways."  
  
"Did you tell them I fell asleep here?" I ask, hopeful that was still a secret. He chuckles and shakes his head.  
  
"No, don't worry." He smiles wide at me. "I don't think I should embarrass you just yet." I roll my eyes and learn over, kissing him on the cheek. When I pull back I see I accidentally left glaze on his cheek from the donut. I giggle and wipe it off quickly while my memory jogs.  
  
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask nervously before drinking from my coffee. He rubs the back of his neck and keeps his hand there, propped on his leg.  
  
"I uh, I wanted to see if you might want to do something with me after RTX." I arch an eyebrow.  
  
"Like what?" He shrugs and leans back on the couch, avoiding my eyes.  
  
"I don't know- maybe go to the beach?" He looks at me when I stay quiet.  
  
"Ryan, Corpus Christi does not count as a beach. It is rocks and water." I tell him. He nods his head and sits up, unable to get comfortable during this conversation.  
  
"I know, I know... I mean an actual beach."  
  
"Like California?" I ask, kind of saddened. California had beaches but they were so damn crowded.  
  
"I was thinking Virginia." I furrow my eyebrows.  
  
"Why go to the beach?" I pause when I sound like I don't want to go. "I mean Virginia beach sounds amazing, don't get me wrong, but why all of a sudden get up and go?" He finally turns to face me and grabs my hands.  
  
"Because I wanted to do something special for your birthday." He replies softly. "I know it's during RTX so I thought maybe after?" I bite my lip with excitement and practically dive onto him, smiling as I kiss his face all over.  
  
"Thank you!" I repeat after every peck. He laughs and I expected him to push me off, but he didn't. I pull back and smile wide. "So when do we go?"  
  
"Well RTX is tomorrow and then we have three days of that mess. Then we have two days to get packed and still do our jobs." I smile wide and watch Ryan for a moment before I reach over and grab another donut. I was going to the beach with Ryan...


	17. RTX

RTX. Oh my god. I'm at RTX. I was dressed in a cosplay as the little girl from Bioshock and I seemed to be the only one not dressed as someone in a Rooster Teeth related costume.  
  
"I feel dumb." I whisper to Meg. She was dressed as Elizabeth also from Bioshock, but Meg was always cosplaying.  
  
"Why?" She asks. "I'm dressed as a Bioshock character!"  
  
"Yeah but we are the only ones out of RoosterTeeth's type of Cosplay." I look at the corset tight around her waist. "Doesn't that hurt?" Meg shakes her head.  
  
"Trust me, not as tight as it looks." She looks around the convention with me. "Besides, Em, we are in this together. I don't think anything else should matter." I smile and nod my head. She was right. I should enjoy myself. It's my first RTX after all. I knew I was supposed to be in the panel with the guys before I go anywhere else, but I still had five minutes. Meg and I wanted to explore... Of course, I couldn't. One of the guardians spotted us and practically had to drag me to my panel. This is the day hundreds of people see my face in person. On camera is scary, but it is the same in person when its the same people who never met you and they see your face and it's just- petrifying. When I go into the panel, I see Ryan and Gavin are missing. Where did my best friend and boyfriend go for them not to be dragged back to the panel like me? I went to the backstage and walked up to Geoff, Jack, Jeremy and Michael.  
  
"Where'd Gavin and Ryan go?" I question. Everyone but Geoff shrugs.  
  
"I think they went to the bathroom." He informs me. I nod my head and peak out from the curtain to the crowd. There were a lot of people... I see Lindsay go on the stage and grab a microphone.  
  
"Sup everybody?" She shouts. The fans look to her and begin to yell and scream gladly at her. She smiles wide and nods her head. As she talks to the crowd, cracking jokes and such, she looks to the curtain we were behind. Ryan and Gavin still weren't back. She introduces us nonetheless. We all slowly pile out on stage with big smiles while I was shaking like crazy. I was planning on clinging to Ryan for dear life, but with him gone I'm screwed. We all take our seats, me between Michael and Jeremy.  
  
"Hey everybody!" Geoff shouts into the mic. I smile at the crowd when they all cheer. I am visibly shaking now and I feel Jeremy nudge me. I spin my head to look at him.  
  
"It's alright, relax." I nod and smile at him in thanks, trying to control my breathing. I look up when I feel a hand on my shoulder to see Gavin smiling at me dressed in a Booker get-up from head to toe. I gasp and smile at him. He was cosplaying with Meg? That's fucking adorable. I feel stupid dressing up as a character that's so very little known. Ryan still wasn't back so I was beginning to wonder if he was feeling okay. He said he was feeling sick before the convention even started... Maybe it was nerves like mine. We started off with questions and everyone began to line up. One person at a time asked many different questions. One was directed at me for the first time.  
  
"Hey, Ember, I was wanting to say hello and that I adore you." I smile and thank them in the microphone. "So when will there be a Queen Ember Let's Play?" The question intrigued me. I looked at the others, mainly Geoff. He smiled back at me and shrugged, leaning into the microphone.  
  
"Ember hasn't made an idea list up, but I'm sure she will enjoy the fuck out of us being her slaves."  
  
"Oh yes I will." I say, earning laughs from the audience. I smirk and wink at Geoff, making him roll his eyes. A few more questions passed on before I noticed a certain cosplay. I almost lost it as I covered my mouth and pointed at the character. Jeremy and Michael laugh at me and look to the character.  
  
"So Ember here sure is getting excited to see a Big Daddy." Jeremy says with a laugh.  
  
"Just like in the game." Michael says afterwards. I roll my eyes and elbow both of them lightly. I bite my lip to stop my excitement from bursting.  
  
"So what's your question?" Jack says with a smile on his face. The character leans over.  
  
"I was wondering if Ember would like to go on a date with me." The costume maker even put in a voice module to change it to sound like a Big Daddy. I laugh lightly and shake my head.  
  
"Boy, wooing me over with a Big Daddy costume won't get me out of a good relationship. Sorry." The character shrugs and removes his helmet, leaving me gaping.  
  
"Well I tried." Ryan says with a dirt smudged face. I stand in my seat and run down, grabbing his arm when he tries to turn away.  
  
"You amazing asshole." I say, pulling him to the stage. The fans laugh and cheer while I heard one shout "goals" at the top of their lungs. I can't help but smile wide and feel blush in my cheeks. I put Ryan in his chair and smile wide. "I hate you for embarrassing me into denying someone I thought was a stranger and I love you for doing it." I try to catch my words when I say 'love' but Ryan doesn't seem phased by it.  
  
"Well you were all sad about not going with anyone so Gavin and I dressed up. Meg had to pay Gavin though." He says. I spin and look at Gavin in a disappointed way. The crowd laughs and oohs and Gavin's mistake.  
  
"Wha- I did not have to get paid!" He tries to defend. I go to my seat between Michael and Jeremy and roll my eyes.  
  
"I'm actually pretty positive you were paid." I say with a smirk. The crowd laughs once more with the men.  
  
"Alright, what if I was?" Gavin asks, trying to sound tough. "What are you going to do about it?" I grab my prop needle and smile at Gavin evily.  
  
"You know, this may be fake, but it's still gonna hurt if I stab you with it." I fake threaten. Gavin pales for a second and then laughs with everyone else.  
  
  
  
The rest of the day went well. After the Achievement Hunter panels and some photos, Ryan and I were walking around, enjoying the rest of the convention.  
  
"So was this a nice surprise?" He questions, gesturing to the suit he was probably boiling in. I nod but frown at him.  
  
"You can take it off, you know."  
  
"Why would I?"  
  
"Because it's hot as dicks." I say, laughing slightly. Geoff was wearing off on me.  
  
"I don't mind it. You were excited about it so I think I should stay in it." I feel my face heating up and shrug.  
  
"Alright but I'm gonna make sure I get you out of it before I take you home." Ryan smirks and I instantly correct myself. "Ryan, you know that's not what I meant." I say, laughing. He chuckles and puts his hands up.  
  
"I didn't say anything." I was about to tell him something when a few fans run up to us.  
  
"Hey!" One greets happily. I know not to let them feel rude or annoying so I turn to them and smile.  
  
"Hi, babes." I return. She looks at her friends, a boy and girl. "What's up?"  
  
"We were wondering if we could get a few pictures?" The other girl says. I nod my head as Ryan places on his Big Daddy head. We pose a couple times before the male comes up smiling at me. I knew exactly what was going to happen. Jealous Ryan was going to come out again. After a few poses with him and me only, Ryan practically forced a photo with him to make sure he didn't think it was okay to just get some with me. When they walked out, I started laughing at Ryan.  
  
"Someone got jealous." I tease. He rolls his eyes and grabs my hand tightly, the helmet once again under his arm.  
  
"I want them to know they better back off." He pretty much growled it into my ear and it sent a shiver down my spine. It was quite hot, honestly. I was hoping he didn't sense it but he definitely did. "Was that voice too much?" He asked, smirking. I swallowed hard.  
  
"Nope. Not at all." He chuckled and was about to do the voice again, but I knew it was coming and pushed away. "Don't you dare, Ryan." He grabs at me and pulls me back to him, dropping the helmet on the floor and diving his hands into my ribs and armpits. "Ryan!" I squeal, laughing loudly in the middle of the hallway. Fans would turn and look at us, taking pictures I'm sure. If they didn't see the new Let's Play where I talk about jealous Ryan they probably won't understand what is happening. Finally I break free and run down the hall from him. God I felt like a little kid again, enjoying myself and being with my best friend. I hide behind a wall and try to cover myself with the fake foliage. When I peek around the wall to see where Ryan was, he was missing from the previous spot. What the hell? I creep out from my hiding and nearly scream out when I am swooped up and carried over someone's shoulder. I recognize that amazing laugh instantly.  
  
"Ryan!" I shout out, kicking and laughing. People are watching us but right now, for the first time in forever, I don't feel afraid. I'm being slung over Ryan's shoulder in front of tons of strangers who are recording and snapping pictures and I honestly couldn't care less. I was happy. I was content. I was in love.  
  
  
I drove Ryan home but somehow he got me to stay over for a little bit. Maybe it was convincing me with ice cream that did the trick. Yeah, definitely the ice cream. I was sitting behind him on the bed while he streamed for the fans who didn't go to RTX. He was just getting into the stream when I bounced on the bed and ate some ice cream out of the tiny tub we bought. Well, my tub. Ryan looks at me over his shoulder and chuckles. He turns back to the stream while others joined. The chat was going crazy from what I could see.  
  
"Yeah, Em is staying over for a bit just to eat ice cream." He says, laughing slightly. He grabs his tub and shows his flavor of ice cream. "I got some too so she wasn't completely spoiled."  
  
"Oh whatever." I say, laughing. He smiles at the face cam and starts up the game. It was Overwatch. I smile and shake my head. Overwatch was so damn popular. I remember Bruce getting a video of James opening the box to it. It was amazing. I took another bite of my ice cream and felt the cold traveling through my head and hurting it all the way around. I grab my head and squeeze my eyes shut, whining slightly.  
  
"Brain freeze?" He asks, chuckling at me. I nod and he laughs again. "Sucks for you." I open my eyes as the pain subsides and glare at him playfully. He turns back to the chat with a shrug. He was reading through the chat while I ate more of my ice cream, refusing to be beaten by a brain freeze. "No, we aren't living together." Ryan says, catching my attention. My head whips around. I stand from the bed and walked over to Ryan's screen, leaning down and staring into it.  
  
"We have only been dating three weeks, guys. Slow down." I say, laughing. Ryan laughs with me and I glance at the time. I had been here for a hour and my ice cream was now all gone. "Should I be getting home?" I ask. "We got RTX again tomorrow." Ryan shrugs and looks at the time.  
  
"I mean, you can if you want to. Nothing's stopping you." I nod my head and smirk.  
  
"Haywood you walk me?" I ask, smile wide on my face now. He eyes me with a small smirk of his own and I shrug. "Well?"  
  
"Alright, Collins." I smile wide and wave good-bye to the chat while Ryan sets up his "Be Right Back" scene. Ryan follows me to the door and follows me outside to the car. We both were exhausted from today and it was obvious. I yawn loudly and shake my head. I was so damn tired... "You sure you can make it home?" Ryan asks. I nod my head and he sighs. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, Ryan, I'm sure." I say, laughing. "I can make it three blocks."  
  
"Three blocks seems so far when you're tired."  
  
"Well what else am I gonna do? Ray is there." I reply. "He's probably waiting up. I have only seen him three nights since he's been there."  
  
"Well you can stay with me." He offers. My heart skipped and I swallowed hard. "I mean, only if you want to." I sigh and tuck a lose hair strand behind my hair before fixing my glasses.  
  
"I uh..." I bite my lip and finally decide. "I'll call Ray." Ryan smiles widely and nods his head.  
  
"Okay, I can give you one of my shirts or something and you can sleep in my room or on the spare it doesn't matter." He sounded so excited it was honestly so damn cute. I laugh and nod my head, following him back inside. He ran into the stream room and was so happy it was obvious when he returned. I could hear him in the room, talking to the fans and talking about me. I call up Ray like I promised. He answers after two rings.  
  
"BMan." He greets.  
  
"Yo, Bro, I won't be coming home tonight."  
  
"You gonna bang Ryan all night?" I blush wildly and shake my head.  
  
"Ray, god dammit!" I say, laughing. He laughs back also.  
  
"Just kidding, Four Eyes. I can hold down the fort. I now have plans anyways." I knew what he meant by that and let out a little squeak.  
  
"You better not do it on my couch I swear to god."  
  
"But the T.V. is so huge! Do you know-"  
  
"No, Ray!"  
  
"Fine!" I laugh again and hang up with him, going into the stream room but out of camera view. Ryan glances back at me and then to the stream. It looks like he finished the game and was just doing his talking moments at the end. He was answering questions left and right, some of them were cute and some of them were random. My favorite was this one.  
  
"Do you enjoy your relationship?" Ryan shrugs and nods. "Honestly, it feels like we've been dating since we've met. We skipped the Honeymoon phase when we were friends. It makes it easier now that we went through that. So now all that our relationship is is just us enjoying each other and making decisions together." He smiles small at me through the camera. "I'm not sure if Ember feels the same but I won't change my mind anytime soon."


	18. I...

The next two days of RTX were pretty much the same. The only differences were the people that came, my birthday on the third day, and my costume each day. The first one was of course the little girl, then the second was Sergeant Calhoun from Wreck-it-Ralph and Ryan was Fix it Felix Jr. The third day I was a blood elf from World of Warcraft and Ryan was an Orc. He enjoyed dressing up too, apparently, which was a nice feeling. I stayed over at Ryan's only the first night of RTX. It was nice and I woke up with him curled up with me. I enjoyed it a lot. Right now Ryan and I were standing in the airport, luggage close by our sides.  
  
"I'm so excited." I said, smiling widely. Ryan laughs lightly and nods.  
  
"I am, too." He cocks his head to the side. "Have you ever been to a beach?" I nod my head.  
  
"Only one in Cali. It was Pismo. Hated it. Very crowded, city was gloomy and packed... Wasn't worth the flight or money."  
  
"Well let's hope Virginia Beach isn't shit, too." I nod my head and pass through the people with him close beside me to our called terminal. We place our luggage on the cart a man was driving to the back of the plane before loading into the airplane itself.  
  
"I love airplanes." I say with a big smile. "Especially when they take off and land. Beautiful sights." Ryan chuckles and follows me to our designated seats.  
  
"Well I'm glad you do. Because you get the window." I smile wider and buckle up, looking out the window and looking at people board other planes and the luggage being put into them. It only took about ten minutes before the plane even started moving.  
  
"I'm so excited!" I repeated from earlier. I looked at Ryan to see him smiling at me already.  
  
"And it's freaking adorable how you look right now." I turn my face back to the window as it began to heat up and watched us pick up speed. Once the speed was at maximum effort we began to escalate towards the clouds. I watched the ground get farther and farther away and felt my body relax into the seat. When I was satisfied with my view I glanced to Ryan. I frowned instantly. He was gripping the arm handle so tight his knuckles were white and he was biting his other hand's nails nervously.  
  
"Woah, you okay?" I whisper, not wanting him to feel embarrassed. He glances at me and shrugs.  
  
"I uh, I just get a little nervous on planes." He replies quietly. "No matter how much I fly it still gets to me." I gently wrap my hand around his, causing him to remove it from the arm rest.  
  
"It's okay. I'm here." I smile small and can see him visibly relax. His thumb nail thanked me for distracting him and I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
  
We landed in Virginia Beach an hour ago, already got to the hotel, and I was laying on the bed with him.  
  
"We made it." I say with a happy grin. Ryan nods and turns his head to look at me.  
  
"Yeah." He props himself up on his elbows and turns his body to me. "So I had plans for dinner tonight. Is that okay?"  
  
"Dude, totally!" I say. He chuckles heavily and I realize why. "I mean, yeah, babe, awesome."  
  
"I don't care that you call me dude. Just don't call me bro. That's too much." I laugh and nod in agreement. I grab my phone and text Ray, letting him know I landed safely. He was in charge of telling everyone else we landed. I placed the phone beside me and stared up at the hotel room ceiling. It felt like it's been months since I had a vacation. Oh wait... It has.  
  
"This is going to be amazing." I whisper. Ryan smiles and leans over, kissing the tip of my nose.  
  
"I hope so." I frown when I realize something.  
  
"You paid for both tickets." He nods his head. "And you paid for the hotel..." Again he nods. "What am I gonna pay for?" Ryan shakers his head now.  
  
"Nothing." I sit up. "This is your birthday gift. All of it."  
  
"Ryan, I am not going to let you buy everything for me. Bringing me out here was enough."  
  
"But I want to."  
  
"I understand that, babe, but just because your income is higher than mine doesn't mean you should spend it all on me."  
  
"That's the thing-" He sits up and gets up from the bed, looking down to me. "I've had this trip planned for almost six months now. I just never thought I'd go with someone other than you or Geoff." I smile and get onto my knees, waddling over to him on the mattress.  
  
"So you wanted me to go with you when you bought the tickets?" He nods his head and I lean up, kissing him softly. "How fucking cute are you?" He shrugs.  
  
"Pretty damn cute." I nod in agreement and kiss him gently again. He kisses back a little longer this time, a bit rougher than usual, too. His hands were on my hips and I had mine around his neck. I pulled back when I felt it was enough for now and smiled, nipping at his neck quickly. It sent a shiver down his spine and I couldn't help but wink at him to make it worse.  
  
"Em, I'd advise you to back away unless you want to do something more sexual." He tells me honestly. I make a little moan noise to tease him and he pulls back. "Nope, Em, no." I giggle and hop off the bed, shrugging.  
  
"Oh well. I tried." He mutters some choice words and begins to cool himself off but not before I stole a glance at what I caused. Ryan saw and rolled his eyes, spinning me away.  
  
"Not helping."  
  
"Whoops." I say sarcastically. "Guess I'm hotter than I thought." I feel his hand slip around my waist and I smirk, knowing he was trying so hard. My fun ended quickly.  
  
"Damn right you are." It was that growl- that same fucking growl from RTX. The one I almost lost myself from. It didn't help that he nipped at my ear. He pulls back and groans in frustrations and shakes his body to try and rid the feeling he had. "No. No. Just meet me outside and we can go." I needed to cool myself down after that just as much as he did. My legs were clenching and I was breathing quicker. I nodded my head and did as told. The cool air instantly mellowed me out as I heard the hotel front door open. I turn and see Ryan looking better than before. His hair was visibly wet. He must have splashed his face with water.  
  
"That was fun." I say with a teasing tone. He rolls his eyes and leads me to the rental car.  
  
"Yeah yeah, just get in the car." I smirk and do as commanded, sliding into the passenger seat and waiting for Ryan to enter the driver's side.  
  
  
Dinner was great and it was like a regular night out. The fun part was after dinner, though. The beach at night was a beautiful place. The way the buildings shined on it made it even better. Our silhouettes were barely visible on the sand before water swept it from view. Ryan's hand was intertwined with mine and I felt the cool air rushing onto my face. It was nice. The water crashing lightly against our bare feet, my hair blowing behind me, the water not too cold to make me run away in hatred. Usually beach water was fucking freezing. This time it was nice against my heated feet.  
  
"I love you." Ryan's voice brought me back and I tripped on my step. It was so out of context and caught me very far off guard I wasn't sure what to do. I stopped walking and looked Ryan dead in the eye. Part of me wanted to say it but the other half of me was pinning that half down and telling me to run. I couldn't do that to Ryan. I know damn well I felt the same. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I begged to hear him say it one more time. When he didn't, I swallowed hard.  
  
"Ryan, I don't know why, but I can't say it." I whisper. He nods his head slowly. "I feel the same, it's just I don't know why I can't bring myself to say it."  
  
"I understand, Ember." He says just loud enough to be heard over the waves. "I didn't expect you to say it back. Not at three weeks. Not even at a year. It was all about you and I just knew I had to say it to let you know you could at any time." I couldn't imagine going another year without telling Ryan I love him. It's been seven months since we met and I definitely fell in love in that time. So why couldn't I bring myself to do it?  
  
"No, I need you to know that I feel the same, but for some stupid reason I can't say it." I began to feel frustrated with myself. "I want to. God you don't know how bad I want to. Please know that I do?" Ryan nods his head and leans down, slowly kissing my lips.  
  
"I know." I smile small and wrap him in a caring hug, feeling all my emotions bundle up and try to come out. My mouth wouldn't open, but I wanted it to so the words could just spill out. Ryan said it. I need to say it. "Don't ever feel like you're being forced to say it, alright?" I nod my head at him and he places his lips to my forehead. "Now come on, let's go back to the hotel. I want a shower." I nod my head again and I grab his hand, walking with him back to the car. The whole time we walked I was just remembering the way he said it. He had this all planned. He had to of. The perfect night, the surprise trip, the two tickets. He had this planned. After he told Ray that he found me two months after the divorce... That's a whole year he's known me or of me. Of course he said it first. He probably knew it from the damn start of me working there.  
  
"Did you know you loved me when you first met me in person?" The question must have surprised him because he had to think hard for a moment.  
  
"Um..." He looked like he was trapped in a box. I sighed.  
  
"I know that you found me two months after the divorce." He looks at me with a shocked look. "I heard you and Ray talking that night at the house when he moved in." I could visibly see him swallow. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I was scared you would find me creepy or something."  
  
"You got me the best job ever, Ryan!" I say, laughing slightly. "I fucking owe you everything I have."  
  
"And you are everything I have." And I'm speechless. "Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I guess that's why I could say that I love you so easily." My heart fluttered when he said it again and I pressed him against the car, kissing him heavily. It took him by surprise for sure. He hesitated at first to kiss back when I kept my lips on his he pushed back. I pulled back and I could see his pupils have dilated just like at the hotel.  
  
"I love you." There. I said it. Fucking finally. He smiles again and pulls me to him, continuing whatever you want to call it- a make out session. He pulled back after a moment and we both took the hint that we wanted each other. The ride to the hotel seemed like it took forever. Once we got there we practically ran inside. The door was locked manually by Ryan and I smiled, pulling him and pushing him onto the bed.


	19. You don't want kids with me?

We got back from Virginia last night and I couldn't have felt happier to be back. Don't get me wrong, it was a perfect time with Ryan and nothing went wrong, but I wanted to get back and see all my friends and co-worker. I especially wanted to see Jeremy. I ran to Jeremy and tugged his arm to make him practically fall out of his chair and follow me while tripping over himself. Ryan wasn't there yet, probably Jet-Lagged like myself. As soon as we got to the hallway, Jeremy caught his breath from being stunned.

"What the hell, Em?" I couldn't help the giant smile on my face as he just stared at me like I was crazy. "Why did you almost kill me?"

"He said it." I whisper. He furrows his eyebrows at me. "He said he loved me." I was struggling to keep my voice down at the excitement. Jeremy smiled wide and grabbed me into a hug.

"Dude that's awesome!" He pulls back abruptly and stares at me cautiously. "Did you say it back?" I nodded with that same goofy smile on my face. He continues to hug me until finally releasing me once more. "So how was Virginia?"

"Dude it was amazing. The beach was actually warm, the hotel was beautiful, all the food was well... It was perfect. You and Kat really need to go." I explain. He was about to speak when his eyes landed on something behind me. He closes his mouth and smirks with a wink before moving back into the Achievement Hunter office. I turn around just in time to feel Ryan's arm slip around my waist and see his blue eyes piercing mine.

"Well hello there, Ryno." I comment, laughing lightly in my words.

"Hi, Emberella." He leans down and kisses my nose before releasing me. I smile at the nickname and hold tightly to his hand while leading him into the office.

"Hey Ember, why the sudden stealing of J?" Geoff questions with a grin on his face. I narrowed my eyes at Jeremy and he shrugged.

"I couldn't help it! I wanted to tell them."

"Tell them what?" Ryan asks, suddenly aware that I did something before he came.

"Nothing." I say quickly. "He told them nothing. Right, Jeremy?" By the look on Jack, Michael, and Gavin's face they had no clue what I was talking about. Geoff started to laugh lowly. "Wait-" I glare at Jeremy and he starts to cackle. "You little lime!" I run at him and grab the back of his chair, his high pitched squeal echoing in the room as I pulled him out of the office and locked the door.

"Oh come on, Em!" He shouts, laughing. "I didn't tell them so this is actually really unfair." I roll my eyes and grumpily open the door for him. He slowly pulls his chair in behind him with a smile hidden on his face. "Thank you." I shut the door behind him and walk to my desk, Jeremy peeking at me every now and again. Geoff leans over and I frown that he was sitting in Jack's desk.

"He didn't tell me what happened and honestly, I am a bit curious." I smirk and lean towards him.

"Oh yeah? First tell me something: Why the fuck are you in Jack's desk?" He laughs lowly and shrugs.

"Jack wanted to be in front of Gavin when you guys were gone so we perma-moved." I frowned and peered over my monitors at Jack.

"How could you, old friend?" Jack looks up at my voice and fakes a frown. I reach for him and he reaches back, but my hand is quickly swatted by Michael.

"Aye!" He scolds. "If anything you should want me beside you and not Geoff or Jack!" I laugh and stick my tongue out at him before sitting down normally in my seat. It was great to be back.

-

I was watching Ryan try to be a snake with Jeremy and Jack in 'Snake Pass' when there was a knock on the office door. I dashed to it, almost breaking my ankle on a loose wire. I hear the men laughing behind me before I make it to the door, slightly flustered.

"Hey, Em." I am greeted by Kara. "There's a package for AHWU." I nodded and thanked her, taking the box from her and returning to the group.

"I wanna open this now." I say with curiosity since I have never been on AHWU.

"Do it." Jack responds. "Let's start opening things anytime a Camera is rolling." I nod and Jeremy hands me a black blade, allowing me to cut the tape. I open the box and find a letter with a small bubble-wrap package and then another scrap piece of paper underneath that. I skim over the first letter and sigh.

"Oh no..." I whisper. I hand the letter to Jeremy and then the box to Jack.

"Oh, it's to Ryan!" Jeremy says with a little surprise. "Must be a weapon then."

"For me?" Ryan asks, slightly awed. "What is it?"

"I just read what it was. Oh god." Jeremy says with a laugh. Jack hands me back the box and I grab the item from the bubble-wrap and he gasps immediately as Jeremy reads the letter from the fan. Once finished, Ryan thanked the fan and explained how it was curved for cutting bellies.

"You know, I'm a bit scared that you know exactly what that knife shape is for and how to use it." I admit, covering my stomach as he sliced at the camera as if he was cutting the air's gut.

"One day he might use it on you." Jack jokes. I laugh with them and Ryan shakes his head.

"The only reason I would cut your belly open is because our baby needs to come out." I freeze up. No one spoke.

"You're pregnant?" Jeremy questions quietly. I shake my head and feel my face heating up.

"No! No I mean-" Ryan tries to correct himself but Jack cuts him off.

"You mean you want kids with her?"

"Well-"

"Awe, Ryan wants kids with Emmy?"

"No!"

"You don't want kids with me?" I ask, faking most of the offense in my voice but some of it real. "I'm hurt." The men laugh but I could see Ryan's face heating up a bright red in the face-cam.

"No, I mean I do but not right now!"

"You're digging a deep hole, Ryan." Jack says, laughing.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight!" I announce.

"We don't even live together!"

"Well then I'll stay the night just so you can!" The men all chorus a laugh with me and I smirk at Ryan. He eyes me in the camera and rolls them at me. I mouth 'I love you' to him and he smiles, doing the same.

"God you guys are gross. At least have some decency!" Jeremy laughs out. Jack joins him with a shake of his head.

"You guys are pretty lame, though. Even Michael and Lindsay aren't that bad."

"Hey, Michael and Lindsay are always calling each other bitches." I input. "That's different."

"That's true love!"

"Do you call Caiti a bitch?" Silence. "Exactly, cunt." Jeremy and Ryan 'ooh' at us and I turn back to watch Ryan fall off the edge with the hummingbird trying to hold the snake's tail up high.

"Fuck you, you weak prick!" Ryan yells at the little fluttering bird. I snicker and shrug.

"Your own fault."

"How?"

"You went to fuck with danger and instead danger fucked you first!" I argue, smiling.

"Do you think you could do any better?" He asks, turning to me in the chair. As soon as his eyes met mine his smile seemed to grow. "Because I wanna bet you can't." I arch an eyebrow and grab the controller, giving him my mic and taking his chair. Once settled I followed the controls Ryan learned before going to the edge he died on.

"I'm gonna get this fucking coin and I'm gonna prove you wrong, Boy."

"Oh god, shit just got serious." Jack mentions. Everyone is quiet as I slither the snake through the bamboo-like poles and to grab the coin before quickly making my way back in one clean swoop." I spin and point at Ryan, my finger barely touching the tip of his nose.

"Ha, Bitch!" I yell, causing him to crack into a wide grin. Jeremy and Jack started laughing more and cheering at me while poking fun at Ryan.

"Alright, cocky asshole, sit down and give me back the controller." I did as told and hummed gleefully as I did feel cocky from my win. Jack smiled as he spoke into the mic again.

"Now you guys are showing true love."


	20. Shitty Day

Today was just not my day. First, the car broke down and I had to pay over a hundred bucks to get it picked up, then when I get to work, I interrupted a video I wasn't supposed to be in, Geoff dumped a load of editing on me since Trevor and Lindsay were both out sick, and I haven't eaten all day. What was even worse was Ryan didn't come to work either except for the morning- you know, the morning I was late for- because he had to go to another part of the company. I couldn't see him at all to cheer me up. I was close to either breaking into tears and curling up in a corner to die, or go off and murder ten people; Maybe both... I grab my keys and stand from my desk, immediately being pulled back down by my foot being wrapped around wires. My chair slides from under me and I go crashing to the ground with a hard thud. I hear Jeremy get up from his chair and come to me,

"Woah, Em, you okay?" He asks, holding my back as I sit up.

"Yeah... Just a shit day." My throat tightened around my words with tears brimming my eyes.

"Well if you want you can just hide under the desk for the rest of the day and I'm sure Geoff won't notice." He says with a tiny shrug. I laugh and wipe at my eyes under my glasses with my sleeve.

"Thanks, but I shouldn't..." I mutter before untangling my foot carefully and standing with his help. I take my seat again and put my head in my hands.

"So tell me why your day has been so shit." He says softly. I look up and sigh.

"I was super fuckin' late today because my car broke down and the tow truck took over an hour to get there. Then when he came, he told me I needed to pay upfront one-fifty to even get towed or a ride anywhere, but who the fuck carries that much cash on them? I only had my card. So I had to walk my ass here. I came into the office and didn't realize I was interrupting a video I wasn't supposed to be in at all, so I got embarrassed and harassed. Then when I need help from Ryan to cheer me up he isn't even working this branch today. So I sat down, hoping I could make my day better by ignoring the shitty morning, but Lindsay and Trevor were both out sick and I was given all their videos to edit. Because of all this work and everything going on, I haven't eaten at all today. Now I'm on the verge of having you axe kick my desk so I won't have to work for a few days." I explain. Jeremy smiles small at my last comment and sighs lightly.

"Well then talk to Geoff about it." He suggests. "Tell him how you're feeling. Maybe he will let you take the rest of the day off to relax."

"What about all the editing?"

"I'll take it over." I immediately shake my head.

"No. I won't let you get stressed."

"Did you forget that was why I was hired?" He points out. I scratch the back of my neck in thought. "If I do get stressed I'll ask Kat for help or even ask one of the other editors. I'm sure they will understand." I run a hand through my hair and nod.

"Okay." I whisper. "I'm gonna go talk to Geoff." He nods and I stand, hugging him quickly in thanks and grabbing my keys once more from the desk. This time I didn't get tangled up in the mess from the bottom of my desk. I make my way out of the office and start asking everyone if they knew where Geoff was. Unfortunately, no one was giving a positive answer. I fumble with my keys in one hand and look around the emptied hallway, everyone in their offices right now. The first person I see emerge is Bruce Greene, the crew here for the Podcast. "Greene!" I shout, running to him. He spins and the restroom from which he exited closed with a click.

"Hey, Ember!" He greets with a smile.

"Hey, have you seen Geoff?" He nods, thankfully, and I smile. "Great! Where at?"

"He's on Off Topic right now." I frown and throw my head back. "Why? Need to talk to him?" I nod, knowing Jeremy was waiting for the response from Geoff to take over my editing. I follow Bruce as he leads me to the Off Topic set up. When I enter, I see Michael, Geoff, James, Elyse, and Ryan all at the table. I frown when I see that they were all in a deep conversation. Michael looks over to me and smiles, waving. Ryan's eyes shift to me as well and a big smile comes on his face. Geoff stops talking at the sight of Ryan and turns.

"Great." He mutters. "Your girlfriend is here." The others laugh while Ryan just stays quiet with a goofy grin on his face. My eyes water when I walk with Bruce near the stage since the cameras are on and I know it is once again a video I'm not meant to interrupt. It brings back the rest of the day and I can feel my throat tighten.

"What's up?" I ask shakily, waving at everyone. Elyse and James wave back and I lean to the table. "Geoff, can I uh... Can I talk to you?" I ask quietly. Geoff nods and stands, beginning to exit the table. Ryan hums at me and I turn to look at him. He mouths 'You okay' to me and I shake my head, walking to Geoff in the corner and away from the cameras. He removes his shirt mic and holds it in his hand to block out our words.

"What do you need?" He asks lowly.

"Jeremy suggested I come talk to you but uh..." I bite my tongue for a moment. "I've been having a real shitty day and with all the editing Lindsay and Trevor left-"

"Are you asking to leave early to try and relax?" I hang my head and nod softly. My body was shaking half from being upset and half from not eating. "Em, have you eaten today?" I pause at the question and reply negatively. He sighs and shrugs. "Fine. Are you gonna edit at home or put it off?"

"Well I got some of it done, but Jeremy offered to take it over." Geoff laughs lightly with a small smile.

"Of course he did." He sighs and nods. "Go home. Get something in your stomach and relax. But if you have another shitty day again, fucking eat no matter what. Got it?"

"Yes sir." I reply quickly. He waves me off and I don't look at the others as I exit out of the room. I thank Bruce for bringing me before heading back to the office. Jeremy was sitting at my computer, already editing without my answer. "Jeremy!" I scold. He looks up and shrugs.

"What?" He asks innocently. "I was just trying to help no matter the answer!" I smile and thank him before explaining what Geoff said in summary. He waves me off as I exit the building. I begin to look for my car but then I remember what happened this morning. I mutter profanities and google the number for a taxi company.

-

I laid on Ryan's bed, having a spare key to the house now, and just tuck my head into his pillows. I already told Ryan where I'd be so if he came home he wouldn't try to call the cops for a B and E. His bed was so soft and after not being able to see him for more than ten seconds all day I needed this. I heard the door open to the front of the house and keys clink on the counter beside it before it closed loudly.

"Babe?" I hear Ryan call out.

"In the bedroom!" My voice was slightly muffled but able to be heard. I can hear the patter of Ryan's feet coming down the hallway and I keep my face in the pillows.

"Hey." He says softly. I still don't move, afraid he will see the now wet stained pillow creases my face hid. "Geoff told me why you went home. Did you eat?" I nod. "What did you eat?"

"A PB and J..." I mutter.

"That's it?" I nod again. "Em you gotta eat more."

"I'm not hungry." Ryan sighs and comes to the bed, sitting on it and without another word, laying down with me, pulling me to him. I turn and curl into his chest, holding tightly as I buried my face into him.

"Jeremy told me the gist of what happened to you today, too. Don't worry about trying to tell me cause if I know you like I think I do, you'll start crying from it." I smile lightly and nod. His chuckle rumbles my body and I can't help but love the feeling. I pull my face back and wipe my cheeks.

"God I needed this..." I whisper. He smiles and kisses my forehead before just staring at me. "Don't look at me my eyes probably look gross."

"Oh shut up you look beautiful all the time."

"Yeah..."

"Conceited!" He declares. I laugh at him and nod.

"Just because you made me like this!"

"Should I start calling you ugly then?" He asks with a smirk.

"Yes. Let's see if that works."

"I could never call you ugly. I'd be lying." I roll my eyes and scoot up, pecking him on the lips.

"Yeah but I could call you lame. I wouldn't be lying." I comment. He pouts playfully at me and I snuggle back into him.

"Hey did you want me to actually make something for you?" I think of the offer and shrug.

"It would be nice..." I answer. Ryan pulls back and immediately sits up, getting out of the bed.

"Good cause I'm fuckin' hungry and I know you are, too." I smile and grab my glasses from the bedside table, following Ryan to the kitchen. "So what do you feel like having?"

"Macaroni and cheese!" I shout. "But the kind that are shaped like Spongebob." He turns and looks at me.

"You mean the kids' pasta?"

"Uh, duh. No other way to eat Macaroni." He rolls his eyes and chuckles before going to the pantry and grabbing the box I requested.

"We can't just have this." He says, shaking the box. "What else?"

"Do we have chicken?" I open the freezer and see a pack of chicken, but it was far from thawed. "Uh... What about..." I go to the pantry and search the different boxes.

"We have pork chops that are thawed." Ryan says, pulling out a plastic wrapped foam carrier from the fridge. "I thawed them last night and forgot I was gonna make them for dinner today." I nod and close the pantry.

"Okay then we can have those and applesauce!" He furrows his brow at me.

"Applesauce?"

"Yeah." I say shyly. "It was my childhood thing. You dip it in apple sauce like you would ranch."

"Ranch?"

"Oh my god have you ever even lived? Who are you?" I uproar. He laughs at that and shrugs.

"Guess I'll try something new tonight." I nod and bounce to be beside him at the stove. "You don't really need to help. Plus you're impatient with cooking."

"I am not!" I defend.

"You are!" He says with a big grin. "You put the noodles in the water and automatically expect soft noodles!"

"Okay, so what? Doesn't mean I'm an impatient cook."

"That's the definition of impatient." I frown and cross my arms, going to the living room and glaring at him from the couch that faced the kitchen. He shrugs and begins to do whatever he needs to do to start dinner. I watch him intently, not noticing the smile on my face as I admired him. I was having such a shitty day and within ten minutes Ryan was able to bring a smile to my face as if nothing ever happened.

"I love you." I say suddenly. He looks at me in a bit of shock from the sudden outburst and finally smiles softly.

"I love you, too."


	21. FUPA

"What the hell's a FUPA?" I laid my head on my desk in embarrassment as everyone but Ryan laughed at the question. I wasn't embarrassed for myself, but for my poor boyfriend.

"Wait, you really don't know what a FUPA is?" I whisper. He shakes his head.

"It's an abbreviation." Michael explains.

"I know what a Gunt is, but I have no idea what FUPA is." He explains in sudden awareness of the embarrassment he might feel.

"Guess." Gavin encourages. There is a pause before Jack speaks up.

"Ryan, do you have a butt for?" I put my hand on my face to hold back laughter.

"A butt for?"

"Do you have a butt for?"

"I don't know, do I?"

"Babe, no..." I whisper in attempt to save him. There's a sigh from everyone.

"Jack, that joke is not gonna work with Ryan." Jeremy inputs.

"Ryan is one of those people." Ryan frowns at Gavin's words.

"What does that mean?"

"Ryan," Jack snaps his attention to him, "do you have a butt for?"

"I don't know!" I glance over at Ryan and can see his cheeks turning pink in tint along with the tip of his nose.

"Now I'm worried he doesn't actually know this joke."

"He probably doesn't, Gavin." I mutter. "It's from back when he was his kids' age."

"What? Was he never on a school playground in his life?" Gavin asks. "I'm from across the pond and I know it."

"Actually, I was most of the time book reading on the playground." Ryan sheepishly admits. I could tell by the confusion and determination in his eyes he was trying hard to think of the meaning for both jokes.

"The real question is Ryan, do you have a butt for?" Jack brings up.

"No," Gavin speaks again, "Do you know what FUPA stands for? We need to get these issues solved before the video ends."

"Wait, okay..." Ryan pauses. "Fat up pussy anus." All of us are surprised by how close he got, telling him how far he was.

"Two and a half right." Michael tells him.

"How do you get a half a word?"

"Means you gotta extend one." I tell him.

"Upper."

"Yes."

"I presume pussy." I cackle while the rest of the men laugh at Ryan's answer.

"Yes, you're right." I tell him. He goes into thought again as Gavin squeaks.

"I can't believe this is working." As the pause continues, everyone laughs loudly except for the blushing Ryan.

"This is like a fucking spelling bee." Michael comments.

"Can you use the word in a sentence?" Ryan asks. Jeremy repeats him, laughing.

"Gavin, use it." He tells the brit.

"In a sentence?" A hum comes from Jeremy. "Nice FUPA." I put my head on my desk again and sigh deeply while everyone else laughs.

"I'm feeling so bad for you right now, Ryan." I tell him.

"Then help me!"

"I can't because that isn't fair and it's kind of funny." He frowns at me while I shrug with an apologetic smile.

"It's not gonna help you..." Michael says.

"Angle?" Ryan suggests. When the comments are negative, he frowns. "What's the last bit?"

"It just seals the deal." Gavin tells him with a cackle.

"Ableism." Ryan answers quickly. "Nailed it." More thinking in silence happens and I stare at him in thought while he guesses random words, some of them food and one of them again anus. "Alien?"

"Forget it." Gavin mutters.

"Ryan, do you have a butt for?" I glance to Jack before continuing on my game.

"I don't know what it means."

"So ask him about it." I whisper.

"What's a butt for?"

"Pooping silly!" Jack screams. Ryan sighs heavily and just stares at his screen in defeat while I don't hide my laugh with the rest of the guys.

"Fucking Christ..." Michael mutters. "That took so long."

"I still don't know what the A is."

"Fat Upper Pussy..." I trail, trying to make him think.

"Arbor."

"Yes," Jack starts, "Arbor. Fat Upper Pussy Arbor." The game continues and the whole time, Ryan is sitting there in a deep silence, focusing on the game and the word he was trying to guess. It took about two minutes before he tried it again. When it wasn't correct, he stopped for a while and I honestly forgot until Jack gave him a mega hint... And he still didn't get it.

"Where'd you find the witch?" Michael asks Gavin.

"On the hill."

"Near the village area?" I glance at Ryan and stare at him while the others talk.

"Yeah just in that general hill area."

"This area is mostly water." Jack says from his characters boat in the ocean he traveled.

"What's the area of effect on splash potions?" I question, trying to join in on the hints.

"Don't know." Ryan answers, making me want to grunt in annoyance.

"How the fuck do you get back to the area with the portal?"

"It's by the farm." Gavin tells him. "You talkin' about the nether?"

"Yeah."

"That's the general area by the house." Geoff informs him.

"The splash is like an area of attack right?" Jack questions.

"Yeah, I just need to figure out a potion ingredient..." Ryan was now ignoring that FUPA was even a question at this point. Gavin had visibly had enough.

"If I multiply the length by the width of something..."

"That'd be the area of something." Jack informs him. There's a long pause as all eyes land on Ryan. He glances up and looks around and then squints and turns back to his computer.

"Oh, area." Everyone then proceeds to lose their shit as the video ends. I stand from my desk after cutting, saving, and sending my video clip to the editors and go to Ryan. He seemed defeated by FUPA in the verbal way.

"It's okay, sweetheart." I coo. "It was just a middle school joke." He shrugs and smiles up at me.

"I know I just hate how long that took me. Maybe I am a dad-guy more than I thought." I laugh lightly and take Geoff's vacant seat.

"Of course you're a dad-guy. You are a dad after all." He laughs with a bit of a nod and sighs.

"Hey, you wanna go with this dad-guy to dinner tomorrow night?" I shrug and smile wide.

"Sure, but don't call yourself dad-guy now. It makes me sound like I'm dating my dad and I'm not having that." He nods with another laugh and I stand from Geoff's desk to go get lunch.

-

Ryan was picking me up after work today since he had a meeting to go to and wouldn't be at the office. I waited impatiently, knowing we had a date coming up tonight and I needed to get ready. When I heard the familiar sound of the truck he drove I perked up and got ready to get in. The vehicle stopped in front of me and I climbed into the passenger's seat.

"How was your meeting?" I ask as I buckle up.

"Pretty boring." I furrow my brow and look to the voice I didn't know as Ryan.

"Geoff?"

"Yeah. That's me. What about it?" He begins to drive off the lot and I shake my head.

"Where's Ryan?"

"He told me to come get you like a chauffer." I look at him with confusion plastered on me.

"A chauffer?"

"For the date tonight Jesus you are more dense than I thought." I roll my eyes at him.

"No, I know for the date but why?" The man stays quiet and I huff. "You're a lame chauffer. You won't even play music." Suddenly the car fills with loud music and I gasp, turning it down.

"Who's the lame one now?" I laugh lightly and shake my head. When I finally realized we weren't going anywhere near the house for me to change and get ready, I slightly panicked.

"Geoff, I need to get ready. The house is the other way." I point my thumb over my shoulder but he doesn't react to my words. "Dude-"

"Relax, Ryan has it covered." I pout and sit back in my seat, unsure of what it is exactly Ryan has covered. We pull up to a building that was like a warehouse where they did rodeos and proms and such. I looked around and saw only Geoff had his vehicle there. We parked next to it and Geoff got out to come to my side of the vehicle. I got out and let him escort me with my body dazed and confused. "You were always like a daughter to me." Geoff confesses suddenly. I look up at him.

"You are like a father to me." My voice was hushed but loud enough to hear. "Geoff, what's going on?" We approach the door and stop, Geoff releasing me and walking to his vehicle. I sigh and gently pull open the door. I could see fairy lights lining the inside of the hallway that led to the main floor. I kept going, seeing something that resembled my favorite flower, a carnation, in a tiny vase that said "take this" on a card in front of it. I did as told and carefully held the flower between my fingers. My steps didn't falter as I made my way to the open room. In the back if my mind, I had an idea of what was about to happen and I was nervous but in the good way; I also couldn't expect it in case I was wrong. I could hear soft music playing with classical instruments but they were covering modern songs.

"Hello?" I call out when I don't see Ryan anywhere in the room.

"Would you like a bite to eat?" A familiar British accent asks from my right side. I jumped at the loud noise and turned to face Gavin. He was dressed nicer than he was at work and was holding a plate with a napkin on it. Beside him was Meg in a lovely dress and an empty cup in her hand extended towards me.

"Thank you." I tell both of them as I accept the items.

"Right this way, ma'am." I turned around at the sound of Michael's voice and smile lightly. He changed his shirt since work bit that was it. In the middle of the room was a table for two that was now waiting for one more person since I took a seat. Michael walked away away joined Meg and Gavin in the entrance corner.

"Here's a napkin, madam." I face Jack and laugh gently.

"Where the hell do y'all keep coming from?" He chuckles at my words and no shrugs.

"Thin air." I roll my eyes at him but can't fight my smile. "Allow me to get your beverage." Before I can respond, Jack swoops up my cup and walks away.

"I'll retrieve your food, Ma'am." I turn quickly to Jeremy grabbing my plate and leaving the napkin. I was getting tired of almost receiving whiplash with these magicians. Again I had no time to respond be for the man disappeared. I stared at the plate in front of me as I waited patiently. Suddenly lips attach to my cheek and I gasp in surprise. Ryan chuckles as he pulls back and takes his seat in front of me.

"Are we done with the popping up stuff?" I ask with a smirk and blush in my face. He nods with a small smile.

"It took a lot of work to be quiet and still appear without you seeing." I lean on the table and tuck my hair behind my ears before pushing up my glasses.

"So what's going on?"

"Well, I'm sure you have an idea so for now, let's enjoy ourselves." I smile wide and nod. The plates appear in front of us from Jeremy with a steak on each along with mashed potatoes and gravy with steamed veggies. Jack returned with diet coke along wine in each glass as well. I felt strange eating while all our co-workers from the office watched, but I could see that they weren't even paying attention to us along did more interested in conversations amongst themselves. "Ember..." My attention returns to Ryan. "I love you." I smile lightly and look at him sweetly.

"I love you, too, Ryan." My voice was almost a whisper but it just made it so much more meaningful to Ryan.

"You made my life complete in more ways than I thought you would, honestly. I can't believe what I'm about to say..." I nodded in understanding. "I want to marry you, Ember Collins. I want to marry you even after what happened my last marriage. I'm willing to pull myself together and try that commitment again. Now I know we haven't even moved in together yet but I want this to be the push we need to see that we should probably think about about future together." His voice started to shake with nerves and I know he was unsure on how he sounded or how I would react to his words. I was patient nonetheless and listened for him to continue. "So I guess what I need to ask is... Are you willing to stay with me through thick and thin even when we wanna kill each other? Are you willing to take on the burden of my commitment fears? Are you willing to marry me?" I smile as my eyes clouded and I nodded ferociously.

"Of course I'm willing, you dumbass." His body visibly relaxed and I stood, going to his side of the table and leaning down to kiss him. He smiles and kisses me back quickly. I heard Michael scream "yes" and clapping between the men and Meg. I was going to marry my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
